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Christian Weddings

Ever want to rethink your bridal party....need a Christian perspective!

So I chose friends and family for my bridal party.  I have my best friend and college roomie as my first maid of honor.  My sister who decided not to be in the wedding at one point - then came back in - is the 2nd maid of honor.  Next, I have  a cousin from each side.  Two friends from grade school - I was in their wedding.  My FI's sister and finally my goddaughter's mom. 

Ladies - they are driving me crazy.  Outside of the family members none of them really know each other, and they are actually arguing about who knows me better!  My bridal shower is this weekend - and guess who had to make her own bridal shower favors!!

My MOH keeps telling me she hates my bridesmaids. I think she forgets they are my family members and friends!  And they are frustrated with her because she keeps them out of the loop and just makes decisions without them!

My sister is secretly jealous cause she's divorced and also wanted to be the only MOH.  So she just complains about everything.  She lives in FL - I''m outside Philly.  I called her yesterday to ask her when she was coming up bc she will be here for the summer.  She said she wasnt sure - what did I want.  I just said I needed help with stuff. She said I should have thought about that when I picked my bridal party?????  Ugh!

The only cooperative members of the group are my 2 girlfriends who are already married!  And lets not start on my or his Momzilla's....I'll save that for another post!  Any ideas on how to get them to all see that they're stressing me!
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Re: Ever want to rethink your bridal party....need a Christian perspective!

  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I'd just tell them.  Tell them how much you love all of them and that you and FI picked the WP members that are important to them.  {The "worldly revenge" side of me would say that having them all in the same room somehow and you bursting into tears may help get the message across}.  I haven't dealt with this in my WP, but I was on dorm leadership in an all-girls dorm for 3 years...freshmen girls who were tighter than anything in September can be amazingly back-stabbing by March. Tearful pow-wows usually seemed to help. 
    If a get-together isn't logistically possible, and if all of your bridesmaids have facebook, you could also maybe suggest a facebook group for you and them.  I made one that's actually a secret group, so only my BMs and I can see it.  They can get to know each other, and it's a place to put our thoughts, ideas, and announcements out there without broadcasting everything to all of our friends or leaving anyone out of the loop.  And, if they want to discuss a surprise for you or anything, they can message each other and keep in touch that way. 
    Hope everything works out!  Just remember to pray before you open your mouth, and ask yourself, "Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?"  Adding fuel to the fire won't help a thing.
  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    My WP was 2 sisters, a cousin and a niece.  So there was no drama.  I think that the only piece of advice I have for you is to be honest and share your feelings as issues come up.  I think you can do that in a loving and caring way without offending anyone.  Good luck!
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the other girls.  It seems that the more BMs one has to deal with the more drama there is.  There's a girl on my club board who has 12 BMs! 

    My younger sister is my MOH and FI's sister is a BM.  That's all I wanted.

    Obviously no girl can be uninvited to be a part of the wedding party, so I would follow the others' advice and tell them that you've had enough with the back and forth bickering.  It's your wedding and you make the decisions regarding the wedding, no one else.
  • edited December 2011
    My DH had a similar problem with his groomsmen, in that his little brother wanted to be the only BM. (DH had both his brother and his best friend). Anyway, I'll tell you what I told my H. Your sister is being a jerk, and honestly, your MOH's should set the example for how to act. I would speak with both your MOHs to explain how you feel.

    If they understand, then when your other BMs start arguing about who knows you better, one of them could bring up that it doesn't really matter who knows you best. The important thing is that you all love each other. You mentioned that your sister is divorced. Did she have problems with her BP getting along when she got married? You may want to draw comparisons. Remind her how stressful a wedding is. Maybe she'll feel sympathy on you and act more kindly.

    Most importantly, pray for all of them. Maybe it will help you just as much as it will help them.
    Anniversary
  • kkidd28kkidd28 member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Thanks for all of your advice ladies.  I think part of me just needed to vent!  I'm doing lots of praying over here!  The worse part is that most of my issues come from the family members so its not the friends that are causing the drama!

    I was my the only person in my sister's bridal party - she really wanted to elope, but my father wanted a wedding in a church, so she settled for me - lol!

    After the shower this weekend, I'm gonna have a long talk with them all!

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  • edited December 2011
    Good luck! I hope it goes well!!!
    Anniversary
  • felkelsfelkels member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had no drama, but each and every one of my girls is in a different state...and NONE of them are in my state.  I have 4 girls, and my MOH wants to plan stuff, and has the numbers of my other girls, but I am pretty sure has not called them yet.  Mom and aunt planned a shower that none of my WP could be at.  the rehersal will be the first time that we are all in the same room at the same time except for one time, my graduation party...and that was just after meeting my FI and he didn't even come to the party. 
    Anyway, I would just be honest that their drama is hurting you.  Maybe plan something fun for everyone to do, a tea or something, or even just a movie night.  remind them that you care for each of them, and that they are all important to you.  then ask if they could possibly work together to help make your day special. 
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    They are only required to get their dresses and show up to the wedding. Sooo, stop involving them in wedding preparations. Don't ask for or expect their help ... plan it with your FI, or hire a planner if you really need someone else.

    You shouldn't be involved with your own shower (such as making the favors) or a bachelorette party. So if their bickering stems around that, just say, "It's rude for the bride to be involved in these parties, so please leave me out of it." Then end the conversation or walk away.
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  • mattycammattycam member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I have 7 BM (including MOH). The good news is that they all know each other so there is no awkwardness. My FI and I have been doing the planning and stuff. If you BM and MOH are having a difficult time getting along, I would restrict their responsibilities.  

    P.S. I agree with mbcdefg!
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