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South Asian Weddings

Parents and FILs meeting?

Hi Ladies,

Can someone tell me how the initial meeting for Indian ILs usually happens and what is the best way to get the ball rolling?


Re: Parents and FILs meeting?

  • edited December 2011
    So we had a similar issue but it was more with being in two very far locations -- my parents are in Chicago while his parents are in the Cayman Islands.  Both of ours are Indian but we weren't big into the traditional who meets who first but rather what was the most convenient for everyone.  They met for the first time at the engagement which was in the Caymans but they spoke on the phone quite a bit before that so it really helped with the relationship.  So my parents went there instead of the other way around which might be more traditional.

    I think you should definitely get them talking on the phone and then talk to your FI and if it's more convenient for his parents to visit yours, then perhaps that should be the best thing to do.  I think you should involve all the parties to see what can be done -- I don't think meeting at the wedding is the best option!

    Good luck!
  • krivitskrivits
    edited December 2011
    Hey Megha,

    I forgot to add a crucial piece of information - my parents don't speak English very well. They communicate on a very basic functional level but they sometimes even have a hard time understanding FI. And the FILs speak English very well but they still have an Indian accent and that would make it even more difficult for my parents to understand them!

    We're not doing an engagement party unfortunately because we're both in school in different cities not where our parents live and it's been a challenge already wedding planning.
  • vedikavedika
    edited December 2011
    It sounds old school, but what about a letter/email. It does seem a bit impersonal, but it's a start! Also, maybe planning a trip during a three day weekend (if notice is given in an ample amount of time, would it be feasible for your parents schedule?) to meet FI's parents, or vice versa. In the Indian culture, it was usually the groom's family who came to the bride's house. Obviously, this has changed into what families and couples see fit and appropriate. I strongly suggest making the time to introduce both families before the wedding. It will give you & FI, also both set of parents, a peace of mind as well. Keep us posted and good luck!
  • edited December 2011

    This was really hard for us, too (families a plane ride apart).  Originally, my ILs (Indian) were going to have some kind of shower/engagement for us in the spring and my mother (not Indian) was going to come to that and meet everyone.  Somehow, the lines got crossed and the party ended up being on Christmas Day, the most inconvenient time for my family to travel.  Yep, confusing.  Anyway, our families are very easy going and, basically, any time I was visiting the ILs, I'd call my mother and she and my husband's mom would chat on the phone.  They also exchanged email addresses and wrote to each other pretty regularly leading up to the wedding.  It worked out that they only met each other for the first time at our rehearsal.  Everything turned out totally OK and they got along famously. 

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