Gay Weddings

Eloping vs Wedding

My fiancee and I are planning a wedding for November of this year.  Initiallly, it started off to be just family, with only about 20 people to be invited.  However, my grandparents are anti-gay marriage and may not come, and her family is not all that supportive either.  I'm wondering if we should just save ourselves the money, hassle, and heartache of trying to plan a wedding and elope instead so that there are no expectations of people to come.  We could have a party to celebrate (as was our plan anyway) for extended family and friends the following summer without the pressure of the 'wedding' title associated with it.

Re: Eloping vs Wedding

  • edited December 2011
    we thought a lot about this too and eventually decided that we had both dreamed of a wedding and so why not have one... and just ignore all those who might have a problem.  we to have people who are anti- in our families... so they will definately not come... but we really don't care... we know that those who are coming will be a part of our celebration and thats what counts...  So that was our decision... but i can definately see the eloping option too..... i guess it depends on everyones own preferences and situation....
  • K&J64K&J64
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Our families have been pretty great so far, my family has always been super supportive and my FI's has come around nicely for the  most part. We're having a huge, typical NJ wedding and I wouldn't have it any other way. If anyone has an issue with our wedding they can stay home or just keep their mouths shut. I'm not going to let anyone ruin the day for us, it's going to be magical :)

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  • nicknuttncnicknuttnc
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011

    I think if you are not having alot of people and you can see saving money, then you should eloped. Make sure this is what you want and you will not regret the decision.

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  • edited December 2011

    It's unfortunate your family isn't very supportive of your wedding. I don't understand why they wouldn't want you to be happy! However if you want to have a wedding, I say go for it. The people who love and support you will be there and honestly that's all you need! As for eloping, you have to do what's right for you. It is easier and cheaper to elope and you could have a small reception when you get back. I always dreamed of having a traditional wedding with a big white wedding dress. I know, not everyone will support our decision but I can't let them ruin our day. It's our day just like it's going to be your day! You need to do whatever makes you guys happy :)

  • edited December 2011

    It sounds like there are several things in play here. Whatever your long-time preference for a wedding has been, lack of family support and its anticipated consequences at the wedding, and a desire to minimize any harm that might come from their reactions and/or attendance. I think the best thing to do is to weigh the pros and cons of each. Don't let others keep you from a wedding if that's what you really want, but if you are less attached to the idea of a wedding, then your elopement/party idea sounds like a viable option. We went through that too, and it turned out that a wedding won out. But either option is good because they both have one very important thing in common-- marrying the person you love! Remember who the marriage is for... Good luck!

  • edited December 2011
    Congrats..

    my FI and i are in the same predicament. She wants to elope since we would only be having about 4 people there. I on the hand have dreamed of a wedding since i can remember. We so far have settled for just going somewhere intimate and having our daughter there and my best friend and maybe my brother and her bestie. My family is gay supportive however they are not supportive of my relationship (im moving out of state to live with her). Her family isn't supportive at all. So to us having a small little wedding is important. we are going to have a reception back in fl when we get home with her friends. I say maybe just invite who is supportive and would mean a lot to you to come and leave the others out. You dont want to have your wedding day and be thinking oh i hope so and so dont say anything to ruin my day. You can say oh i wont let them ruin my day but u know if someone says something so negative you are going to be upset. so i say forget the ppl who are not supportive or are kinda supportive and invite who matters most have a wonderful wedding.
  • LovelikewoahLovelikewoah
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    This is something that FI and I talk about all the time. While I think it would be lovely to go somewhere and get married legally and it just be the two of us, I think our families would be sad if they didn't get to share in our day. Neither of our families are able to spend the money to travel out of state to witness our wedding, so I think we will end up with a small wedding here where we live. Do what YOU want, don't worry about what your family wants or thinks, this is YOUR wedding, not theirs.
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