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Couple more addressing questions

So, who do you say is on the return address part when you both live together and are the ones paying for the wedding?  Yours and FI's last names only?  Your full names? (I really don't want to do this - my name is long) Your first names only? 

And what about people you're addressing it to?  Let's say you have a friend who goes by Jen instead of Jennifer.  Nick vs. Nicholas.  You get the idea. 

And let's say you know the husband's full name and know the wife's first, but don't know if she has the same last name as her DH?  Is it bad to assume?  Can you tell I'm sick of getting all the addressing info?

TIA!
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Re: Couple more addressing questions

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    edited December 2011
    Are you asking for STDs or invites or both?

    When I did my STDs, I put both our full names on the return address label.  Our last names were not on the STD, nor was our picture, so I didn't want people to be confused about which Jenny or which Keith was getting married!  lol

    For STDs, I did "Jen"s instead of "Jennifer"s if we knew that's what they go by.  When I do the invites, I will put the formal names (if I know them). 

    I honestly don't think it's bad to assume the wife has the same last name as the husband.  I plan to assume that, unless I know otherwise.  I think it'd be weird to ask every couple just on the off chance that she didn't take his name.
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    edited December 2011
    Getting STDs ready to send out, but also wondering for when we do the invites. 

    Our STDs have our first names, but maybe I'll just make return address labels with just our last names for STDs?  So it'll say:

    Mylastname & Hislastname
    1234 Main Street
    Seattle, WA 98115

    I'm planning to use a smaller address label for the return addy labels on the STDs.
    image
    Family fall photo session with Ashley Hoyle Photography
    Married 7/10/10
    Wedding Planning Bio - Updated 6/13/2010
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    edited December 2011
    I think that would work just fine.  For me, my main worry would be the more-distant family members that might need that last name as a reminder.  They're going to recognize that they know you + your last name from the envelope.  I feel ya on the long last names.  Mine's only getting longer... ugh.
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    edited December 2011

    You're not actually going to hyphenate, are you?  That would be such a PITA to deal with  - I'm sure it's already tricky with the way it is now.  Heaven knows mine is.

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    Family fall photo session with Ashley Hoyle Photography
    Married 7/10/10
    Wedding Planning Bio - Updated 6/13/2010
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    jennuinnejennuinne member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think I would put both full names, but I think last names is fine.

    I would probably use full names, (Jennifer not Jenn), unless they go by a middle name or something completely different than their legal name.

    I have a lot of friends who haven't changed their names and feel very strongly about, but I know who they are.  I would try to find out.  But, if you don't know, use his last name.  The harder problem is when you know her last name, but not his...

    I'm not looking forward to this, especially b/c FI is terrible about getting me this info for his guests. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    OMG no.  Can you imagine?  Besides, an apostrophe AND a hyphen would be way too much punctuation for one person.  Surprisingly, people ask me this all the time though.  One person said that when we have children, we should give the child my last name as a first name, with FI's last name.  And if it's a girl, change the ending sound to "a" instead of "o".
    Yeah.  I could never do that to a child.
    FI's last name is one letter longer than mine though, so no matter what, it's getting longer.
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    carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our postcards didn't have a return address, but our Christmas cards did and I just did:
    MyLastName HisLastName

    On shorter vs. proper names, I put full names unless no one ever calls them by the longer name (so the person who goes by Liz and Elizabeth got Elizabeth, but the friend who we call Dan and never call Daniel got Dan).

    As for the last name, definitely make sure you put the correct one.  If you don't know, ask.  I had to ask and get a couple friends' husbands last names b/c I realized I have no idea.  Drr.  But it's better to get that stuff right than wrong.  I'd definitely notice if someone called me by the wrong last name on a STD or invitation.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_couple-addressing-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:61543b5c-1723-43e5-84a3-d6647c8f146cPost:c174e77c-2c2e-40d0-b379-c60aa2fecf6e">Re: Couple more addressing questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mylastname & Hislastname 1234 Main Street Seattle, WA 98115
    Posted by Tygirljojo[/QUOTE]

    We did this for the return address on the invites and on the RSVP envelopes, since we paid for most of the wedding. We used MILs house as the address since it was the only one not likely to change through the whole process.
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    edited December 2011
    Oooh, I should amend what I said about the guests last name.  If they are married, and haven't made it known to people that she didn't take his last name, I think it's ok to assume.  Honestly, I'd be pissed off if I was married & someone put my maiden name, lol.
    If they are NOT married & you don't know the other person's last name, you do need to find out.
    I think it is totally unrealistic though, to ask your entire guest list if all the women took their husbands name, just on the off chance that someone might not have.  Most of the time, when people don't take the name, they make it known.
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    carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also, I find that facebook is really helpful with this.   A little sleuthing will usually help you figure out the partner's last name.  :)
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    edited December 2011
    I just put my name on the return address since I'm the one who sent them! Fi's got nothin to do with it, his name doesn't need to be on it :) And I'm not inviting anyone who I don't know their actual names so I can't really help you out there. Just guess ;] I doubt they'll pay much attention to how the envelope is addresssed
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    edited December 2011
    I think we're going to go with the shortened names for our friends for the STDs.  As for if I don't know if the wife took on the husband's last name, I'm going to assume.  All those come from FI's list and it's a royal PITA trying to get that info from him.
    image
    Family fall photo session with Ashley Hoyle Photography
    Married 7/10/10
    Wedding Planning Bio - Updated 6/13/2010
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    jennuinnejennuinne member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Another thought:  I plan to email everyone (that has email) to double-check addresses and to get their names (correct spelling, right last names, SO's last name). 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Depending on how formal your STDs and invites are, the answers might be different.

    For STDs, since we sent them from our apt in CA, we had our address as the return address (even though my parents were hosting the wedding) simply because we wanted any returned ones to come back to us as we had the extras. I *think* I might have just put our address (no names), but I've heard others say not including a name (or even just a last name) caused problems for them so...I dunno. For invites, the return address was my parents' name and address.

    For STDs, we tended to be a bit more lenient and took things on a case-by-case basis...we used shortened names for some close friends but others who are are a little more traditional/uptight about etiquette had it formally addressed. It really depended. For invites, everyone was addressed formally. (Although on the inside for my parents and my grandma, I had it say "Mom and Dad" and "Grandma" and they really liked that.)

    For FI's family, I went with however FMIL's list addressed them. For our friends, I pretty much knew or could check via e-mail or Facebook. For my family, usually I or my mom knew. I think just a couple of divorced cousins I asked how they preferred to be addressed. We had gotten a lot of checks/cards for our engagement so sometimes you can refer to those, too. If you have a lot of people you're not sure about though, I wouldn't worry about it too much...you can't contact everyone! FWIW, I didn't change my name and I got lots of cards and have received invitations addressed as Mr. and Mrs. S...doesn't offend me.
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