Wedding Woes
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I love him but....

OH MY GOD!
He has turned into a total stranger in the past two months! We got engaged on New Year's Day and since then all of his "flaws" have become HUGE issues!

For instance:
He never was a big cleaner, but now he not only doesn't clean, he uses the freshly cleaned areas for making bigger messes.

He's always wanted kids (so do I) but he was the one that insisted on next March for the wedding (I wanted this August)... now he wants to have kids BEFORE the wedding... and we're Catholic, not to mention that he thinks its fine to spend a million freaking dollars on a wedding, and then show up the size of a blimp

He wears my socks, uses my razors, drank a bottle of vodka given to me as a gift, left the laundry room door open so the dogs found my underwear as a mid-morning snack, now thinks that picking up after them if they get sick is to just throw a paper towel on top until I get home... the list goes on!

I know women make the joke "now that I've got the ring..." but now what do I do? I don't want to live with THIS for the rest of my life! How do I fix him? how do we go back to the partnership we had?

Has anyone else had this problem?????
This is supposed to be FUN! So drop the worry, grab your sweetie, and enjoy the process! We're getting MARRIED!!!

Re: I love him but....

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    Most obvious question: Have you talked to him about all of these things?

    To answer your question... yes, any long term boyfriend I've had  - especially the live in one, gets sloppy over time, shows more of his more true/relaxed colors as time goes on if thats who they really are. My FI is also getting more relaxed around me (we've been engaged about the same time).

    A lot of these things are just part of living with someone and as people get more comfortable (I'm guessing the engagement made him feel a lot more comfortable with you) they start to show more.  I don't want to trivialize what you're feeling if these things really bother you - but in the grand scheme of things losing a pair of underwear and a bottle of vodka (assuming hes not drinking it all because he's an alcoholic) is not that big of a deal - or at least, it shouldn't be. If you're gonna share a life together, you're gonna have to learn to share all these things, and lose a few to your partner. The sloppiness too has probably always been part of who he is, and he was just keeping it in to put on a good impression until he was sure that things were serious/permanent on some level with you. I would just express to him how much these things bother you and see if you can't reach a compromise.

    If you're Catholic and having a Catholic wedding, I assume you're doing pre-cana counseling in which case you could discuss the "when to have kids" issues with the priest/couple that will be assisting you through your counseling. Seems really weird that he is in such a rush to have kids, when they could easily be had next year - is he afraid of losing you and trying to tie you down all of the sudden?
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    You can't fix him.

    I'll say that again, because it's important - <em><strong>You can't fix him.</strong></em>

    Think hard about how things were pre-engagement. If they really were different, think about how much things have changed just with the engagement ring. Then speculate about how much MORE things will change with the wedding ring. (Hint: the change won't be in the opposite direction.)

    If things really weren't that different, there's still an issue, because it's normal to notice things more post-commitment. But those things are still an issue. Adding kids will only magnify whatever is true about your relationship, good or bad.

    I wouldn't want to live with that for the rest of my life, either. Hell, I wouldn't want ot live with that for the rest of the weekend.

    I'm not going to tell you to DTMFA quite yet, but look hard. And definitely don't marry or breed with him before you are 200% sure of what you are getting yourself into.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-love-him-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:016e67ba-4d34-48b1-b2d3-e86f5095fe02Post:a7282305-efdb-4b7c-b839-53da96e42ef5">I love him but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]OH MY GOD! He has turned into a total stranger in the past two months! We got engaged on New Year's Day and since then all of his "flaws" have become HUGE issues! For instance: He never was a big cleaner, but now he not only doesn't clean, he uses the freshly cleaned areas for making bigger messes. He's always wanted kids (so do I) but he was the one that insisted on next March for the wedding (I wanted this August)... now he wants to have kids BEFORE the wedding... and we're Catholic, not to mention that he thinks its fine to spend a million freaking dollars on a wedding, and then show up the size of a blimp He wears my socks, uses my razors, drank a bottle of vodka given to me as a gift, left the laundry room door open so the dogs found my underwear as a mid-morning snack, now thinks that picking up after them if they get sick is to just throw a paper towel on top until I get home... the list goes on! I know women make the joke "now that I've got the ring..." but now what do I do? I don't want to live with THIS for the rest of my life! How do I fix him? how do we go back to the partnership we had? Has anyone else had this problem?????
    Posted by StephLynn1983[/QUOTE]

    image
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-love-him-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:016e67ba-4d34-48b1-b2d3-e86f5095fe02Post:a7282305-efdb-4b7c-b839-53da96e42ef5">I love him but....</a>:
    [QUOTE]OH MY GOD! He has turned into a total stranger in the past two months! We got engaged on New Year's Day and since then all of his "flaws" have become HUGE issues! For instance: He never was a big cleaner, but now he not only doesn't clean, he uses the freshly cleaned areas for making bigger messes. He's always wanted kids (so do I) but he was the one that insisted on next March for the wedding (I wanted this August)... now he wants to have kids BEFORE the wedding... and we're Catholic, not to mention that he thinks its fine to spend a million freaking dollars on a wedding, and then show up the size of a blimp He wears my socks, uses my razors, drank a bottle of vodka given to me as a gift, left the laundry room door open so the dogs found my underwear as a mid-morning snack, now thinks that picking up after them if they get sick is to just throw a paper towel on top until I get home... the list goes on! I know women make the joke "now that I've got the ring..." but now what do I do? I don't want to live with THIS for the rest of my life! How do I fix him? how do we go back to the partnership we had? Has anyone else had this problem?????
    Posted by StephLynn1983[/QUOTE]


    JIC.

    Also, fwiw, it doesn't sound like either of you is too into the Catholic thing, what with the cohabitation and all.

    image
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