How do I tell someone not to dance

sustot

I had a friend visit me yesterday to inform me that one of my "bridesmen" (our party is mixed male/female) is planning some sort of dance for our wedding reception.  She isn't exactly sure what type of dance he is going to perform, but I know how he dances since I am constantly telling him I'm not trying to have sex with him on the dance floor.  This makes me very - scared and nervous.
Besides the "who knows what type of dance he's going to perform" anxiety, I am also worried that it will bore the guests.  We already have our first dance, father daughter/mother daughter dance (we're splitting the song) and our wedding party is doing a dance together.  Already we have too many dances, and I just don't know how to go about approaching him about my reservations.  From my conversation I gathered he is very excited and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him he can't do it...but I really don't want him to.
Since we still have a while to go, maybe he'll simply forget about it himself.  I'd thought of casually bringing up the dances already planned and hope that he gets the picture on his own.

K&J64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_tell-someone-not-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:35aaa745-2ac4-4eea-b525-48f1e2b79b14Post:b84c1c29-77b3-41b5-a29f-7f41bb78a422">How do I tell someone not to dance</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a friend visit me yesterday to inform me that one of my "bridesmen" (our party is mixed male/female) is planning some sort of dance for our wedding reception.  She isn't exactly sure what type of dance he is going to perform, but I know how he dances since I am constantly telling him I'm not trying to have sex with him on the dance floor.  This makes me very - scared and nervous. Besides the "who knows what type of dance he's going to perform" anxiety, I am also worried that it will bore the guests.  We already have our first dance, father daughter/mother daughter dance (we're splitting the song) and our wedding party is doing a dance together.  Already we have too many dances, and I just don't know how to go about approaching him about my reservations.  From my conversation I gathered he is very excited and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him he can't do it...but I really don't want him to. Since we still have a while to go, maybe he'll simply forget about it himself.  <strong>I'd thought of casually bringing up the dances already planned and hope that he gets the picture on his own.
</strong>Posted by sustot[/QUOTE]

That's probably your best bet. Maybe even talk to him and tell him you're thinking of cutting the WP dance because there's just too many dances already. Hopefully he'll get the hint.

retaviato

Be direct. Get it out in the open and just ask him/her the question directly. You'll be glad that you did. Don't drop hints, don't beat around the bush, just say it. If you use the phrase, "I need to know" and "I need your cooperation here" - things like that - you'll find that you'll be more successful and you'll feel better about it.

jayetheartist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_tell-someone-not-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:44Discussion:35aaa745-2ac4-4eea-b525-48f1e2b79b14Post:5b243d61-2c76-41d6-88a9-b414e4921564">Re: How do I tell someone not to dance</a>:
[QUOTE]Be direct. Get it out in the open and just ask him/her the question directly. You'll be glad that you did. Don't drop hints, don't beat around the bush, just say it. If you use the phrase, "I need to know" and "I need your cooperation here" - things like that - you'll find that you'll be more successful and you'll feel better about it.
Posted by ttatum35[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  Just tell him you've heard he's planning a dance, and that you're flattered that he'd want to do that for you on your special day but that you have everything already planned out.  Maybe make a point of telling him that it's important for you that he and the rest of your guests just relax and enjoy the party you've planned because it's your way to thank them for coming to your wedding.

sustot

Thanks for your responses. Normally I'm not a "beat around the bush" type person...more of a control freak - which I'm trying not do with the planning. I took my friend in question to lunch yesterday and we had a talk. The dance he had planned was more elaborate than I had imagined it to be. When I expressed my concerns and explained there would be not just close friends, but parents, grandparents and work colleagues of both mine and my wife + the boredom factor with the overload of dances he understood. He stated he just wanted to give us something and he thought it would be fun. I told him I understood and was very grateful for the idea and thought, but just felt it would not go over well with all of the other guests.
Luckily, his feelings weren't hurt - at least he said and acted as such. The rest of lunch was great.