Do you judge people who didn't wait?

agape1cor813

Do you think people who didn't wait, or people who slipped up and then recommit to purity, are less than those who make it all the way?

wheatney22

Good question

Nope. The bible says "salvation is personal". If someone sins and asks for God's forgiveness, who am I to judge? I am not God.
I believe a sin is a sin. In other words, who is to say that those who wait to have sex after marriage don't sin in other areas of their lives? Being sexually pure prior to marriage is not the only way to be a Christian.
I don't think it is our place as Christians to judge. The world does enough of that already. I do believe in living an exemplary life though that will cause others to want to live a more Christ-like life.

JoyMatt424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_judge-people-didnt-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6fad71cf-8547-427b-adfe-829090197298Post:efe78ad9-5ecd-4b96-8663-03a600dc8fe7">Re: Do you judge people who didn't wait?</a>:
[QUOTE]Good question Nope. The bible says "salvation is personal". If someone sins and asks for God's forgiveness, who am I to judge? I am not God. I believe a sin is a sin. In other words, who is to say that those who wait to have sex after marriage don't sin in other areas of their lives? Being sexually pure prior to marriage is not the only way to be a Christian. I don't think it is our place as Christians to judge. The world does enough of that already. I do believe in living an exemplary life though that will cause others to want to live a more Christ-like life.
Posted by wheatney22[/QUOTE]

I am 110% in agreement with this statement. I do not judge at all. Salvation is personal, and if you confess your sin, you receive forgiveness and can be made clean, that's the wonder of Jesus sacrificing himself for us!!

heyimbren

I agree, it's no one's place but God's to judge.

Plus, I know how hard it is to wait. I get that it's hard.

Jeffie86

I don't judge in the sense that they're being bad Christians, or insincere, or anything like that.  Because it's not my place.

I do kind of think to myself, "Really?  You waited all those years and you give in now?"  But I never say anything, and usually never think of it again.  Because it's their relationship, not mine.  But I am human.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't think those things sometimes, based on actions,  not the heart.

I kind of raise an eyebrow when people jokingly say they chose to get married suddenly because "we couldn't wait any longer to have sex."  Only because I've actually had friends that said this and I genuinely hope, for their sake, that that's not true.  Because it's better to have to ask for forgiveness for a mistake than to not take the covenant of marriage seriously.

jonigringa

To answer your actual question, NO--I do not think the person who messes up and then recommits herself to purity is less than one who stays pure.  We may not all be "innocent" but we ARE ALL purified from ALL sins by the blood of Jesus.

To address the issue of "judging" I always refer back to 1 Corinthians 5:

"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father's wife. ²And you are proud! Shouldn't you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this? ³Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present. ⁴When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, ⁵hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature^[a] may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.

 ⁶Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? ⁷Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. ⁸Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.

 ⁹I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. ¹¹But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

 ¹²What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."

I guess the question is: Is the person a confessing Christian who refuses to repent of their sin and continues on in it, or is the person a non-believer who "doesn't know any better?"

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Nope.  I leave the judging up to God.

sessionswedding

"May he who is without sin cast the first stone."

I definitely don't judge.  If a brother and sister in Christ have fallen by the wayside and need to be led back, judging them and looking down on them is certainly not going to encourage them to do so.

HeartOverMind

I think if you know a Christian who is having sex...(and you know them well enough) you should say something. Like a friendly, accountability, encouragement-type of thing.  We were just talking about this on Wed night in my Bible class. Best of all, pray for them.

I really wish I had someone to talk to about my struggles (who understood) before I had sex. Someone who would have prayed for me specifically for this reason and talked to me about it.  My BFF has never even had a serious BF, so she wasn't much help...I finally found someone AFTER the fact to talk with but slowly I feel God strengthening BF and I and showing me what we can handle as a couple and what we can't.    

But by no means, do I think less of Christians who didn't make it until marriage (and I hope no one thinks less of me). I hope they pray for those of us who didn't wait and pray for all of us who struggle. Sexually immorality is NOT the unpardonable sin....sexual immorality is no greater a sin than telling a lie or thinking you're better than someone else. The unpardonable sin, essentially, is PRIDE. Forsaking God...

If you are referring to non-Christians having sex before marriage, then the answer is NO. They are acting just the way they are supposed to be acting...there is no judgement that should be passed.

