I love my husband but this upcoming wedding we have to go to will probably break us probably. What d

YourAllINeed

I just need to vent. Yesterday evening, we were hanging out with some friends, another couple who is getting married in a few weeks. We were hanging out having a fun time just playing some board games but then my husband started being weird and started making fun of me if I got some questions wrong as if I were stupid! For the record I am not stupid but he seems to think he is smarter than I am and needs to teach me how to be as smart.

 The things he said were mean and embarassing and I think they left early because of the awkwardness. When I asked him why he said the things he said with tears, he told me that he wants me to be tougher but it was only a joke. I get it though because sometimes it takes me a while to get a joke but I didn't think it was right for him to be mean especially in front of other people.

How do I attend this wedding now that these people think my husband treats me like I am the idiot I am not?? Should I talk to them to explain that he was just joking???

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_love-husband-but-this-upcoming-wedding-will-probably-break-probably?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:067930ac-e1c5-47e9-817e-2a6515763fb6Post:af9660a9-cf52-4790-9ec0-5458fbec1975">I love my husband but this upcoming wedding we have to go to will probably break us probably. What do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just need to vent. Yesterday evening, we were hanging out with some friends, another couple who is getting married in a few weeks. We were hanging out having a fun time just playing some board games but then my husband started being weird and started making fun of me if I got some questions wrong as if I were stupid! <strong>For the record I am not stupid </strong>but he seems to think he is smarter than I am and needs to teach me how to be as smart.  <div>
</div><div>The things he said were mean and embarassing and I think they left early because of the awkwardness. When I asked him why he said the things he said with tears, he told me that he wants me to be tougher but it was only a joke. I get it though because sometimes it takes me a while to get a joke but I didn't think it was right for him to be mean especially in front of other people.</div><div>
</div><div> How do I attend this wedding now that these people think my husband treats me like I am the idiot I am not?? Should I talk to them to explain that he was just joking???
Posted by YourAllINeed[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>
MyAllINeed! Welcome back. </div><div>
</div>

6fsn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_love-husband-but-this-upcoming-wedding-will-probably-break-probably?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:067930ac-e1c5-47e9-817e-2a6515763fb6Post:af9660a9-cf52-4790-9ec0-5458fbec1975">I love my husband but this upcoming wedding we have to go to will probably break us probably. What do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just need to vent. Yesterday evening, we were hanging out with some friends, another couple who is getting married in a few weeks. We were hanging out having a fun time just playing some board games but then my husband started being weird and started making fun of me if I got some questions wrong as if I were stupid! For the record I am not stupid but he seems to think he is smarter than I am and needs to teach me how to be as smart.  The things he said were mean and embarassing and I think they left early because of the awkwardness. When I asked him why he said the things he said with tears, he told me that he wants me to be tougher but it was only a joke. I get it though because sometimes it takes me a while to get a joke but I didn't think it was right for him to be mean especially in front of other people. How do I attend this wedding now that these people think my husband treats me like I am the idiot I am not?? Should I talk to them to explain that he was just joking???
Posted by YourAllINeed[/QUOTE]

Your husband demeaned you, made you cry, and feels the need to make you smarter and your question is about how to go to a wedding with him? 

YourAllINeed

He told me that he didn't want me to cry over it, and we ended up getting along for the rest of the night and also today. It's something we'll probably talk about again and work passed. For right now things are okay because I don't want to fight anymore since it was only a joke. I understand why he did it but I am not sure our friends do. I just think I may need to explain his humor to them and I don't know how.

**O-Face**

Um.  His invalidation of your feelings is uncalled for and totally assholio.

6fsn

HE HURT YOUR FEELINGS, MADE YOU FEEL STUPID, AND MADE YOU CRY.  That is not a joke.  What possible explanation is there for this to be okay?

**O-Face**

6, don't you know...it is all OKAY if it is a joke, duh.

6fsn

In that case I'm glad my husband has no sense of humor.

arbolita

Have you decided what your wedding gift will be yet?  I totally suggest you get them their own version of that board game so they can relive the night over and over.  I'm sure then they'll totally get your H's jokes.

Queen Jane

I dated a guy like your husband. He thought I had communication issues so he would do the same kinds of things, make mean comments and be an all around douchecanoe. When that didn't work to his liking, he brought home and banged his disgusting ex so I could hear them (we were neighbors) to make me "see the light".

