Christian Weddings

Need support- Difficult In-Law Situation...long sorry

Hey ladies,
I am in need of some serious prayer. My FI and I have been together a little over 2 years and are getting married in 6 months. We are both seniors in college, I'm actually graduating in 2 weeks. The whole time we have been dating there have been increasing tensions with his family. First he decided not to be premed, and instead go into ministry (although he is now planning on teaching high school biology), which caused a lot of turmoil in the family, even though now he is going to do something he loves.

Then we decided to get married earlier than they liked (We talked to them last Oct. about our intentions and his mom wanted us to wait at least 6 more months to see if that is what we wanted to do). We got engaged in March and used his grandmother's stone (dad's mom) in the setting and over Christmas when he wanted the ring to get a new setting his mom said she didn't think it we were serious, that we had been saying this in an "emotional moment"...even though we talked about this to them months before...

The biggest thing happened over the summer. His financial aid came back awful and my parents offered him the guest house on their property (where we were planning on living when we got married anyway, but don't worry my parents are very intentional about maintaining appropriate boundaries, etc.) This saved him $6-7000 in loans that would be in his name after he graduated. This was affirmed to be the wise decision by our pastor, my parents (who are very wise financially), and our entire community...except for his parents who practically threatened to disown him over the situation (not come to the wedding, etc.)

My family has taken in my FI as part of our family and truly loves him. His family had a difficult situation of taking care of his grandfather with dementia until he recently died, and complained about no one helping their family. But when my family substantially helps Joe by giving him a place to live (to also greatly reduce loans upon graduation when we are getting married), they scorn us and threaten to cut off ties with FI. Instead they say the only reason he would do this is so we could live together. My parents are *the* last people on earth who would allow that, especially on their own property, anothr misjudgement of my family's values.

Things finally after much frustration, manipulation, tears, and pain. Now we are in the final decisions about the rehearsal dinner. They told us at the beginning that we could decide on our own what to do, and they would do it, specifically it could be informal and low-key or more formal. We decided we would like to have an intimate dinner at a semi-nice restaurant for ~30 people, and then come back to my family's house for dessert and "toasts" and invite all of the out-of-town guests to that. we are having around 100 people to the wedding, 90 of whom are out of town. His family isn't coming down until the day of the wedding, it is really my extended family that is coming from out of town. My family would actually appreciate this set up since it gives greater freedom to travel plans, but his mom won't take our word. I think she finally realizes this is what we want, but is complaining so much about it and won't listen to anyone's reasoning. My FI is only home for 3 days for Thanksgiving and is already having a hard time.

But, the really upsetting thing to me is: my parents were planning on paying for the wedding party's hotel. My FI informed them that they would be reserving the room for them yesterday and his mom said they would drive home and drive back the next day. They are 2 hours away! So they would drive back late Friday and drive here Saturday for our 1:30 PM wedding?!?! It was just so prideful and hurtful to me and my family that they would say that. What if something happened and they missed the wedding? I just think this is going to extreme lengths to preserve their pride.

I am at a loss as to further handle the situation. It is just so frustrating that they have done nothing to actually try to get to know my family and our values and instead have consistently judged my family.

Sorry this is so long...I am just so hurt and frustrated. I don't think they realize how much damage they are doing to our relationship with them. I think a lot of it is, at least at the beginning I'm not sure about now,  they really didn't think we were getting married or that my parents were even taking this seriously, despite when we said things to the contrary. My parents have offered us support and encouragement throughout this process and know that Joe is the man that God has brought into my life to be my husband. We are as prepared as we could be for facing life together through the unique challenges, trials, an discussions we have had to have. I just don't know what to do...

Props to anyone who actually read all of that. I needed to get it off my chest.

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Re: Need support- Difficult In-Law Situation...long sorry

  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. You and your family are doing the right thing. Keep doing what's right and it will all work out. Christians (or anyone, for that matter) should not judge anyone. It is good for you all to talk through things that are bothering you, but ultimately it's not worth worrying about. As long as the two of you have your love and are centered around the Lord, you can get through it (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). Enjoy your wedding planning- this is the only time you will get to plan your wedding, so take it all in and appreciate that God has put this man in your life. 

    Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving! 
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry my dear!  You can do this.  Just keep praying that God will change their hearts and open their minds to be more understanding.  I understand your situation, my BF parents are most difficult as well (aka his mother telling him when he got baptized into my church (granted his mom is a Christian just different way of celebrating Christ then we do that is) that she was going to cry all day and refused to come.  I will pray for you in this difficult time.  Just put your trust in the Lord, he will work everything out.
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for sharing your difficulties.  It helps SO MUCH to type it out and feel like you have some support out there.  We're here for you, and praying! 
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you have to go through a tricky situation like this during a busy time.

    I think there are two things to keep in mind through this:
    1) as upsetting as it is, his parents are adults and will make their own decisions. It doesn't sound to me like they're making wise ones, but those are their decisions to make. Ultimately you can't control them, so try to let go of that.

    2) Pray, pray, pray! God is in complete control of everything. You don't need to stress about this, because God is always in control. And He always answers prayer- that's a promise.

    I think it's also very encouraging to see your parents stepping up to try and help as well. You're so very fortunate to have them, as I'm sure you know.
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