Post 1:
PICS : (+) HPT/Doc PT / (-) Blood Serum / (+) Ultrasound?
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I was so happy the past few days when I was FINALLY getting faint HPTs and a Faint HPT at the doctors office. I am 5 days late. My last period was July 12, 2010 I should be 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow (but during the ultrasound my Midwife said that I could be earlier than that). My doctor did a urine test (because I was getting faint positives at home), their test came back positive. They did an ultrasound and this is a picture of my ultrasound.
http://i872.photobucket.com/albums/ab287/ChaddandLauren/The%20Baby/404d60b8.jpghttp://i872.photobucket.com/albums/ab287/ChaddandLauren/The%20Baby/75e638ea.jpgThen I took blood before I left and I got a call this morning that my Quantitative blood test was (-)... She said I wasn't pregnant and there was nothing on the ultrasound (after I have a picture of it and she even said yesterday that that was the baby!). I don't understand whats happening and I'm so devastated right now. After seeing the ultrasound and having the (+) HPT's... What's happening? Why is my blood not showing hCG?
The girl that took my blood seemed like she was a total space cadet. Did the lab mess up? Did the girl label my blood wrong? I'm so afraid- because I know that I'm pregnant, that I'm going to miscarry... I just. I'm so confused and sad, and waiting this next two weeks is going to be total torture to me.
I just want my life back... Baby or not... I want this baby, but I cant keep living like this. Sick with no excuse to be sick, no proven reason why my hair is falling out, my face is oily and breaking out, cant eat sometimes, then sometimes I cant stop eating, I'm throwing up. The headaches are getting worse, I'm dizzy, Cant sleep at night, want to sleep all day, Sore gums and mouth sores close to my wisdom teeth, Weird crampy, twingy, weird feelings, lower back pain... and many more. You name the symptom- I've been having it about 3 DPO.... I had light implantation bleeding (I know it was implantation because I still felt bad after the bleeding stopped. Like I still was crampy and bloated and tired and nauseated...)
I'm just... I need help so I can make it through this next 2 week wait.. I'm so tired of not having a clue and everyone brushing me off at the first sign of a negative blood test when everything else is positive. There is no chance for any false positive unless I picked up 3 different brands of bad tests and the docs test was faulty too...
Please help me... I'm so sad. I want this baby more than anything. Is this test a sign I'm going to lose my baby?
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Post #2:
This is a long one, but... I promise I find it slightly entertaining and I hope you will too. I'm also going to be a little more specific. I feel like I'm not being clear about my implantation bleeding and dpos and all that other mess. I'm just going to give you a break down, and a few words of appreciation.
First off, you ladies are amazing. I feel so much better just by talking to you all. At this time of uncertainty and how devistated I was? Just hearing different possibilities and the fact that this may or may not be the end, gives me certainty and peace.
I've never been pregnant before. I have had baby fever and I've definitley focused on pregnancy symptoms enough to make myself start having them. But I've never tested positive on any sort of test when I did those things. Furthermore, I dont fit the M.O. for having an emotional/unexplained pregnancy by obsessing or having a history of miscarrying (although this may be my very first one). My first week of symptoms that I said started happening 3 DPO? I passed those off as my normal anxiety problems... every other symptom occurring for the next week? I brushed it off as the weather being way too hot and humid for me and I was exhausted from all the traveling DH and I did. It wasn't until 08/05/10 when I started really worrying and the symptoms were more blatant.
To EACH ONE OF YOU that have been so helpful, despite whether your answer is something I want to hear? I respect you for reaching out to help me. And I hope that we can become friends on here. If this is the end of this pregnancy in the near future or if this pregnancy continues, I want to have a support system of other mamas that I can turn to in times like these. I know I don't have to offer much in advice and support because I'm early and I've never done this before (although I can quote you some stuff from What to Expect!) I definitely want to be a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to you. (I do have this above average google skill, I can cross-reference like a mad lady- so if you need something- I'm sure I can find your answer for you- hell, thats how I've gotten through this whole 5 week roller coaster... Well, make that 3 weeks.)
You and me both are definitley confused. I had two days of light bleeding 6 days BEFORE AF was supposed to be. I dont think you're being rude at all... and you're right... NONE of this makes ANY sense WHATSOEVER... Again, the girl doing my blood test didn't even look at my face when I talked to her. She had her eye on the vein. She seemed out of sorts, like maybe she was having a bad day. Just a low depressed tone and slumpy demeanor. Its possible that she may have labeled something wrong (which I understand people can do when they have bad days, but if my blood test was switched- I kinda want my money back since I was self pay! lol). I cant give up hope just yet and I know with several differing answers that I still have chances whether those chances are good or bad ones.
