dont want children at wedding ceremony!

stephers04

our wedding ceremony is going to be very small and intimate..... only our parents and a couple of closest friends.... seperate invitations are being sent out for reception guests only..... one of our friends that we want to attend the wedding has two children...they are traveling aprox 60 miles for the wedding. The problem is my fiance and I do not want any children at the wedding  ceremony other than our own!!! how should we handle this?????

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-want-children-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:075b7c73-027b-4314-aeae-c4efbda089a8Post:9dcdfe3f-637b-4853-9e96-c4b7c15f58a2">dont want children at wedding ceremony!</a>:
[QUOTE]our wedding ceremony is going to be very small and intimate..... only our parents and a couple of closest friends.... seperate invitations are being sent out for reception guests only..... one of our friends that we want to attend the wedding has two children...they are traveling aprox 60 miles for the wedding. The problem is my fiance and I do not want any children at the wedding  ceremony!!! how should we handle this?????
Posted by stephers04[/QUOTE]

Are they staying overnight? 60 miles isn't exactly the end of the universe. 

Are there going to be kids at the reception?

6fsn

Don't put the kids' names on the invite.  If they RSVP with the kids, tell them no. 

Be prepared for them not to show because of it.

stephers04

no not staying over night and yes children are welcome at the reception!!!

stephers04

also wedding and reception are at the same location 1 1/2 hours apart!

MNNEBride

Perhaps you could arrange for or suggest a babysitter to watch those children during the ceremony? 

loveshine1

What do you expect them to do with the kids? Leave them in the car during your ceremony?

MNNEBride

Also, if these are "...a couple of our closest friends....", how could you not have thought of this before?  

DG1

either provide a sitter for the ceremony or they can get a sitter for the whole shebang and not have the kids at any of it.

Presumably you're close enough to these people to ask them to your 10-person wedding ceremony.  Just explain that you are looking forward to a child-free ceremony but would love to see the kids at the reception. Let them figure out the best logistics (which might mean not coming at all).

Also, don't you DARE make them deal with all of this crap and then have a flower girl or ring bearer or make exceptions for family or some sht. Kids are kids, and you want them at your ceremony or you don't. Period. 

6fsn

Basically you are making it a PITA for these people to attend your wedding.  That's fine if it's what you want, but be aware that it's going to take some doing for them to honor your request to be at the wedding, but not have their kid's there. 

In this case I'd call them and make arrangements.  Expaling that you want an intimate ceremony without kids, but they are welcome at the reception.  Do you have someone that can watch the kids during the ceremony? 

Pretty much these people will either be leaving their kids behind for the day or they will be skipping your ceremony.  I'd be prepared for either.

stephers04

invites not sent out yet wedding is still a year away!!!! that is why im wanting to figure it out now!!!!

stephers04

there is no wedding party at all! no brides maids no best man no flower girl and no ring bearer. only him and me up there.....

hmonkey

if you invite their kids to the reception but not the wedding, they will feel like they have only two options:  don't come at all or only come for the reception.

i know you want them at the ceremony but because you have made it inconvenient for them and their kids, you don't get to make them come to your ceremony.

MNNEBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-want-children-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:075b7c73-027b-4314-aeae-c4efbda089a8Post:9dcdfe3f-637b-4853-9e96-c4b7c15f58a2">dont want children at wedding ceremony!</a>:
[QUOTE]The problem is my fiance and I do not want any children at the wedding  ceremony <strong><u>other than our own!!!</u></strong> how should we handle this?????
Posted by stephers04[/QUOTE]

Interesting.

You can invite whomever you choose to the ceremony and reception.  However, be prepared for people to opt out if your plans are too hard for them to accommodate.

stephers04

Thank you for your input!!! I think first i will speek to the wedding coordinator and see about arrangeing for someone to watch the children during the ceremony!!!! then i will explain the situation to our friends and let them know i have already made arrangements for the children to be watched at the location during the ceremony.....

hmonkey

fine, but again -- don't be surprised if they still decline the invite.  it doesn't matter how comfortable you make it for them -- if they're not comfortable with it, they won't come.

an invite is not a subpoena. 

