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Morro1rm

If anyone has any brilliant suggestions I would love to hear!

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grooms-family-guest-list-massive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:06eeb1d8-48ec-413b-b5fb-9d79432b9393Post:3eebcf00-d4dd-4679-9bfe-7a9e8633d4b3">Groom's family guest list is MASSIVE</a>:
[QUOTE]Let me start off by saying I've always planned on having a smaller wedding- maybe just over 100. Close family and friends. The ones you sit around drink/talk with and have a grand old time. I will primarily be footing the bill for our wedding as of right now. My fiance is going back to school soon and will only be working part-time. His parents have offered to match up to a certain amount that we save before the wedding. (I have some money saved, but this is mainly for a rainy day emergency type situation. Saving isn't really an option... unless it happens to be a great commission month for me). My parents have remained mum. I'm sure they will help. They just aren't saying how or how much. They offered to pay for myself and my fiancee to go to Hawaii or some other location and have our wedding there. My fiancee isn't into this idea. So I started off with about 125 as the number I was hoping for. And then I was told that family alone for his side would be about 100... so then I adjusted to the idea off the wedding being about 225. Now I was just informed to count on his family being more like 185!!! I know my fiancee has about 40 good friends he'd like to invite. My family and friends (including people my mom requested) total in at about 80. So now we are talking about over 300 guests!! I can't do it. 1. The cost associated with additional guest (meal, drink, additional mailings, thank yous, additional favors, more for liability insurance, and so on and so forth) 2. I don't want to spend my entire wedding day greeting so and so cousin of so and so- who I will most likely not see for the next 5 years. I want to spend it with family and friends. On one hand his family has told us that it is about us and what we want... yet on the other we are told "You don't slight family." I don't want to be a b*tch, but this is an extreme source of tension between my fiancee and I. I can't even think about the wedding without getting upset. I would love to elope or say immediate family only, but I know that's not what my fiancee wants. I am willing to give to some extent... but there is NO way I am having 300 guests... unless someone else is footing the bills. I played around with the idea of having two receptions... one where my parents are and one where we are now (where his family also lives)... but I don't think that bodes well for the future of a marriage. If anyone has any brilliant suggestions I would love to hear!
Posted by Morro1rm[/QUOTE]

When his parents are ready to foot the bill for 185 people, they get to invite 185 people.

When YOU are footing the bill (and you are), you get to say, "FILs, It looks like we have room for you to invite 70 people from your side. Can you please have those names and addresses for us by X Date?"

The end.
If they gripe, just say you're sorry, but you can't afford it.  Then stop talking to them about it. 

libbyloutoo

I think your FI and his family need to get a reality check

The wedding should be a compromise, not just what FI and his family want.
Also, unless they are planning to pay for all these extra guests they don't get a say.

You need to sit down with FI and have a calm talk with him and tell him what you want and what you can afford and hope he comes around

needle&thread

After all the festivities are over...you still have to eat and live somewhere.

Explain to your FILs that they can make a separate guest list.  You will pay for ## people that you want and they will pay for ## they want.  Inform them that the head count must be done by a certain date.  NOTE: Contact your caterer/venue and make sure they know who you are paying for by submitting your list.  Let the FILs submit their list so they can get their bill, separate.  When the FILs get the bill, at $XXX.xx per plate for all their guests, there won't be a problem.

Don't talk about it...be about it.  Let them have anyone they want (to pay for).

S and CJ

pmbuck06

Let me just say that I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from!

Granted both mine and my FIL's are actually paying for our wedding (We are very blessed and know this!), my family, while large, is arriving at a count of around 80-something people, that's guests and family friends included.  However, at last count, his father told us that he was at 304 people, and still counting!!!!

I understand that while my family is much more based on my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., his parents have only 2 siblings between them, neither with children.  In addition, none of their immediate family even live in the country.  So truthfully, much of their "family" includes family friends from their community.  However, my fiance and I are simply baffled by this number!  

We both agree that this is an outrageous number, and have told them that they need to drastically cut back!  We never wanted 500 people at our wedding, not to mention the fact that it would be both difficult and (even more) expensive to find a place that would be able to accomodate this many.  And finally, we both doubt that we know even half of the people that their wanting to invite, and feel that if we have to be introduced to our wedding guests by his parents on the actual day of, then why are they even there?