Her MANIFESTO!
Things I would do if I were the Knot Goddess:
(Updated over time because, you know, I have a REAL life, not one that I fabricated on the knot boards.)
1. I would systematically clean out NEY and WW, one knottie at a time. Why, do you ask? So that I could deposit their self-righteous, ignorant asses into their own special forum called, "In Which We Are Worthless Human Beings." I would own this forum. They would fit in nicely. And they could bitch and whine and moan to their little black hearts' content.
2. Quickly following this, I would allow only the happy BeeBee's to post. Oh yes. I would. And I would make sure that every single one of the posts they were allowed would be filled with RIBBON WANDS and GLITTER, and PERSONALIZED TOILET PAPER. A mere month or two of this would certainly help me weed out the knotties that suck that I missed in the first pass. And confetti would rain from the heavens.
3. The next step would be to find the last stragglers that I somehow missed that do not frequent the NEY and WW boards. Oh, you know these ladies. The ones that stick to the local/monthly boards, long after their welcome has expired and with enough bitterness coating that chip on their shoulder to drown New York City. The lovely ladies that feel the need to belittle and bemoan those with lives so much less perfect than their own, when in fact they live in a hole-in-the-wall apartment with their drunkard husband that claims to be a "musician" or a "soldier" but is in fact actually out of town as much as possible just to avoid their cynical wife. Which makes you wonder why they bothered getting married this these women in the first place, but then you realize that their holier-than-thou attitude is just a front used on the knottie boards in an effort to seem cool. And in the real world, they are meek, pathetic little toerags that whimper and wince at their husband's every whim. THOSE LADIES. Yes....I would be sure to make their banning an especially pleasant one, so that they still feel like they are "cool" as the door hits them on the arse and they cry behind their monitors.
4. And now comes the true "elite" boards. Oh I am sure you ladies remember the elite boards, the ones that we never actually SAW but supposedly EXISTED just out of range of our anxiously-typing fingertips. The boards that were pushed in our faces every time an argument came up in NEY so that you knew, without a doubt, that you were talking to the ELITE BITCHES. Those with perfect weddings that cost as much as a down payment on a house and yet still ultimately ended in a rapid divorce as the husband realized what sort of CRAP-LACED DRAMA they had married into. Who could forget those little nuggets of joy? Yes, theknot would truly become the elite boards, full of ladies that answered questions asked by those too naive to know any better, that were helpful, that were happy enough with their lives that they did not feel the need to turn every post of a "newb" into a rampaging bitch-fest. The ladies that were married to men that actually loved them because, SURPRISE, the ladies were not faking a pleasant personality to snag a husband. Who knew that worked?
I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy