HELP ME!!! NEED ADVICE

saushasd

My and my fiance have been engaged for over a year now. Our wedding is next month and I couldnt be happier! The problem is his family! I got into a huge fight with his mom a few months ago and she said some really mean stuff. We finally talked but I am not over it and I dont trust her one bit. On top of that he only has one sister and I had asked her to be in the wedding. Two months before the wedding she decides to drop out of it! I was crushed as she had a year to tell me no but waited til the last minute. Then my bridal shower was last weekend and not one single one of his family members showed up!! How in the heck do I move forward without holding a grudge. I am to the point where I dont care about them or want them in my life. I love my fiance but dont understand how people can be so shady! Help me please

ReturnOfKuus

What was the fight about?

hmonkey

[QUOTE]How in the heck do I move forward without holding a grudge.
Posted by saushasd[/QUOTE]

stop depending on them or expecting them to change.  and consider the good sides: sil dropping out the wedding party means one less gift to buy.

**O-Face**

Just move on.  Head up, shoulders back and pretend.  It's not time to play grudgetown in public.

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-advice-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0e0e9df1-c6a7-42b5-935f-84a4bed42f32Post:14c93d67-6cb0-405c-9a97-e9157617d1b8">HELP ME!!! NEED ADVICE</a>:
[QUOTE]My and my fiance have been engaged for over a year now. Our wedding is next month and I couldnt be happier! The problem is his family! I got into a huge fight with his mom a few months ago and she said some really mean stuff. We finally talked but I am not over it and I dont trust her one bit. On top of that he only has one sister and I had asked her to be in the wedding. Two months before the wedding she decides to drop out of it! I was crushed as she had a year to tell me no but waited til the last minute. Then my bridal shower was last weekend and not one single one of his family members showed up!! How in the heck do I move forward without holding a grudge.<strong> I am to the point where I dont care about them or want them in my life.</strong> I love my fiance but dont understand how people can be so shady! Help me please
Posted by saushasd[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>So don't have them in your life. Don't interfere with your husband's relationship with them, but don't feel obligated to pursue a relationship yourself. It's not necessary. They don't have to be your family simply because you married their relative. 

</div>

MinM

I would stop holding any expectations for them. I would also stop inviting them to parties, etc. If you don't want them in your life, that should be no problem. But, as BMom said, don't interfer with your FI's relationship with them. Let the past go and move on.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-advice-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0e0e9df1-c6a7-42b5-935f-84a4bed42f32Post:60097607-3b3a-4ca0-b409-ddee860a9fba">Re: HELP ME!!! NEED ADVICE</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to HELP ME!!! NEED ADVICE : So don't have them in your life. Don't interfere with your husband's relationship with them, but don't feel obligated to pursue a relationship yourself. It's not necessary. They don't have to be your family simply because you married their relative. 
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

This exactly.  Had to do this with my xILs.  xH could see them whenever he wanted, but I didn't go every single time.  I would put in an appearance every now and again, but on my terms.

scottswife1106

Don't hold a grudge and move on. You give them power by holding the grudge because they have moved on and you are holding onto the anger.