Drowning in problems with baby, when, and money.

HoneySuckle11

Ok so Ive got a world of problems and I really need some good advice. Everyone else Ive talked to doesnt seem to help.

Problem #1: Im 8 months pregnant and only 4 months engagged. So naturaly baby comes first, finacially as well. So that means all the plans Ive had for my dream wedding (you know, every little girls dream) are all but gone. Im ok with that because family is more important. Im just upset that money is such a huge issue between me and my Feiance. A budget of $2,000 is too much for him to accept. He is a tighta$$.  Plus all of his family is 7 hours away and mine is here, so getting them up here will cost a pretty penny. He doesn't want his parents paying cause they are strapped for cash. I guess what Im asking is how to get him to not shoot down evey idea I have and not start an argument when we talk about the wedding. He would rather us go to the court house. No romance in that, no bueno.

Problem #2: Since we are about to have a child my parents want us to get married before, but I dont want to go to the court house. I want our wedding date to be the date of our dating anniversary. Besides its 2012, people get married after the child is born all the time.  My father argues that if anything were to happen to me (such as dieing) before we got married (after the baby is born) my feance would have no legal rights to the child unless he had a paternity test. And those cost about $1500. That would be my only reason to get married before our baby is born. But im a hopeless romantic and I dont want it that way. 


Sorry for it being so long, but Ive got alot going on. Thanks for listening. 

MrsMyrtle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_drowning-problems-baby-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:155f0cd3-e722-42c4-b686-d4fa5e874f9cPost:e55dae92-fbd7-4abf-813b-a65144e532ca">Drowning in problems with baby, when, and money.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so Ive got a world of problems and I really need some good advice. Everyone else Ive talked to doesnt seem to help. Problem #1: Im 8 months pregnant and only 4 months engagged. So naturaly baby comes first, finacially as well. So that means all the plans Ive had for my dream wedding (you know, every little girls dream) are all but gone. Im ok with that because family is more important. Im just upset that money is such a huge issue between me and my Feiance. A budget of $2,000 is too much for him to accept. He is a tighta$$.  Plus all of his family is 7 hours away and mine is here, so getting them up here will cost a pretty penny. He doesn't want his parents paying cause they are strapped for cash. I guess what Im asking is how to get him to not shoot down evey idea I have and not start an argument when we talk about the wedding. He would rather us go to the court house. No romance in that, no bueno. Problem #2: Since we are about to have a child my parents want us to get married before, but I dont want to go to the court house. I want our wedding date to be the date of our dating anniversary. Besides its 2012, people get married after the child is born all the time.  My father argues that if anything were to happen to me (such as dieing) before we got married (after the baby is born) my feance would have no legal rights to the child unless he had a paternity test. And those cost about $1500. That would be my only reason to get married before our baby is born. But im a hopeless romantic and I dont want it that way.  Sorry for it being so long, but Ive got alot going on. Thanks for listening. 
Posted by HoneySuckle11[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1. If people want to be at your wedding, they can pay for their own way.</div><div>2. If you can't afford the wedding you want, either wait until you can, or have the wedding you CAN afford. If it happens to be at a courthouse, so be it.</div><div>3. Since when does a father have to take a paternity test if the mother dies? Are you a hooker? Has your father never heard of Maury?</div><div>
</div><div>This whole thing is a mess. Get your priorities straight.

</div>

ElleB87

Your father is bullsh*ting you big time. The fact that you can't see that makes me think you're not mature enough to be a wife, or a mother.  Good luck with all that.

HermosaHearts

I had a shotgun wedding in my uncles back yard and it coated more then $2000.00! Just go to the courthouse maybe you can find a mcdonalds to have the reception in.

Foodies1

Calm down first of all, you are getting too worked up over this ecspecially for being pregnant (its not good for the baby). You are supposed to only get married once and my gut and your gut is telling you that if you go through with everybody's idea and get married at the court house YOU are going to be unhappy and possibly regret this. I would tell everyone to back off and let you breathe and tell them that all you want right now is to have a healthy baby first and then you would like to worry about getting married.  Good Luck!

baconsmom

Engagged? Really? We don't need to hear about your sex life, thanks. 

krizzo17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_drowning-problems-baby-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:155f0cd3-e722-42c4-b686-d4fa5e874f9cPost:142d08a4-a0c3-4407-854a-50653d32930b">Re: Drowning in problems with baby, when, and money.</a>:
[QUOTE]Engagged? Really? We don't need to hear about your sex life, thanks. 
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

Hahah that's exactly what I was thinking

entropicbeauty

for the love of god, spellcheck!

Sue-n-Kevin

Problem #1: Im 8 months pregnant and only 4 months engagged.


Problem #2: Since we are about to have a child my parents want us to get married before, but I dont want to go to the court house. I want our wedding date to be the date of our dating anniversary. Besides its 2012, people get married after the child is born all the time

I will go out on a limb and say you are probably fairly young (under 25). Making a decision about who you will marry after having your child could be the most important decision you make. This IS 2012, and guess what? You don't have to marry your baby's daddy now or ever. You don't have to get married at all.

I agree, you have a lot on your plate. As a former single mother (and now step-mom to a 19 y/o pregnant with her 2nd child, different "baby daddies"), here's my advice:

- you are under a lot of pressure from the men in your life (fiance and dad). This is YOUR life to live, you only have to be accountable for your child and yourself. Your baby's success in life depends on having an emotionally mature mother and a secure environment. Do you still live at home? Do you have a job? Can you support this child with or without marrying your fiance? If you are fighting now about money, before even having the baby, trust me, things will get worse afterward. You may love your fiance, and maybe he'll be a good dad, but do you want to commit the rest of your life to someone who doesn't hear what you want? He's critical of what you want?

- your dad is wrong about paternity "proof", but that's neither here nor there. If your fiance attends the birth of your child, and agrees to have his name on the birth certificate, he is the dad in the eyes of the law. This may vary from state to state, but I'd think it's pretty uniform. If anything happened to you before you married him, the question is who would be the most responsible person to raise your child? Who would YOU want to raise your child? Your fiance? Your family?

- Everyone dreams of a great wedding. I dreamed of my wedding day since my teens, and I just got married for the first time last year, at the age of 56! The children I raised alone were there.

Women raise their children all the time by themselves. However, you need a job, a place to live, and help with baby sitting so you can get to school or your job. THESE are the issues you should be thinking about, not a wedding, not what your fiance and dad think...........you will have a responsibility to that child for the rest of it's (or your) life. Decide first who you want to share that responsiblity with you, not about wedding dreams.

Having a baby before you get married is no big deal. Making sure you make wise decisions about that baby is.