"When's the BIG Day?"

Missa21985

I have only been engaged for about a month now. We have been together for a little over 4 years.

People keep asking us, "So...when's the BIG day?" 

I feel bad for not having the date set. We have an idea on when (Next Fall). But there is a huge issue that we won't say out loud. His little brother, his only sibling, is currently serving time in jail. He has been in there for about a year, techincally he may have 3 more years to serve (if he has to serve the full time).

Jerrod, my fiance, keeps saying that we are not going to wait around on him, but I want to and I know deep down he does too, along with everyone else who knows the situation. His brother is supposed to be the best man! I feel awful about it and I don't want to pressure Jerrod into setting a date right now until we find out more about his brother. But I also don't want to wait for 3 more years. We really can't make any concrete plans about the wedding. (I don't think venues will let you move the date, do they?)

What can I do?

zizibet

Venues won't let you move the date by that much generally speaking. I think you and FI should have a talk about what you guys really want.

TheSlowskys

I wouldn't wait for him. What if he gets in trouble when he's there and doesn't get out as planned?

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_whens-the-big-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0c22bbee-3d5d-4e80-8598-aa35317ca077Post:81a62a6f-0700-428d-bfd0-0973c561681d">"When's the BIG Day?"</a>:
[QUOTE]I have only been engaged for about a month now. We have been together for a little over 4 years. People keep asking us, "So...when's the BIG day?"  <strong>I feel bad for not having the date set.</strong> We have an idea on when (Next Fall). But there is a huge issue that we won't say out loud. His little brother, his only sibling, is currently serving time in jail. He has been in there for about a year, techincally he may have 3 more years to serve (if he has to serve the full time). Jerrod, my fiance, keeps saying that we are not going to wait around on him, but I want to and I know deep down he does too, along with everyone else who knows the situation. His brother is supposed to be the best man! I feel awful about it and I don't want to pressure Jerrod into setting a date right now until we find out more about his brother. But I also don't want to wait for 3 more years. We really can't make any concrete plans about the wedding. (I don't think venues will let you move the date, do they?) What can I do?
Posted by Missa21985[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, don't feel bad! It's actually liberating to be newly engaged and not know when the wedding will be because once you tell others that you know the date, they'll expect you to know if they're invited or not (and, frankly, if you tell them the date, they'll expect that they are going).</div><div>
</div><div>While that might sound gauche, I was in the position where one of my classmates knew that I was newly engaged and mentioned this fact in front of my whole class and professor. When in that position, it's nice to just have people be excited for you rather than puzzling over whether the whole class will be invited.</div><div>
</div><div>I spent the first 4 months of my engagement not knowing what year would be The Year, then have successfully planned a wedding in about 6 months. It will all work out when you two have clarity about what is possible and what you want.</div>

Missa21985

Thank you all for the feedback! It takes the pressure off!