Church Wedding or no?

beautifulbridetobe11

My FI and I are baptists and very religious, but we don't want to get married in our church. We thought having the ceremony and reception in one locatin would be more convenient for everyone and there are some stipulations on photography in our church and we feel that would take away from the most important memories we'll have of our day. The ceremony will be very spiritual, just as if it was in a church.

My dad is not sure what he thinks about it, but my mom thinks it's because he doesn't like new things and people from our church always get married at the church and then go elsewhere for the reception.

We are meeting with our pastor on Friday. We hope he will be flexible, but there is also a chance that he will prefer not to do a wedding that is not in our church.

Do you have any strong feelings either way? Do you think we're being reasonable? Do you have any advice or thoughts?

fpaemp2011

The Church is the fellowship of believers, not necessarily the building they meet in.  If you and your FI don't want your ceremony in the building, there's nothing that says God won't recognize your marriage. 

Some people may find it odd, though, that you're having a totally "religious" (as much as I dislike that word) ceremony not in a church.  As for my personal opinions, I wouldn't find it odd if it was outdoors or in a special venue, but I would find it odd if it was in the hotel ballroom next to the reception.  I honestly would feel the couple decided to just have the ceremony there for convenience sake, and would feel they think the party is more important than the covenant they're making. 

If you're set on your pastor marrying you, though, you may need to be prepared to be flexible there.  For us, we knew that we wanted FI's dad to do the ceremony, and we wanted to find a church with a center aisle.  The church I grew up in doesn't have one, and FI's dad is from out of town, so we had to find a church that would allow non-members to use the facility, hold the amount of people on our guest list, and would allow a pastor that was not on staff to officiate the ceremony.  Thankfully, our wedding planner found several in the city we're getting married in and we were able to chose one that is significant to my family, and not just a random "pretty building."

Good luck with everything!

ccialone

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_church-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f00bf3ba-23d7-452b-9aff-3e68ac72fb48Post:bcd3e261-bccd-442f-9f12-63e5e012ce6d">Re: Church Wedding or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]The Church is the fellowship of believers, not necessarily the building they meet in.  If you and your FI don't want your ceremony in the building, there's nothing that says God won't recognize your marriage.Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]

I aboslutely agree. You are joining a union with you, your FI and God. You can do it absolutely anywhere and it is still the same union, it doesn't make it any different based on where it happens, it's the outcome that matters.

My FI and I decided not to have it at our church. At first some people where like "What??" But after we explained our reason, they had no choice but to stand behind us, we weren't doing anything wrong :-)

Good Luck with it! :-) I will absolutely pray for you! :-)

kitkatherine

No reason at all to have it in the church building itself.  I think it's really reasonable.  Lots of people don't want to get married at their church for a multitude of reasons.  It is your wedding day and the ceremony can be the same content wherever you go ^_^

iamjoesgurl

I think it is totally up to you and that if you'd like to get married outside or in a building that is not a church, you can have the same service with the same spirit present outside of a church building.  However, if I were you, I'd talk to dad to see why he is not comfortable with it just to understand his perspective.  Maybe after he's had time to process the idea, he'll be more comfortable with it.

katanne9

We went through this also! I didn't want to get married in the church I grew up in because it's HUGE. (We're getting married outside at our venue).

God was outside before he was in a church building. Walls don't limit the church nor the sacred presence of God. Talk to your parents with your pastor and maybe they'll feel more comfortable with it.

You can go through a tentative ceremony outline to make sure that it feels sacred enough to them - worship/prayers/scripture/etc.

GL!

DanielleB80

I agree with all previous posts. My FH and I are not getting married in a church. Our wedding will be out of town for us and our church is not even in the same state. For convenience, the wedding and reception will be in the same place. Some people just can't understand why the wedding won't be in a church...I have to remind them that's not the only place God hangs out, He's everywhere.

erollis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_church-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f00bf3ba-23d7-452b-9aff-3e68ac72fb48Post:20d34d91-931d-42bf-99ed-7da0c55fcec3">Re: Church Wedding or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people just can't understand why the wedding won't be in a church...I have to remind them that's not the only place God hangs out, He's everywhere.
Posted by DanielleB80[/QUOTE]

 I giggled a little at this. It is so true. Church is not the only place God hangs out, He's everywhere. Love it.

beautifulbridetobe11

Thank you so much ladies. I totally agree with everything you said about the church just being a building. The real "church" will be in attendence no matter where the wedding takes place.
I will definitely talk to Dad about his feelings. I want my parents' full support and their comfort is obviously important to me.
Well, tomorrow afternoon we'll know what the pastor thinks about it. We do have a few other pastors that we could ask if we needed to, but we really wanted to go with our first choice, because he was our youth pastor and we are closer to him.

ETA: Our pastor is thrilled to do our wedding and open to any venue that we would choose! I'm so excited!

aricherry

I'm religious also, and until 4 years ago I had never been to a wedding of one of my church member's that wasn't at the church. Then my cousin had his wedding at an actual venue, and everyone still came. My point is, it may be different and new, but you're still the bride. If my cousin had never had his wedding away from our church, I would never have had the nerve to have mine away. Just because it's unusual doesnt make it wrong. everyone will come and have fun.

kedorsett

My FI and I also decided not to get married in a church. We had alot of reasons. We grew up 2000 miles away from each other and neither one of us wanted to get married in our own church. We didn't want to get married in a pretty church just for the sake of getting married in a church. It wouldn't have meant as much. So we decided to get married on the beach, overlooking God's beautiful creation itself. After all, the church is just a building. But God MADE nature. Its a wonderful gift and we feel blessed to be married there.

It is your decision, in the end. Do what makes you happy. As long as your marriage is God-honoring, the location should not matter. Happy planning!

mattycam

Originally when my FI and I started planning, we were going to do everything at one location as well. It is cost efficient and like it was mentioned before, God is everywhere! It is up to you and your FI. Just because you guys decide to think outside of the box, doesn't make you less of a believer of Jesus Christ. Christian weddings happen everywhere not just in one place. If you and your FI are designed for eachother, it really doesn't matter where you get married, as long as you get married!

ahunte07

I am baptist and my fiance is Catholic this is one reason why we are not getting married in the church,  I've always thought I would want a Church wedding but we decided to have it in a garden. I think this way we will please both sides of our family and not make anyone uncomfortable. I dont think it really matters because we are both being married in the presence of God no matter where me are.

SuMmErKuTiE

We decided not to get married inside the church either, and had our ceremony outdoors at our venue. It was great to have everything all at one location which made it so much more convenient for the guests and we saved a ton of money by not needing to rent limos.

I also agree that God is everywhere not just behind the walls of a church. As long as you still put God into your ceremony I see nothing wrong in having the ceremony elsewhere. HTH!