parents meeting parents after years of avoidance

Mercyme4453

My fiance and I are hoping to find a way to get ourselves and our respective parents together in a situation where they can break the ice after almost 4 years of communication avoidance.

 

About one year into my boyfriend and my relationship, our mothers exchanged words that were both hurtful and offensive to each other out of anger regarding our relationship. We were 18 or so at the time. They have avoided all contact as much as possible. (They were never best friends, but always civil enough - being that they live in the same town.) Now that we're engaged, we would like them to communicate once again because they have all agreed to help with the wedding. 

We aren't sure what situation/setting might be best for our parents to break the ice. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! 

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parents-meeting-parents-after-years-of-avoidance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0038e5ed-6a3d-4208-970a-d0ee7d5f419ePost:f60c8f2c-34a4-47d7-be34-01415d7e4217">parents meeting parents after years of avoidance</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are hoping to find a way to get ourselves and our respective parents together in a situation where they can break the ice after almost 4 years of communication avoidance.   About one year into my boyfriend and my relationship, our mothers exchanged words that were both hurtful and offensive to each other out of anger regarding our relationship. We were 18 or so at the time. They have avoided all contact as much as possible. (They were never best friends, but always civil enough - being that they live in the same town.) Now that we're engaged, we would like them to communicate once again because they have all agreed to help with the wedding.  We aren't sure what situation/setting might be best for our parents to break the ice. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! 
Posted by Mercyme4453[/QUOTE]

I think the best way would be to sit them down, explain that this wedding is for you, and that certainly as adults they can be civil to each other for a few hours (that's really all they need to be near each other) in order to make their CHILDREN happy.

If they're helping financially do not do not do not discuss with the other how much money is being spent, where it is being spent. If they want to see what they're spending their money on keep those things separated completely. One gets total control over venue, one gets total control over catering. This will ease tension for everyone involved.

Good luck!

6fsn

Agree with butter.  Invite everyone over for dessert and lay it out there. 

tawillers

I don't know.  If you say they are civil around each other now, what more do you want?  You can't make them be friends and really it's not your place to make them hash anything out.  They're adults and can decide whether to become friends or not.

I wouldn't meddle.  You'll just end up upset if they don't want to talk/make the fight worse.

ETA:  If you just want to find out how they want to help with the wedding, talk to each set of parents seperately.

Bevosby

The situation at my brother's wedding was our own parents(divorced for over 30 years....still bitter and not talking).  He got married in May and we're getting married this coming April.

My brother and his now wife were terrified that my mom would do or say something to ruin everything. 

I asked my dad to reach out to my mom with a phone call at a time I knew she wouldn't be home and just leave a message on the machine.  Saying that he was happy to see their son all grown up and married and glad they could share in his joy as his parents.  Thanking her for being such a good mother to him, etc.

My mom was blown away.  Of course she didn't know that I had orchestrated the whole thing, but she was very moved.  She HUGGED my dad and took pictures with him and our step parents DANCED together and everyone had a blast. 

She still remarks that she wished they'd been in communication sooner. 

Not the same situation, I know.  Just trying to give you some hope. And if your mom or her mom could make the first step, it just might work. 

Good luck.