I don't want a larger wedding now.

Coraje1021

Here is the deal, my fiance and I have been planning a wedding for October 6, 2012 with the intentions of  having about  150-200 people attend. I know this is not an extremely large amount of guests, but to me it is a lot of people. I'm a very shy person, and the thought of all those people with their attention on me terrifies me. I'm even dreading the bridal showers. When I think about these things, I feel physically sick. When we first started planning, I thought I could do all this. I thought I could be the kind of person who enjoyed planning. I thought I wanted a lot of people at the wedding.

Now, I just want something small. We have already booked our venue. We have our photographer and a DJ as well. We've put deposits down on all of these. My bridesmaids have already bought their dresses. My fiance's family has already set a date for a bridal shower, and my family is planning one as well. My fiance wants a larger sized wedding. He wants a good party. I feel like I will be disappointing everyone if I ask to change things to something much smaller. with only close family.

I also can't help but feel that all of this is just a bunch of hoopla. I mean we'll still be married in the end right? Why do we need to have a bunch of stuff to announce we are spending the rest of our lives together? It all feels superfiicial to me. I really want to change everything, but I feel like it is too late and I'll be disappointing everyone. Help!

saric83

Have you already sent save-the-dates?  In my circle, reducing it at this point would probably be really difficult since most people would already know about it and would be planning to attend.  It would have been great if you guys could have come up with a better solution earlier, but that ship may have sailed. 

So if it were me, I would start focusing on ways to reduce attention directly on you, so you feel more comfortable and talk to your FI about it.  Tell him that you're getting overwhelmed by the attention, so you're going to need his help to figure out a way to make this easier for both of you.

Some ideas....
- Can you guys talk with your families about canceling the separate showers and doing one big joint casual couple's shower instead?

- Don't plan on doing a head table at the reception.  Either do a sweetheart table with just you two or just sit at one of the regular tables (we actually saved two spots for us at each one of the four parents' tables, so we were able to spend time at each one of them.) 

- Do a first-look session with just you and your FI before the wedding.  It will give you time to have that private moment and spend time with each other before things get busy and crazy. 

- If time allows for it, plan to have breakfast with just you and FI the morning of the wedding.  If that doesn't work, talk with FI about both of you writing a card for each other that you can open. It can help you focus on the fact that the idea is about your marriage, not just a wedding and a party, and it's personal and private.

- See if there's something you can do to modify the ceremony space, so it feels like it's not so overwhelming with everyone (I've seen some really cool circular lay-outs that would make me feel like it was less-crowded.) 

- Don't do a traditional first-dance and talk with your DJ about how he/she can get the party started in a way that isn't so focused on you guys.

- If you want to cut the cake, have it off to the side of the room and don't have an announcement or anything, but just go over and cut it. 

- If you want to do the garter/bouquet toss, skip the whole part of your FI getting the garter off you.  Just have one ready to toss and maybe the DJ can help you figure out a way to have all of the single ladies on one side of the dance floor and the single guys on the opposite side (facing each other), and you and your FI can be standing next to each other in the middle with your backs to the respective group and toss the garter and bouqet at the same time.

- If you can fit it into the budget, hire a day-of-coordinator! This is someone who can help you figure out where to deflect unecessary things.  


I could keep going, but I've already written a novel here, so I'm going to stop.   But there are SO many things you can do to help yourself feel more comfortable.  Just work with your FI to help you figure it out.