Gay Weddings

First dance or not to dance?

Our ceremony and reception will be the first time any of our friends and family will witness any PDA (Public Display of Affection).  Why you ask? Well, although they have known about our relationship, we have not openly displayed our affection in front of others. The reason being because for years we kept our our relationship from employers, co-workersor , some family and friends out of fear of rejection and being judged.  So, after years of just holding back any display of affection in front of others, it's hard to just flip a switch and be okay with it.  When trying to select a song for our first dance and trying to practice dancing to it, it turned out to be a very sad and ackward moment. I  don't know if we will be able to overcome the ackwardness. Not because we don't love one another but, because we have only on one or two occasions slowed danced together...let alone in front of a hundred people.   Any suggestions or advice?   I'm steering away from a cookie-cutter wedding/celebration in some areas. So any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Re: First dance or not to dance?

  • edited December 2011
    In my family PDA isnt really shown by anyone.  So, I was a little concerned about this as well.  My whole family knows I'm gay, and have for years, so hopefully they are comfortable with it. We;ve decided to do it.  If they are coming to our wedding, they are obviously supportive of us.  I dont think a dance and a kiss is going to affect them. 

    I would offer you this same advice, if they are coming to your wedding, they are already accepting of your relationship.  They know that there is traditionally a first dance.  However, if you are that unconfortable with it, i dont think there is a problem with you skipping that elemnt of the reception. 

    There are some traditional things we are leaving out of our reception as well, just due to our preference.  

    if seeing two people of the same sex dance is going to offend  them, you may also have other problems if you have LGBT friends that will also be attending your ceremony. 

    just a thought.  I wish you the best of luck.  I
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  • nicknuttncnicknuttnc member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you could do something really fun if it will be awkward to slow dance. You should do what makes you feel comfortable and happy. Do something where everyone will talk about it later and put smiles on everyone face. Remember to have fun on your day....

    My FI and I are going to dance slow and then have the DJ remix some "Doing the Butt" or : Wobble Wobble".
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  • K&J64K&J64 member
    edited December 2011

    If you don't want to do the dance because of your own personal comfort levels I think that's ok - but don't skip it because if what you think others will think. They're attending as guest to honor and celebrate you union and your love. Showing affection is only natural. I don't think my wife's parents had even so much as see us hug until our wedding day, we kissed many times and danced several times and it was fine.

    As for the nervousness of showing affection in front of others, just focus on each other, ignore everyone else in the room. Practice dancing together at home, and find a song that suits you both. I didn't take my eyes off my wife for a second during our dance, I hate being the center of attention and didn't want to look around to 120 people staring at us. So I locked eyes with her the whole time, it was actually the most private and intimate moment we got all day - so I would say go for it!

    Good luck!

  • sustotsustot member
    edited December 2011

    My wife and I were worried about the kiss since no one (other than a few friends) had seen us be that affectionate with one another.  The crazy part was our JoP didn't say "kiss the bride" or anything like we're just standing there for a few seconds and everyone starts yelling "kiss her."  Apparently they wanted to see it and the kiss got a very loud roar of cheers.
    You may be surprised at what your attending guests can handle on YOUR day.  If everyone there is simply there to enjoy your happiness in one another, it is not going to matter about a dance or kiss or garter removal, or so on.  They will be wrapped up in the moment enjoying it with you.
    As far as the awkwardness with dancing - maybe dance lessons could be something fun you could do together.  It would also help with nerves since you will be in front of a crowd.

  • chrmunchrmun member
    edited December 2011
    Question:  Twenty years from now, looking back on it, will you wish you had danced?
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  • edited December 2011
    If it's uncomfortable because you're not really used to dancing together, I say skip it.  My fiance and I aren't having a first dance for that reason.  We've never slow danced, it's not our thing.  I think if we did a first dance it would come off very obviously as something we felt obligated to do, not something that naturally belongs in our little offbeat wedding.

    But if it's about showing affection, it's a wedding and people who are there should be expecting some PDA.  There's kissing and dancing and hand holding at weddings.  I think that's kind of a given.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My wife and I did a swing dance for our first dance, which was fun.  And your own wedding is typically a very safe place to express PDA.  However, if you're uncomfortable with it, you can just skip it.  The guests don't have a checklist of what is "supposed" to happen at weddings.
  • cclaudia9393cclaudia9393 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you to all of you that have replied to my post.  Your support and advice was helpful.  One thing we are planning to do at our reception is a fun choreographed dance with our bridal party (my bridesmaids and the broomsmen, as my partner likes to call her side, since she doesn't consider herself the groom...she's still a bride too :-).  At first I thought it might be tacky at a wedding, but then is not your average wedding. LOL It is something that is more "us."  I like the suggestion of taking a dance class.  I had actually considered that to help ease our nervousness.
  • alisonzalisonz member
    edited December 2011
    I have been to two straight weddings where the couple just wasn't comfortable being the center of attention so the DJ invited all couples to join the dancefloor after the first minute or so of the song. Our friends also told us about it in advance so we could help encourage people to get on the dancefloor without feeling like they were intruding on their first dance :)

    I would choose a song that is not slow and sappy, and go for it. Its a special moment and you deserve to dance with your wife!! If you two are uncomfortable, everyone else will be too.

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  • TrumannaTrumanna member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    YES! Definitely, you cannot skip your first dance! =)

    check out my you tube channel (learn basic wedding dance choreography here)

    let me know what you think of my videos, if they're helpful or not. thanks. =)
  • GenCerriGenCerri member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do what makes you feel good!  My partner and I aren't into cheesy wedding stuff either - so we're going to (sort of satirically) have an outlandishly choreographed first-dance routine.  It won't be mushy or awkward, it will just be hilarious and super fun!  Isn't that what a wedding reception is about anyway?!
  • edited December 2011
    We decided to have about 30-45 secs of a first slow dance then bust out with the wobble and have the bridal party join us that way we r doing both!I'm more worried about the 1st kiss awkward !

    i finally found the one!
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  • edited December 2011
    How about you enlist the help of friends to dance at the same time? You'll still be doing your first dance but all eyes won't be on you. Perhaps call it a celebration of love dance and invite married couples to celebrate their love as well?

  • tbacklundptatbacklundpta member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiance' came up with the idea of popping open a fan in front of our faces for the kiss.  That way we wouldn't be uncomfortable kissing and the guests wouldn't feel uncomfortable watching and it will add a little humor.
  • Franny02Franny02 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally understand how you're feeling but we're going to do our 1st dance just because it's so important to me!!!! My fiancee could really care less... lol My awkward moment is the first kiss.... I don't know if we should skip that or just go ahead and do it because it is a given at weddings and they have to support our love if their coming to the ceremony and reception!!!
  • edited December 2011
    I think one of the most freeing elements of planning a lesbian wedding with my beloved is that 90% of our guests have never been to a gay wedding. That means that whatever we do becomes the guests' "norm" for all subsequent gay weddings. It's freeing, because we get to do what we want to do and what will be meaningful to us rather than being restricted by tradition and expectations.
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