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well, i just wasted 15 minutes reading this on TIP

Re: well, i just wasted 15 minutes reading this on TIP

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    Oh yeah, that was a lot of rambling.  For those of you who didn't want to read the whole thing, here's a summary:

    Man and woman meet, date, and on Valentine's Day he makes a big fuss and does stuff for her.  Then they go through what she calls "a rough patch" and he does nothing for the next VDay, she gets upset because she still made a fuss over him, and he promises to do better the next year.  They get engaged, she reminds him that VDay is coming, and bakes him stuff and goes through a lot of effort, and he not only does nothing for her, but he comes home from work gloating with all kinds of VDay gifts from his students, and on top of everything only bothers to heat up leftovers for himself rather than both of them.  She cries for hours and hours, and he finally half-asses trying to make it up to her.
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    yeah, he sounds like an ass.
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    the kuus version seems to sympathize with the OP. i happen to think she is whiney and has crazy expectations and too much time on her hands. she's also making the wedding invites by hand and he is helping her, so to me he's there for the right things. she also retyped word-for-word the letter he wrote to her, which is also long winded. she sounds like a nut.

    my version is more along the lines of, this chick gets fussed over for her first Vday with the guy she had been dating for a couple of months. next Vday, he does nothing. third Vday, he does nothing again even after she stayed up until 3am making him personalized brownies.

    she claims that she isn't materialistic, but then gets upset that nothing was delivered to her on Vday?
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    It wasn't so much that he did nothing, as that he did nothing after being reminded that it was important to her, and then rubbed her face in everything he got as gifts.  And then couldn't even heat her up some damn leftovers.

    I don't see much to sympathize with him, honestly.  Sure, she's long-winded and melodramatic, but he's clearly not into her at all, and is being an ass and a half so that she'll do the dirty work of cancelling the wedding.
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    yeah, she is causing a lot of her own problems/stress, and creating unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, her H could have at least bought her a card or picked up dinner for her.
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    And he didn't write the letter until after all that jackassery.  How hard is it, honestly, to take a few minutes to get a card or something for someone, when you've been reminded and know it's important to her?  Hell, he could have given her the heart-shaped box of chocolates that his student gave him and pretended he bought them, instead of being all "look what I got!"
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_well-i-just-wasted-15-minutes-reading-this-on-tip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:13225511-f5e2-4bbf-b024-54542820a894Post:c02ef6ca-662c-422e-aebc-bca7c0d7151f">Re: well, i just wasted 15 minutes reading this on TIP</a>:
    [QUOTE]yeah, she is causing a lot of her own problems/stress, and creating unrealistic expectations, but at the same time, her H could have at least bought her a card or picked up dinner for her.
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    I don't see how it's an unrealistic expectation to think that after knowing that it's important to you, your SO will make about the same amount of effort that he did the first time.  Clearly he knows how.
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    i just don't think a card or box of chocolates would have pleased her after the 17 oragami hearts he created for her for their first valentine's day. i'm hoping she isn't this melodramatic for all the other holidays or her birthday, which i think more fuss should be made over (but that's my opinion).
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    Perhaps not, but an aggressive nothing doesn't speak well for his character.
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    i think it would speak worse on his character if she complained that he did nothing for her the rest of the year and only went out of his way to profess his love on valentine's day.
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    Do you really think that guy is terrific and loving 364 days a year and magically turns into a huge assh*le once a year, werewolf style?  If so, I have a bridge to sell you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_well-i-just-wasted-15-minutes-reading-this-on-tip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:13225511-f5e2-4bbf-b024-54542820a894Post:acccd7d3-68c4-40a7-8f2a-d23d6b8b55ad">Re: well, i just wasted 15 minutes reading this on TIP</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Do you really think that guy is terrific and loving 364 days a year and magically turns into a huge assh*le once a year, werewolf style?</strong>  If so, I have a bridge to sell you.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    that's what i meant about unrealistic expectations - she is expecting <strong>anything</strong> from a guy who is an ass. if he doesn't do anything "romantic" the rest of the year, why expect anything on v-day? even with harassing him beforehand?

    (and really, how meaningful is a gift in response to constant harassment?)
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    We're all in agreement that she should trade him in for at least the blue book value, then?
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    well, then i guess they are both wrong. she is wrong for expecting him to care about a nothing holiday, and he is wrong for making her believe he give a rat's behind about this fake holiday.

    i don't think it makes him a huge ahole, though. i think it makes her an ahole for expecting him to either spend crazy money for a flower delivery on Vday, or that she wants him to spend man hours worjing on a homemade project to prove he loves her (because, you know, proposing, helping with hand made invites, and actually wanting to be ties to this lunatic for life isn't enough in her eyes).

    romance does not always have to be flowers and cards that say I love you. making someone tea when they have a sore throat is romance to me.
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    I call the tea thing just basic caring, one of those bare minimum acceptable standards in a mate.

    You seriously don't think it was a d*ck move to show her everything he got from everyone else, and then heat up leftovers for just himself?
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    hmm, it depends on what his motivatiion was. i want to know if he understands how important Vday is to her and if she ever really used her words to express the level of effort she expects out of him. i guess she has told him it's her most important day of the year or however she sees the day, but i always think that  ladies like this don;t always use their words.

    i'm probably wrong for thinking that way, so who knows.

    but if he did it ecause he doesn't care about the day, and just wanted to shut her up when he was telling her he was making plans, sure. total douche move.

    AND if he is that kind of a douche, then i still think she;s an idiot for using Vday as his day of redemption.
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    She said in her 350gazillion word post that she told him last year with her words, and reminded him this year.  Whether that's true or not, it's hard to say.
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    Maybe it is like me and BFF on her birthday.  I will not go near her birthday with a 10 foot pole.  I send a card, but that is it.  Every damn year she starts obsessing about birthday plans about 3 months out.  There is absolutely no way that anyone can win on her birthday.  Nothing is ever good enough and she gets mad at EVERYONE.  She is relatively pleasant the other 364 days of the year and I would gladly party with her on any of those days. 

    But when expectations are nothing short of the heavens opening and Jesus popping out of your cake and/or VD cupcake (giggles), why bother trying?
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_well-i-just-wasted-15-minutes-reading-this-on-tip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:13225511-f5e2-4bbf-b024-54542820a894Post:d53ac636-eb44-46a9-b87c-2b26fc2fe6e3">Re: well, i just wasted 15 minutes reading this on TIP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: well, i just wasted 15 minutes reading this on TIP : I don't see how it's an unrealistic expectation to think that after knowing that it's important to you, your SO will make about the same amount of effort that he did the first time.  Clearly he knows how.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
    Eh. It took almost a decade for H to get that I want him to take Mothers' Day and Easter and Christmas off so we can do family stuff. After 30 years of never doing anything on those holidays, retraining takes a while. 
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