Wedding Woes

Wrong to exclude 'family'????

Hi people
Don't usually do boards or chats but see anyone can post..hope you don't mind if I 'vent' cuz I'm pissed right now?
Been dating an extreme introvert going on 4 yrs now, who decide to get hitched next yr (his idea), told me to shop for my rings this past summer so I would be happy with rings & he'd pay for everything in wedding except my gown. We both agreed nothing over top, no big crowd for 'free food, drunks or overly expensive venue' as we don't see need to spend thousands on folks we don't even know. I was planning a ceremony that would include my mom because she sacrificed a lot for me...or so I thought.
To make story short, moms fell, temporarily paralyzed, now in nursing home + I'm 'baby' of family who has ALWAYS been the only one who's taken care of her all my life alone. Since I got 'engaged' moms has been saying a lot of hurtful things: about not wearing tight fitting gown cuz she never 'accepted' my huge weight loss (6yrs ago), not really wanting me to be happy as this will be my second marriage because she will be alone, what kind of expensive food SHE wants at reception, what kind of MOB attire she wants, etc. Because she's got medical needs we decided best she lives with us after we married (fiance says house big enough) which she came up with all kinds of excuses not to move before she fell.
Due to the stress of her ordeal, taking care of my disabled son + my own health issues, I've now discovered that my hunch was right that mom was faking some of her pain/injury!! Then my deep, hurtful childhood memories all came flooding back that clicked my mom 'used' me as a pawn all my life...she only wanted to get my siblings attention & sympathy whenever she got sick because they were NEVER there for her! Yet she was never satisfied no matter how MUCH I sacrificed to do for her that now when I question her why I'm treated different she changes subject to deny the truth or says I'm blowing things out of proportion! To make things worse fiancé now not actually speaking (texts), says still wants marriage, to concentrate on my health first, get moms situated (I DONT want her to live with us now..PERIOD) & tell siblings time to step up to plate to help moms!
Am I 'wrong' for now wanting NONE of my family at my ceremony just my close friends, have our service taped & just have a reception some place where my family can only watch our nuptials on tv instead? I 'lost' my mom the day I found out the screwed up controlling game she played the past 50yrs of my life that it's now changed that 'mother/daughter close bond' we had!
Deeply hurt, sad, angry, confused, alone & counseling

Re: Wrong to exclude 'family'????

  • Options
    You need to separate the 2 for now.  I know that'll be a bit hard b/c of venue space, but for now I'd act like you're inviting them to get a venue and count them OR put off the wedding for a bit to get your family situation taken care of.

    Also, it's a little perturbing that FI has left you out in the dust to basically twist in the wind.  This is going to be part of his life now too and he's suppose to support you, not give you list of things to do and stay out until you're done.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards