Wedding Woes
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IHO weight, here's our deal.

This was too long to thunderjack that other post.

He's gained all his Nutrisystem weight back, and a bit more.
I still find him beautiful, but *he* doesn't, and that has problem potential.

He was a lot saucier, forthcoming, confident post-weight loss. He felt better on stage, was more animated, and embodied more of the "frontman swagger." And, yes, that was seriously sexy. But now...

It sucks to go clothes shopping with him, because he always leaves crestfallen. I'll do laundry, and there are clothes he can't wear. He just keeps putting those shirts into a "someday" bin in our closet. Photo shoots become dour occasions. I feel like I've run out of things to say. You're gorgeous, you're beautiful, yes, I *did*, in fact, order this pizza with extra sausage. 

This latest bit of news was the kicker:

A 300-pound friend of his got kicked out of his own band for being "fat." They told him to take a break, have him lose some weight, then check back with him. He busted his ass to lose 20 pounds, then the band decided that they were "going in a new direction" and didn't need him. This left Evan painfully aware of what he was up against in the industry.

He's gorgeous to me, and I was fine with showering him with compliments every chance I got, but now I find myself wanting to shake him and yelling at him to get off his ass and DO something about it if he's so ornery about the way he looks. I'd be willing to support him every step of the way, but we end up making plans, then breaking them just as quickly. 
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Re: IHO weight, here's our deal.

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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    :(, I'm sorry E.  Can you go to the gym and have him go with you, sort of like workout buddies?  Take up bike riding?  Buy "eat this not that" books so he can make better choices about food rather than giving it up?
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    :( I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I have no real *helpful* advice, but would he try sparkpeople, or maybe weight watchers? I know with the schedules you guys have it's not like he's got an easy lifestyle for everything he needs/wants to do, but nutrisystem, imo, isn't going to fix a problem like weight he's unhappy with.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    The band should have given that the same "hell no" that Barbra Streisand gave the suggestion of a nose job.  It makes me mad when people value success over common decency.

    Do you ever worry that since he's so critical of his own body, he must be critical of bodies, period, and secretly thinking not-so-nice things about you?  I wonder this sometimes.
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Do you ever worry that since he's so critical of his own body, he must be critical of bodies, period, and secretly thinking not-so-nice things about you?  I wonder this sometimes.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    <div>no.  critical of self =/= critical of others.  it's the carrann conundrum -- can dish out; cannot take it.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    E SquaredE Squared member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Busy, we tried joining a gym, but he was too embarrassed to work out in public. And then it became something too expensive for us to never use. He hates the treadmill, but then it gets too hot to go outside. 

    I think eating is more of the issue, since our schedules and work lead us to eat out more often than most people. It's hard not to eat when you get a band food discount, ya know?

    Food has always been something we've done to make each other happy. Unfortunately, and I've noticed this about myself, I like to give him food gifts as "just becauses." 

    I turned him on to the Livestrong app to track food, and sparkpeople, but it gets used about as much as yesterday's Nest H's toothbrush. I could be an ass about it, but I'm enough of a mom to him about household chores. He needs to get his own ambition.

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    E SquaredE Squared member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kuus, I don't worry about him not wanting me. All of my weight weirdness has been about the same industry concerns, and he's always done a great job of making it VERY clear that he enjoys my looks. 

    And he's the kind that doesn't even think to dish it because he knows how shitty it is to be the fat kid. He's been "the fat kid" all his life.
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I don't think that people dealing with this issue usually project their feelings about themselves on to other people.
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    E,

    I strongly suggest the "eat this not that" books.  They are on sale at Barnes and Nobel.  It will help him make better choices without much effort.  I bought them earlier this week to help hubby who has a terrible work schedule.
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    E SquaredE Squared member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'll check those out, Biz. Thanks! 
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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're both going through this E.  It sucks that the ndustry you both love is so appearance driven.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I am glad to hear that this doesn't usually extend to how people think about others.
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    E, get that man a Kinect.  I wore my butt sore playing those games.
    imageimage
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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think the band thing is just an excuse, but that is just crazy food person talking. 

    It's hard watching someone who you love, floundering to find a place where they are ultimately comfortable. 
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_iho-weight-heres-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:095ae825-9558-4cea-ba64-23cf5473f97cPost:29f3b76d-40e2-4030-8db7-51925e5a3d1c">Re: IHO weight, here's our deal.</a>:
    [QUOTE] He's been "the fat kid" all his life.
    Posted by E Squared[/QUOTE]
    Then why does he think he shouldn't be a fat adult?<div>
    </div><div>This is a serious question. I mean, put aside all the industry stupidity for a minute. Why is he fighting his body? </div><div>
    </div><div>Maybe the answer is to stop doing that. </div>
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