So I'm not sure where we stand right now.

HisBelovedOne

He confessed yesterday that before I moved out, he hadn't missed being a care-free, irresponsible young adult. Now that I've gone, he's gotten a taste of it, and now he doesn't know what he wants more.

He wants to be with me and have our family and all that. But he wants to be able to be the typical 21-year-old who goes out drinking whenever he wants, stays up till all hours playing video games with his friends, etc, because he's young enough to not have any responsibilities and old enough to be legal.

I never got to be the typical 21-year-old; by the time I turned 21 I was single with a disabled 6-month-old baby and I had to be a grown-up. Now I'm 25 with a disabled 5-year-old and another baby on the way. Not that I'd ever really wanted to do that kind of stuff anyway; I was perfectly content before I had a child to sit at home with a good book and a cup of tea. He thinks it's weird that I don't go out with people often and that I'm happy being a homebody and maybe he's right.

Maybe it was unfair of me to expect him to be a grown-up at 19 when we met and 20 when we got engaged and 21 when I got pregnant. He acted like he wanted to settle down, he said he wanted to settle down. Said he wanted our family. Now he isn't so sure and I don't know where that leaves us.

The counselor wants us to do this compatibility assessment thing before we schedule another session with him. So I guess we'll do that, but he's going to have to decide what he wants more - freedom, or his family. He can't have both.

The jeweler has already sent my wedding ring. I suppose for now I'll just keep it in the bottom of my jewelry box with his wedding ring (which still needs fixing, as I still can't afford the $80 for the repairs), and depending on what he wants to do I might put my engagement ring and the penguin necklace he gave me for my 24th birthday with them.

temurlang

Having read many of your posts, I just want to say that I really hope things work out for the best (whatever that may be).

You seem a lot more mature than he is, which doesn't mean that he won't catch up, but you can't tell when that will happen.  I'm not the mature type myself and I was the typical 21 year old like you described.  Settling down was difficult for me and DH proposed 4 times before I said yes.  It's not that I didn't love him, but it was hard to face being responsible and growing up.

The important thing here is you and your kids.  Just remember to put the three of you before trying to save him.  I don't mean this to sound bad, but honestly all your posts make me worry about you.

MrsBM

Sorry to hear Beloved   I must say that at least he is being honest with you.  As much as it hurts he's telling you how he feels without stringing you along...so you know he cares about you.

Having said that - a serious decision will need to be made from his end as he has a child on the way with you and he needs to be mature about his responsibilities. 

Even though you cannot see it right now - things always work out to be better for people in the long run.

Good luck with the assessment! 

raangoli

I am really sorry to hear about the turn of events, Beloved. It sounds like you both have a lot of soul searching to do, both on your own and together as a couple and family.

It's good that he is finally being honest with you, to me its a step in the right direction. But he needs to understand that he can't have it both ways and will still need to be a responsible parent regardless.

I think the assessment is a good idea, it will help you both to see what it is you want.

Your son and future daughter are lucky to have a grounded, realistic person as their mom, I hope it works out for the best.

HisBelovedOne

Thanks, friends. I know it's been a lot of drama lately and I'm not normally about the drama. It just... happened with him and I don't know how, really.

temurlang, thanks for your concern. I know better than to think I can "save" him. There's nothing I can do - that lies solely with him. I'm just trying to get through this with as much of me intact as possible.

We got together November 2008, and in the first two years of our relationship he acted like he was more mature and was ready for a serious relationship. He knew about Kidlet from before the beginning of our relationship. We met in a college class in September 2008 and were friends for a couple of months. It wasn't till recently that his behaviors started to change and now, I guess, it's a matter of handling the fall-out.

He's suggested calling everything off, and then with his next breath he changes his mind and says he wants to work through it as a couple, only to go back and forth between the two every time we talk. I told him that he needs to decide what he wanted to do, and he asked me to give him some time to think about it. I don't know how much time I can realistically give him, with our relationship in limbo like this, before I start feeling like he's just stringing me along.