Went to Family Practice AF ETA 2 days- NP was rude, nurse was rude. Something about me being young and PG... Y'know small towns... (-) PG Urine test. Refused to do an exam or blood tests because (a blood test isn't going to show until 5 weeks anyway- she said) All my symptoms she assured me were my UTI (which I was symptomless from - other than frequent urination) I took those antibiotics as prescribed and my morning sickness and dizziness and back pain and headaches and hair loss and everything else? Still happening.
Dreams about groping William Shatner VERY inappropriately after making out with him.... after I told him I was pregnant and I was going to buy that star trek onesie for my kid I saw on the internet- (Yes... I'm also a nerd) but... I'd never grope or make out with William Shatner... at least now... Maybe back in the day I would have... but he definitely wasn't "Back in the Day" Shatner in this dream... Although if he did his rendition of Rocket Man for me he may sway my decision... Because I find that ridiculously entertaining. LOL.
7 Days of dreams about babies... Last two days of those dreams were about positive tests. Very vivid and weird.
The last few days, very vivid dreams. The general consensus is that I'm having trouble walking and breathing. No babies in this dream but they are mentioned in one of them.
AF ETA? (-3 days) Positive urine tests for 2 days (2 (+) Answer Lab Strips Early Result) (1 (+) First Response Early Result, very faint - HPT's) Scheduled Transvaginal and blood and urine test with another OBGYN in Griffin, GA.
Positive urine test @ doc 8/17/10 - MAJOR YAY, it was mid day so I was shocked it turned slightly positive.
Pap Smear (it was time for it)
Transvaginal Ultrasound (unnnnncomfortable!)- They found the gestational sac and took pictures for me. They said to come back Thursday for blood work (which despite the news to follow I am still going to have done) and another ultrasound next week to see how far along I was. She was almost completely sure it wasn't ectopic but it was still too small to tell. She said if I had massive bleeding or intense pain, to call or go to the ER.
8/18/10- Woke up to my RN Midwife saying I'm not pregnant and the gestational sac could have been my lining opening up for my period to start. (Someone inform me where AF is at, cause, she hasn't called to let me know she'll be here- she is M.I.A.- No knocking on my uterus to let me know my gifts coming... (i.e. NO all over uterine cramping or inflammation (my cramps are mostly on the right uterine wall not all over... very very very mild... Sometimes when period cramps happen, you have the feeling of having to... y'know... "go"? None of those... Still throwing up, still having headaches (this morning was terrible). My digestive system is slowed down... I don't want to go into any more specifics, but its not fun and only adding to my bloatation device for a tummy.
I've got MORE first responses early results... rated #1 in consumer reports detecting as low as 16miu's... (I got a faint line on that yesterday before the appointment) (they seem to give me better results than ANYTHING- the digi-tests don't like me very much)
So what I dont get... is why my tinkle said one thing and my blood says another thing within 30 minutes of each other. And why do I have a gestational sac if I'm 100% not preggo? I understand there may not be an embryo... But even when there is no embryo the lady's producing the hormone. Chemical pregnancy? This could very well be, however I've been peeing on a stick 7 days before my missed period up until 3 days after. I didn't get anything faint until 3 days after AF's ETA. I can go ahead and assume that I just have very low levels of hCG. What to expect said low levels aren't much to worry about, but if its not in my blood? Then- Houston, there is a problem there. Generally from what I've researched on Chem PG's is that the hormone starts out very normal, shows up early, douubles like its supposed to... then takes a huge drop. Thats why I think my hCG hasn't been acting right since... we'll... since I got knocked up. So I doubt this is chemical, but I'm not crossing it off the list.
Also, did anyone get any sort of anything on whether hCG for weight loss can affect a later pregnancy? Its not FDA approved for weightloss and I knew that. I worked in the clinic where we did phentermine and hCG... I didn't take the phentermine but I did do b-12 lipotropics (1/week) and hCG injections (1/day). It works for a 1lb a day. I lost 5 lbs in 5 days... Not even trying to diet to the 500 recommended calories (500 calories, are you KIDDING me?)
I guess the reason this situation is so sad is that yesterday was my DH and my anniversary (we didn't plan it out to get an answer because of our anniversary. I was tired of waiting and it just happened to be that day). We thought it was the greatest anniversary present in the world when they said I was pregnant and started interviewing us (well he was using skype, because he was in Iraq and all). Only to wake up to my Midwife saying- there wasn't anything on the ultrasound (despite the picture) I'll try to html it into this post if I can. Otherwise double click the link and right click to go to the link if you cant see the links up on the top of the page.
My little tummy is also bloated and preggo looking. Its not fat- at all. My booty and my thighs and arms are the same size, face is a little puffy and my belly protrudes right underneath the bellybutton and swoops back in to flatten along my pubic bone. I'm a size 4 (in my britches- yes, from the South)... so growing this huge (Especially at night time) is unreal. If I am 100% not pregnant... why am I getting an Ethiopian belly!? I know its not a baby making me fat... Its the bloat and hormones, but JEEBUS... If this kid is real and its healthy and things are just mixed up right now? This baby's GROUNDED as soon as it comes out... No TV for a WHOLE week. :-P
Look. I know I'm Preggo... Whether this little tad-pole lasts? I know my body, you know? We ladies know when something is up with us... The headaches, the hormones surging, the positive urine tests, the drooling on myself (I thought the What To Expect Book was RIDICULOUSLY off on that one- I'd never drool on my self... The other night? I bent over to pick something up off the ground... There it was... How embarrassing. Nobody was around- so I guess it was okay.) The cramping, The back pain, My hair loss (handfulls in the shower and when I take my hair down from a pony tail), My itchy alligator skin, my oily face, leaning forward to empty my bladder all the way (didn't believe it worked either till I tried it!- LOL) Bleeding gums, tooth aches, Migraines seem to be getting more frequent (this morning I felt like a tractor trailor ran over my head). Yes I do believe that I'm five weeks along now- which explains why some of you actually thought that my little nugget looked small. 
He starts getting his flippers and eye dots this week though- if he's going to be okay y'know?) Not being able to get through a grocery store (the meat and deli were AWFUL) I'm craving massive amounts cantaloupe and tacos... Or a taco full of cantaloupes dipped in chocolate (DH got a kick out of that).
Haha... My insomnia when I want to sleep, when I can't or am not supposed to sleep thats all I want to do! I know Ambien is a class C for pregnancy, but if I don't sleep... not to sound like the incredible hulk... but "You wouldn't like me when I'm [sleepy]." The headaches are definitley the worst part, and the constant achiness... The throwing up? I upchucked a lot last night...
I know this has nothing to do with hCG, more with progesterone and estrogen (both of which I am EXTREMELY sensitive to. So much so that I cant even take low dose hormone birth control without my sex drive being ax murdered and a LOT of nausea and headaches)- thats why I think my symptoms starting at 3 DP(suspected)O isn't too much of a stretch.
Now, considering my DH (not my "Dear Husband", he's my boyfriend soon to be fiancé so I'll call him Deliciously Handsome, Designated Hitter, Department Head, Deployed Honey, Direct Hitter (since he acquired the target on the first unprotected escapade) or ... or... I'm sure I can think of some other fun ones if I have enough time.- Hehe.) My Soldier came home from Iraq for his two week leave on 07/20/10 and I promise you we were NOT playing Chinese checkers (unless thats what they're calling it these days) the whole time... We were quite... Busy... think more along the lines of a pair of Rabits (with a larger libido)
All times of the day, every day, multiple times a day, always unprotected up until his departure on 08/04/10. If I did not conceive on our trip to the lake? That gets me out of my mom's constant demand to name the baby Sinclair (the name of the lake we got a cabin at for the weekend) Sweetwater (an Atlanta brewery that makes my favorite beer called Sweetwater 420 (which is our baby's proposed due date) Allen (My DH's Last name)... Sinclair Sweetwater Allen... heh...
It was a joke- a FUNNY joke... but if I conceived after the Sinclair trip- that would at least make the name invalid and same me some trouble from Grandma. She thinks its uber hippie and awesome. I think its uber, my kid will get the crap kicked out of him on the playground.... LOL... He will only reach supreme coolness until his friends start drinking and discover this delicious beer... But thats 21 (maybe less cause you know kids these days) years of playground trama only to be wiped away in the later years... it can scar a kid, y'know? :-D
You know, talking to you ladies has really helped me. I know for a fact that there is a baby in there. I honestly know it. Even if its a chemical pregnancy and I loose this child (and I very well may), somehow the other day I laid in bed and just felt this strange connection to my unborn child (even before any positive HPT's). I know that many mothers say they have a hard time boding or even believing something is inside of them for a while. Some mothers even sadly have the trouble of feeling love for that child until it's born. Some postpartum sufferers still cant feel such a thing.
But I laid in bed (TRYING to sleep), and I felt the twinges and the pain, and somehow I felt this connection. It was strange and unimagined. It was out of the blue and weird. I just felt like I was laying in bed alone, but- I wasn't alone... and there was something inside me, that wasn't me... but I felt connected to it... And it gave me this warm comforting feeling- It was such a happy moment. And if this baby goes to term or I lose it... Atleast I will have had such an early moment that I felt him... And I felt that connection.... I'd rather have that than to lose him and never feel a connection at all...
So all in all, I feel much better... I wont feel so hot if I miscarry but... I definitely don't feel so scared and helpless right now. If I have to wait and I get my bundle of joy and everything is fine in the end? How could I say waiting just a little while longer wont be worth it.
I'm not sure if you are into the whole "I just feel it in my instinct, I know I am, I know my body, I am pregnant." Stuff... but... I cant explain how I know. I just know... A month ago? If you asked me if I wanted a kid? I would have said pass the rubbers please... but now... its so different. Thank you again, ladies. For all your responses.