Wedding Woes

Wedding Party Drop Out

So my "best friend" of 17 years was supposed to be my MOH. We have been having our issues lately, but nothing to this point, or so I thought. I had the feeling she didn't want to be involved anymore, so I asked her flat out: Do you want to be my MOH still? She told me no. I am so heart broken. This is almost as bad as the groom not showing up to me. She has always been there for me. Just today I asked if she wanted to be there period. She still hasn't answered me. I don't know what to do. I feel like...like...deflated. She was the one person I always thought I could depend on. My fiance doesn't seem to understand. He thinks we will "just make up". This is worse than any argument we've ever had. She says we "grew apart". I don't feel that way. What's even more depressing is, she was the ONLY person in my entire wedding party. I don't have many friends. I have always been socially awkward. The people I do socialize with, aren't people I would want in my wedding. My elder sister has pretty much disowned the family, and my younger has no interest in being in the party at all.

I haven't done any planning because the more I think of it, the more depressed I get. I love my fiance and I want to be happy for him, but it so hard when everyone you thought would always be there, left. I just really need a friend.
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Re: Wedding Party Drop Out

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Just today I asked if she wanted to be there period. She still hasn't answered me.
    Posted by MissSkitty[/QUOTE]

    please stop asking her.  just leave her alone and let her decide what she wants to do.

    you don't need a bridal party or a moh; just as long as you can support yourself (i mean emotionally, not financially).

    btw, what does this mean?
    [QUOTE]The people I do socialize with, aren't people I would want in my wedding.[/QUOTE]
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  • edited December 2011
    Something similar happened to me before I graduated. The person who I thought was my BFF and I had a huge fight, and she said we grew apart. My graduation day came and went without her. A few months later, she contacted me on my birthday.

    By then, I realized that she was, indeed, a toxic person and I didn't want her in my life.

    This isn't to say you will decided you don't want her in your life or wedding, but give it some time. Put planning on hold. Try to relax and give your friend all the time she needs. If you keep peppering her with questions, she may end up just pushing you away.
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  • twilight.rosetwilight.rose member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Aww....I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    I can't imagine how hard it must be, but try to pick yourself up and focus on something positive. Is there an interest or hobby you have that could lead to meeting some new people and developing new friendships? A book club, a local women's group, or some other organization, perhaps?

    Again, so sorry that this happened to you! Maybe your fiance is right, and things will eventually work out with your friend. Give her time to cool off and re-group, and focus on yourself right now. You never know what tomorrow will bring, and perhaps someday the two of you can talk about what went wrong/how to rebuild your relationship. Best of luck with everything!
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  • MissSkittyMissSkitty member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @hmonkey: I aksed her because she seems distant and I really need to know. She said she wants an invitation and "as of right now she would like to come, but she won't know until that time". As to the socializing thing, the people I talk to now are people I just met recently and are people I only know from work. I don't have any close friends.

    @MinM: I know I shouldn't ask her..I just wish..I wish I had her to plan and do the "girly" thing with. I guess some of it stems from me being jealous of her always hanging out with this girl I dislike a lot. I feel replaced.

    @twlight.rose: Thank you. I was going to write her a lettter but I don't think it will do any good.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    missskitty, for realz.  just send her the invite and just let her rsvp like any other guest.  if you keep asking her, she will feel disinclined to come because you are putting all this pressure on her.

    please stop comparing yourself to someone you dislike.  if she is hanging out with someone you dislike, maybe you and she have truly grown apart.

    as for the letter -- what do you feel you could say that could make her change her mind?  and if she doesn't respond in exactly the way you want her to, then what?  and is there anything she could say that could make this totally right for you?  no?  then do not waste your time and energy writing a letter or anything else.

    i understand you don't want to wash your hands of a friendship of 17 years but -- was she your friend for 17 years?  were you her friend too?  or did all of this happen 17 years ago, and it's just become habit?
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  • edited December 2011

    I'm going to have to agree with everything hmonkey said.

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  • LindsayB2217LindsayB2217 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Back when i was in college my best friend and I had a fight about something completely stupid that neither of us even remember... He stopped talking to me and no matter how hard I tried to make contact he wouldn't budge... One day about 4 months ago after close to 3 years of not talking he sent me an e-mail apologizing for everything... now we're best friends again and it's as if nothing ever changed... 

    If things are meant to be they will be. By me asking him what was going on he pulled further and further away so I say send her an invite, if she's smart she won't want to miss one of the biggest days in your life. Just be glad that this didn't happen right after your wedding completely ruining the memories of you MOH like happened to my sister. 

    Good luck with everything, I know how important friends are!
  • MissSkittyMissSkitty member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @hmonkey: She & I were best friends. We did everything together. It's just hard. I'm not trying to make her do anything....I just...miss her. She was practically my sister.

    @LindsayB2217: Ironically, we fought when we were in middle school (LOL). Didn't talk for a year. We enter high school, and it was like we never parted. This just feels different than a regular fight. And we didn't even FIGHT. So all in all, I don't know what happened.

    We were texting back and forth for a little bit today. I told her that I don't want to pressure her with wedding stuff so I won't bring it up anymore. I really just want to mend our friendship. I hope it all pans out. At this point I don't care if she's my MOH, I just want her in my life....it sounds like I am marrying her! LOL
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  • LindsayB2217LindsayB2217 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Friends are majorly important to us... I understand, but give her time... is there anything going on in her life that maybe is impacting her? R u getting married before her? is she in a relationship that might be going south? 
  • MissSkittyMissSkitty member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    @LindsayB2217: She said she is having some issues and isn't being 'friendly with anyone'. I told her I was here for her if she needed to talk, she didn't want to so I dropped it. As for the getting married before her, she doesn't care about that. Her other friend got married already and she was all kinds of giddy.

    Btw, thank you everyone for your help.
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  • LindsayB2217LindsayB2217 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, but if you two are best friends it might be hitting her harder than her other friend. Esp if she's going through something. I know I have a friend who wants to be in my wedding but has been treating me like crap because she's older than me and her and her boyfriend have been dating 2 years longer than my fiancé and I have... People react weirdly to different things. I hope you get everything figured out. Give her space... maybe its the first boyfriend best friend scenario all over again where she's afraid she'll be left alone or something like that. Just let her know you're there for her, send her an invite and leave her be. I hope this helps!
  • beangeebeangee member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    MissSkitty - it is probably for the better that she dropped out as your MOH now rather than later. Trust me. I just went through a lot of turmoil and drama with my MOH over the past year. With 9 days to go till my wedding day, she adds to my stress and creates more drama. It is better to not have your friend as a MOH. She will just cause you more undue stress. Focus on other aspects of your wedding that needs planning. The girls here on www.theknot.com offer great advice and are very supportive.  You don't need a MOH for your wedding to go on! Its about you and your fiance, and the family and friends that DO care about you two!

    Good luck with the wedding planning!

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