South Asian Weddings

Excluding the Vidai from the wedding day

My Mom has a relative who recently got married. After the wedding, they announced they were not doing a vidai because they want the celebration to be a happy one. So there was loud music and happy greetings instead.

I really want to do this because the thought of moving away from my parents and saying any kind of goodbye is very difficult for me, and on that day, I know it will be too much for me to do. I really really liked that idea.

FI is keen on it. As far as we know, it's not a religious thing, but a cultural thing. He hates vidais...he has a very hard time watching them and has told me he cannot bear having to watch me do it as well. He's an emotional guy :)

I don't think it's a bad idea. I think I'd rather celebrate getting a new family and being married. I want to say hello to and hug all the people who came. Yes, there may be a few tears, but I know now that it can be changed.

I really like the idea. What do you guys think?

Re: Excluding the Vidai from the wedding day

  • edited December 2011
    I like this idea. The vidai is so sad and I am not sure it should still be done now that things are more modern. In the past, it was because the bride would literally be leaving her family for her husband's family. But now, that notion is kind of dated, so I don't see a reason to do it.

    The wedding day, to me, is a day to celebrate the start of a new life together as husband and wife. I am sure I will cry, but it will be tears of happiness/joy rather than sadness. I am not leaving my parents and they know it, so to me, there is no need for the sad tradition of the vidai.
  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad. I was worried no one would get it.

    It's too much to say good bye and move from my parents to another country, but to have all my relatives lined up to say goodbye to them all is too much.

    I'd rather we play happy music and have fun.
  • Bhanu&AnujBhanu&Anuj member
    edited December 2011
    Ya ...If I could say...let's forget the vadai I would...but I know I'd get veto'ed immediately....It's kind of an unecessary cultural event.  All the ladies ruin their make up!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We didn't do it :) Why on earth would you ruin your makeup - or for that matter, have other people ruin their makeup!

    With all the technology we have, you don't have to leave your parents behind - cell phones, skype, internet, facebook, um um, email, driving instead of walking two miles worth of snow, and of course airplanes :)

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • bollywooddesibollywooddesi member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Sorry, I'm a traditionalist.  I understand the idea of not doing the vidai, and in a way I welcome the thought, but I feel like you're jumping ahead to the next day's ceremony.  For me the vidai is another nod to traditions of heritage, and another rich element of the entire day.

    I got a new letter from Full Circle Eventi ( a while back about vidais and I really like what she said -

    "Yes, it is an emotional moment, but one to make us stop, think, and really be grateful for our parents and all that they’ve done for us.  The answer lies in repurposing the ceremony, not excluding it!  Instead of carrying out the ceremony as a sad moment and “imagining” we are leaving our homes and families far behind (since clearly they can pick up a phone or get you on the computer at any hour!), embrace the moment and ceremony as a reflection of pure and honest love for mom and dad, who’ve gotten you this far.  Who’ve supported you and allowed you to grow into a beautiful woman!  (of course explaining your new repurpose of the vidai to your guest is a whole new challenge!)"


    Just my thoughtsKiss




This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards