Washington-Seattle

annoyed, am i reading too much into this??

On FB my status read: sarack just finished a project that I'm really proud of. Fam & Friends, keep those rsvps comin! (I think most of you have replied by now :))

Then one of FI's old friends asked when the big day was and told us congradulations.
I responded with the date and thank you.
Then my grandma's exhusband who I know as grandpa says "How many years have you two been going together and what prompted you to get married now?"

That response really bugs me. First off, he wrote on my FB a while ago when he received our invitation that July is a long time from now so he needs to check his schedule. He has always been so kind that I just can't imagine this.. I haven't seen him in a while so maybe he is just getting old and mean. I don't know.. If you don't wanna come to our wedding, reply that you DON"T WANT TO EFFING COME!

UGH! I read the response to FI and asked what I should say back and he said I didn't need to respond to that. I did anyway. UGH!

Am I reading too much into the couple of comments he's left me lately?
BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker we're having twins!

Re: annoyed, am i reading too much into this??

  • edited December 2011
    Maybe he's seriously asking because he can't remember how long it's been and maybe by saying "What prompted you to get married now" he really is trying to ask what took you so long?  I'm just trying to look at the comment from a different perspective.  It could very well be that due to the internet, you're unable to get the little body language/tones/hints that might change the meaning of the comment.  Add to it the fact that he's of an older generation, a lot of them don't understand that they need to adjust the way they word things when posting/emailing, etc.  In short, I would try to not let it get to me.  I know, easier said than done, but if it's really bugging you, maybe give him a call and chat in person?
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  • amandaswamandasw member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    well, I have grandparents who use email etc, which in my opinion is a semi-rare thing (for grandparents in the 60+ range to use some of this newer technology)... which I think causes some problems like this.  My grandparents will type things that they don't realize come out different over email, like using ALL CAPS IS LIKE YELLING AT YOU, even if there's no "!" and that if you forward a chain letter, it is as if you wrote it yourself, so don't send it unless you agree with it (we've had problems with this one, some 'pro-american' - ie racist - things he gets from his side of the family, long story)

    Anyway, I just thought I'd put in my two cents that somehow I've noticed my grandparents won't get that there are different 'manners' online and that things sound different, so I try to read things as optimistically ask possible since I know who they are in person :)
  • jennuinnejennuinne member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp, even its written and its from your grandpa, I would wonder if something got lost in translation.  Also, sometimes older people say things w/o thinking that we might find offensive, but they didn't mean it that way.  I can see how it could offend you, but that might not have been his intention. 
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  • Alo822Alo822 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry, sarack! We've gotten a couple strange or mildly offensive comments on FB or on the RSVP card, and I know that it can really hurt, especially from a family member. I think the stress of wedding planning makes us all more sensitive to them, too. 

    That said, my grandpa has dementia, and while he's still functional (and coming to the wedding, yay!), the first thing to go was his social skills. He became very focused on himself and literally unable to understand why some of the mean things he said were offensive. I'm not saying that that's what's going on in your case, but I just want to reassure you that he might just be asking out of curiosity (without knowing that it's hurtful). Also, ditto PP on older generations and computers/email/facebook. :)
    Alison & Rob 6.5.10 Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe he meant why now- as in since we are in a recession? I wouldn't read more into it than that. Like all of the PP said, I think a lot either got lost in translation or is a memory thing since you haven't seen him in awhile.

    Hope it's water under the bridge now...
    debi & jason 05.01.2010

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