thatgrrrrl

"Speak." Capital letters. And the exclaimation point is not the only punctuation around.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-want-children-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:075b7c73-027b-4314-aeae-c4efbda089a8Post:23eea5d4-a629-4a44-a533-59118cf0bdc5">Re: dont want children at wedding ceremony!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your input!!! I think first i will speek to the wedding coordinator and see about arrangeing for someone to watch the children during the ceremony!!!! then i will explain the situation to our friends and let them know i have already made arrangements for the children to be watched at the location during the ceremony.....
Posted by stephers04[/QUOTE]

I don't know that I'd be comfortable leaving my children with a stranger who'd been contracted by the wedding venue.  If it's someone you can personally vouch for, then maybe. But again, don't be surprised if they opt out.

And somehow I missed the part about your own children. How old are they?

stephers04

@ loveshine1 you know i am trying to find the best solution to a situation without hurting my friends feelings or makeing it so they feel they have to attend only the reception and not the ceremony or not come at all. I feel that it is OUR wedding day and the wedding ceremony is special and should be help in the manner that we choose...... It is not a Birthday party where kid are more than welcome.. or a backyard BBQ..... no i dont expect them to leave their kids in the car! and i dont appreciate your sarcasm!!!

stephers04

My children are 15 and 17 theirs are 8 and 4

DG1

I give you full credit for trying to be as considerate as possible and make this work.

But again - I'd leave it up to them. Their options basically are:

* Leave the kids at home with a sitter or grandma for the whole thing. (Several of my friends opted for this, even though their kids were invited to both the ceremony and reception.)
* Not attend either.
* Ask you to help arrange a sitter for the ceremony
* Attend the reception only

They're grown ups. They can figure it out.  Talk to them soon - this is not worth stressing out about for a whole year.

stephers04

True.

stephers04

Thank you, I think the first thing to do is talk to the coordinator about arrangeing an area for the children to be watched. The ceremony is short and after they can re-join their parents for the reception. Then I will talk to my friend let her know the situation and see how she would like to handle it.... If she wants me to arrange a sitter on site I will or if she would like to arrange her own sitter if they are going to attend the ceremony.

6fsn

Ditto DG.

Although 8 and 4 should be more than able to sit through a wedding ceremony without any issue. 

stephers04

@ thatgrrrrl I think they get my meaning without perfect grammer and punctuation.... geeesh!

MinM

You'll find that using proper grammar and punctuation will increase other's willingness to help you with your wedding realted problems. Also, being a hot mess. But I can see all 11 of your posts have been in this thread, so even if you haven't lurked, you certainly have never posted. Lurk....it's your friend.

erin102587

We are having a fairly large wedding, but I'm requesting children not be at the wedding. We do each have a child that is a toddler (3 and 2 at the time of our April 2012 wedding) who are in the wedding, however I am making arrangements for after they process in having their usual babysitter whisk them away to our church nursery. I am in the process of setting up a nursery attendant for during the wedding so that guests can drop their children off before the 30 minute ceremony without having to pay any childcare costs. You might look into that type of option.

6fsn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-want-children-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:075b7c73-027b-4314-aeae-c4efbda089a8Post:d77a34a8-3320-455d-8f6a-17fed6696bbb">Re: dont want children at wedding ceremony!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a fairly large wedding, but I'm requesting children not be at the wedding. <strong>We do each have a child that is a toddler (3 and 2 at the time of our April 2012 wedding)</strong> who are in the wedding, however I am making arrangements for after they process in having their usual babysitter whisk them away to our church nursery. I am in the process of setting up a nursery attendant for during the wedding so that guests can drop their children off before the 30 minute ceremony without having to pay any childcare costs. You might look into that type of option.
Posted by erin102587[/QUOTE]

I have questions. 

Are they different parents?
Why wouldn't you want your kids to be part of the wedding?
Are you going to require parents to use the nursery?

kat22885

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-want-children-wedding-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:075b7c73-027b-4314-aeae-c4efbda089a8Post:ff6521ae-9848-47db-8478-1edaa511fc16">Re: dont want children at wedding ceremony!</a>:
[QUOTE]also wedding and reception are at the same location 1 1/2 hours apart!
Posted by stephers04[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm confused, how can the wedding and reception be at the same location, and be 1 and a half hours apart?</div><div>
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