Uumm - so my grandma has a request... LONG

happe2gether

Yesterday I got a call from my mom so we could discuss my side of the guest list.  Conversation was going well until she said my grandma is requesting I invite someone in particular to the wedding.  I'm having a big issue with the request.

Several months ago I had a falling out with a cousin that I've never really gotten along with.  Since that time, I chose not to communicate with her and have been doing me.  Well my grandma is hinting that she wants me to invite the cousin along with her son.  Here's my problem.  I LOVE my grandma to pieces but I don't think I can honor this request.  Here's why:  during the previously mentioned falling out, we both said some choice words to each other but my cousin went WAY below the belt by 1) basically calling my FI a "broke ass" because from her point of view she thinks he can't handle paying for a wedding so he must be broke. 2) talking bad about us as a couple because we are choosing to be engaged for a long time  (FN: we are waiting so that I can get more assistance with school since I am a "single mom" and we are paying for it ourselves). 3) talking badly about my dad, who is deceased. 

I'm usually an easy person who tries to make things work for everyone but I have already told my mom she is NOT invited under any circumstances because I refuse to pay for someone who went that route to attend my wedding.  To me it would be a slap in the face.  So now I just have to figure out the best way to tell my grandma.

Am I wrong? Or should I bend to my grandma's request??  
Thanks for listening

2010Bride2be

Keep the peace, be the bigger person, blah, blah, blah and invite her. You probably won't even realize she's there. So, to make grandma happy, just go ahead and invite her.

codom

I wouldn't do it but that's just me..... This isn't like a birthday party where the party comes every year it's YOUR wedding grandma is just gonna have to accept that the two of u are at odds right now..... does grandma know what all was said??? I have a couple family members I didn't invite that my mom really wanted me to but I told her no... If she wanted to pay for there plate then they where more than welcome to come but because of history between us I wasn't inviting or paying for them and she left it alone..

tcjames

I agree with codom. With this being such a big event, don't do anything your not comfortable with. Having past experience with the same type of drama (but for a Bday party) the family member decided to start a fight (she threw first punch & it was a sneak attack, but I whooped her so good, I still smile when I think about it) at the party and to this day when there's an family event they keep us seperated and I'm always alert to her whereabouts, which is really sad. So just let grandma down easy and tell her way you can't honor her request.  

Carla1019

I would honor Grandma's request. I agree that with all the excitement you will not notice her. Also the best revenge is living well so when she sees your beautiful wedding and how happy you and FI are, she will have to face the fact that she was wrong.

There is also a possibility that she won't come. But at least you invited her for Grandma's sake.

You mentioned inviting her and her son? I assume she doesn't have a husband? Something about weddings and single friends/relatives can be a nasty mix. I would be the bigger person and prove her wrong.

chescam

Does your grandma know what went down between the two of you? I would personally talk to grandma myself and let her know exactly what went down and how you feel about inviting your cousin. Yeah, it  nice being the bigger person and all but this woman does not respect you and your fiance's relationship. Why would she even want to be there if she has nothing good to say about you and your fiance. She's not even talking to you now. Your wedding day should be about celebrating your union with friends and family that LOVE and SUPPORT  you. I wouldn't invite her unless you guys straighten things out or at least get on speaking terms.

bbrown185

Here's the thing if she has such an issue with FI and your relationship, why does she want to even be there for your wedding????? I would tell my grandma that I love her and that I hate to do this, but no she is not welcome at my wedding.

empegues

I absolutely would not invite her.  I have a few people on the "not invited" list for similar reasons.  Your wedding, of all days, is about you and your FI's love and committment to each other and anyone who isn't on the team doesn't belong there. 

I would tell my g-ma in a very respectful way that you've made the decision as an adult and explain that not only did she offend you, but she offended the man you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with. 

And if that doesn't appease her I'd tell her that perhaps after the wedding is over you and your cousin may be able to sit down and talk, but you won't risk any drama on such a sacred day. 

Fabbiegirl

I would not invite her.  period.

djscat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_uumm-grandma-request-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:fcb403a1-ea28-4ee2-89db-500575aadf08Post:053d636e-d7cf-4d72-b805-92372256a5f4">Re: Uumm - so my grandma has a request... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]Does your grandma know what went down between the two of you? I would personally talk to grandma myself and let her know exactly what went down and how you feel about inviting your cousin. Y<strong>eah, it  nice being the bigger person and all but this woman does not respect you and your fiance's relationship. Why would she even want to be there if she has nothing good to say about you and your fiance</strong>. She's not even talking to you now. Your wedding day should be about celebrating your union with friends and family that LOVE and SUPPORT  you. I wouldn't invite her unless you guys straighten things out or at least get on speaking terms.
Posted by chescam[/QUOTE]

This!
I would not invite the heffa!  It's your day and you don't need the added stress.  Tell your mom to talk to you Grampa and explain why she is not invited.  

lil01

I would let grandma know what went down and how it really hurt you. Not only that, she clearly is not supportive of you & your FI. And then let grandma know that while you understand what's she's saying, you just do not feel comfortable inviting her and maybe you & your cousin can squash things after the wedding.

Some folks say you won't even notice someone there.....not true in all cases. My hubby's sister, who I don't like & vice versa, was at my wedding. I had a nice time & paid her NO mind, but at times when I would look around the room at guests and she would be sitting there with a attitude written all over her face. For a second it pissed me off, but I definitely didn't let her ruin my day. So it really depends on how much something or someone bothers you.

Good luck with your decision!

sweetjess2011

I wouldnt invite her, I need no NEGATIVITY at our wedding!!

simbidi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_uumm-grandma-request-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:fcb403a1-ea28-4ee2-89db-500575aadf08Post:988b0e1e-e900-4ca0-837c-c0f67c21c67a">Re: Uumm - so my grandma has a request... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I would not invite her.  period.</strong>
Posted by Fabbiegirl[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This.</div>

desi2002

I honestly dont know what I would do... i like to say that im a people pleaser, but if she had talked about my man??? I don't think i could get over it enough to invite her...

happe2gether

Thanks ladies!!

Yes my grandma actually knows everything that went down.  I was actually defending one of our aunts from her when she turned the attack on me. Even though I wasn't the one starting the problems my grandma thinks if  apologize it will all get itself worked out.  Thanksfully my mom told grandma "Hell NO!" to the apology and I've kept it moving since then.  

She most likely won't be invited I'm just surprised she asked me knowing how things went down.  But I guess that's what grandmas do.

missowens

I glad you decided not to invite your cousin.  I think you made the right choice!