Guess what? It didn't work. He wound up realizing he was a complete asstard, ran away to Korea and married some brood there. I met FI and couldn't be happier. It was all for the best.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_love-husband-but-this-upcoming-wedding-will-probably-break-probably?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:067930ac-e1c5-47e9-817e-2a6515763fb6Post:8f045ece-ca39-4ee3-8fdc-c94787e1b137">Re: I love my husband but this upcoming wedding we have to go to will probably break us probably. What do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]He told me that he didn't want me to cry over it, and we ended up getting along for the rest of the night and also today. It's something we'll probably talk about again and work passed. For right now things are okay because I don't want to fight anymore since it was only a joke.<strong> I understand why he did it but I am not sure our friends do.</strong> <strong>I just think I may need to explain his humor to them and I don't know how.
</strong>Posted by YourAllINeed[/QUOTE]

I'd love to hear your explanation for your H being a jerk.

skippylouwho

Zitiqueen - exactly.

It hurt your feelings - yet you understand why he did it.

I just have to ask - was your DREAM to GROW UP and be a DOORMAT?  If so, you're succeeding.

Put a stop to it now or get out now. He gets ONE pass, he does it again and he hits the road. PERIOD.  He screwed up, you tell him it stops now and never occurs again. If it occurs again you cut him loose and move on. Or you can choose to be a good little doormat. It really is your choice.

jess9802

"I was just joking - you're too sensitive!" is the mantra of emotional abusers everywhere.

Muffin'sMom

I have been happily married for going on 31 years.  There are times we don't agree.  There are times when we each look at each other and think...seriously??? and roll eyes.

That being said, belittling is not acceptable.  Not ever.  Not even a little.  You need to explain that to him in no uncertain terms. 

We teach people how to treat us...what do you think you are teaching him by accepting that kind of mess?

flower_diva

he is an abuser....has low self esteem and is a complete jerk. ....call the wedding off-you can do much better than him....and run like hell in the opposite direction.....unless...you enjoy being menatlly abused like that......maybe the next step is pysical abuse.......ya..he's just joking my ass!

MiddlesexFells

[QUOTE]"I was just joking - you're too sensitive!" is the mantra of emotional abusers everywhere.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]... belittling is not acceptable.  Not ever.  Not even a little.  You need to explain that to him in no uncertain terms.  We teach people how to treat us...what do you think you are teaching him by accepting that kind of mess?
Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]he is an abuser....has low self esteem and is a complete jerk. ....call the wedding off-you can do much better than him....and run like hell in the opposite direction.....unless...you enjoy being menatlly abused like that......maybe the next step is pysical abuse.......ya..he's just joking my ass!
Posted by flower_diva[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE] I'd love to hear your explanation for your H being a jerk.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]HE HURT YOUR FEELINGS, MADE YOU FEEL STUPID, AND MADE YOU CRY.  That is not a joke.  What possible explanation is there for this to be okay?
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

I couldn't pick a favorite. I hope you listen to all these responses. Good luck, whatever you decide.

And Jeez, how could I forget the most important one?
[QUOTE]The things he said were mean and embarassing ... but I didn't think it was right for him to be mean especially in front of other people ... my husband treats me like I am the idiot I am not
Posted by YourAllINeed[/QUOTE]

CassieeK

Your husband sounds like a real d!ck, and you should take a good look at your relationship. But to answer your question, I would say don't bring anything up to the other couple. Doing so will only call further attention to it and make it more awkward. Plus, they won't buy it anyway. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much...."

tesskerr

I agree with the PP, but as someone who is sensitive, I can understand that sometimes jokes (I mean genuine jokes, like the kind of sh!t friends give each other) can sometimes be taken personally. I think if it was a genuine light hearted joke (I'm just thinking of how, when with friends, we all give each other sh!t) and you took it to heart, and he said sorry, then that's ok, just forget it.

But it sounds like that you both don't kid around like that with each other, and friends, and he was just being mean. It's not really ok. As long as he really knows how much it has hurt you, and you both KNOW he won't treat you like that again, and you feel like you have been apologized to genuinely, then again I would just forget about it, act like normal around your friends, and I am sure they will forget about it too.

If you think that it may happen again, then I would seriously think about either counselling, or calling the whole thing off. No one deserves to be humiliated like you were.

CatLadyAmy

Dont' worry about the other couple and attending their wedding. Worry about your own wellbeing. It's always "a joke" and it's "your fault" for being "too sensitive" and it's "for your own good". Seriously, this is how they start. If he pulls this kind of s**t again you should seriously consider getting him some help or getting out.