BTW...Agape' I like your SN....Agape' is my middle name!!!

dordtgrl4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_judge-people-didnt-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6fad71cf-8547-427b-adfe-829090197298Post:efe78ad9-5ecd-4b96-8663-03a600dc8fe7">Re: Do you judge people who didn't wait?</a>:
[QUOTE]Good question Nope. The bible says "salvation is personal". If someone sins and asks for God's forgiveness, who am I to judge? I am not God. I believe a sin is a sin. In other words, who is to say that those who wait to have sex after marriage don't sin in other areas of their lives? Being sexually pure prior to marriage is not the only way to be a Christian. I don't think it is our place as Christians to judge. The world does enough of that already. I do believe in living an exemplary life though that will cause others to want to live a more Christ-like life.
Posted by wheatney22[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

heyimbren

Heart - I agree with your post too. There is a difference between accountability and being judgemental. It's almost a similar idea in the end (pointing out something wrong) but it's your motivation and method that makes all the difference.

JoyMatt424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_judge-people-didnt-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6fad71cf-8547-427b-adfe-829090197298Post:89730616-eb68-4319-9c98-9321d5f4b915">Re: Do you judge people who didn't wait?</a>:
[QUOTE]Heart - I agree with your post too. There is a difference between accountability and being judgemental. It's almost a similar idea in the end (pointing out something wrong) but it's your motivation and method that makes all the difference.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Totally agree! Keeping your friends accountable is NOT judging. We are called to keep each other accountable!

twixinthemix

If I were to judge, then my fiance and I wouldn't be together.  Sometimes he still feels regret and apologizes for not waiting (his past two relationships have not been healthy), but I have forgiven him a long time ago.  And the fact that he's waiting not just because I want to, but because he wants to for himself and for God, makes it even more special!

GJones27

I'm going to put out a different line.  I highly respect everyone's answers; that is the proper Christian thing to do.  However, I think I subconsciously judge a little in certain cases.  I admit it, and I know I shouldn't judge.  
 
I tend to judge when I hear about casual sex.  Like, two people who just meet, have sex the same night they first meet, and move on and then have sex with new people later that week.  I had a female roommate who did that, and I lost respect for her because it seemed very selfish.  In contrast, I don't judge couples who love each other but don't decide to wait for marriage.  I believe sex can be an act of love, and I think it all depends on how you treat the act.

Ironically, I don't judge as much when it comes to prostitution.  I just feel really sad when I hear about it, because I can't imagine the financial destitution that must exist for someone to sell herself. 

But I agree with you all... salvation is possible, even if you don't wait.  I know this board is mostly Protestant oriented, but St. Mary of Egypt is a good example.  She was a prostitute, regreted her ways, changed her lifestyle, and became a saint and model for Christians. 

Meanwhile, I have to work on my judging...  I believe in waiting, but I have to learn to separate the act from the person a little better.  Anyways, I hope I didn't offend anyone.  I'm just being honest, because others may feel a little bit the same way and it's better to talk things out and improve on ourselves.

heyimbren

GJones, I'll admit that I do that too but I guess most girls were answering from the perspective of people having sex in a long term relationship.

I don't think sex should be treated casually at all. I do believe it should be within the terms of marriage, but for people who have been dating for 5 years and have sex and don't share the same beliefs as I do, I just see that as their choice. I don't judge that. But people who have sex just for fun with people they meet in bars or whatever? Yeah I think I do judge that. And you're right, I judge more than just the action I judge the person as well (which should never be done). I think that's something just about everyone can work on.

dordtgrl4

I agree GJones. I had a roommate who would casually have sex with her (abusive) boyfriend of a month and then when he cheated on her she had sex with her ex a week later just to know how it would be with him. I judged that. I feel bad about judging it, but I did.

However, I don't judge those who found themselves to have been in a relationship for a long time. I realize it sounds two-faced but I understand how hard it is to wait and we have all been in that temptation. I believe that is an act of love. Casual sex however, I feel is an act of lust.

That goes to say, it is important for us to pray for each other and keep each other accountable such as PP have already said. It's not easy, but it's worth it!

mattycam

I agree with all the previous posts! I try not to judge a person but judge by the fruits that they bear.

Matthew 7:16-20
¹⁷Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
 
My FI and I didn't wait and I do regret not waiting because although we are practicing celibacy, I think it would be a lot easier to abstain if one has never experienced sex. It is by the grace, mercy and our personal relationship with Jesus Christ that keeps us from day to day. We have been together for over 2 years and although I cannot say we have remained pure the whole 2 years, we believe that when we fall, we get back up again. We don't stay down and I think it's important that people struggling with sexual sin remember that.

jonigringa

Well said, mattycam!  It's not really about the "falling" but about what you do afterward that counts.  We all fall in various ways (not just purity issues, either), but when we repent of our sin, God (thankfully) separates our sins from us as far as the east is from the west.  (I LOVE that song by Casting Crowns!!!)  :-)

Good quote from Matthew 7!