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Believe me... I know. It would just really suck to get this close to the wedding and have it all fall apart now.

baconsmom

"Blew off your advances"? You sat on the couch in a teddy. That's no an advance, that's a wardrobe choice.

Honestly, I think you're taking offence just to take offence. If you want sex, you have to ask for sex. With words. Explicit words. 

If people are bugging you about something that someone else is planning, send them to that someone else. Stop answering questions about it and tell them to ask your fi or MIL. It's not your problem.

The dishes thing isn't going to change anytime soon. I've lived with my H for like 8 years now, and he just barely started putting his dishes in the dishwasher. 

When he calls the cat, he thinks he's doing you a favor. He's being nice to you. Appreciate it.

And he wasn't blaming you for the vacation thing. He was pointing out that he loves that activity, but he curtails it FOR YOU. Again, he's being NICE to you. Maybe a little ham-fistedly, maybe his words could use some finesse, but honestly, it doesn't sound like it's some sort of passive-aggressive dig like you want it to be.

Why are you looking for trouble? 

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_not-sure-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:15700ba6-1ef8-4a1a-aa55-566d574052bdPost:24cdc9a3-a949-427a-8e11-1f036fd1bd48">Not sure what to make of this...</a>:JIC
[QUOTE]Not sure if this is more of me venting or looking for advice... just take it as you please, I suppose. Sorry if it is super long too... but my fiance has been acting differently lately and it is really starting to bother me... We have less then 3 weeks to the wedding, so the behavior change is kind of scaring me about our future.  Last week I wanted to surprise my FI when he came home with an intimate night. I was waiting on the couch in the living room in a teddy when he got home from work. He commented on what I was wearing, but proceeded to go upstairs and check on sports scores and fantasy baseball standings... I waited about an hour for him to come back downstairs before I just gave up, changed and went to bed. I felt like he basically shot me down and he has never done that before in this situation...  It hurt a lot that he chose the computer and sports over me, after talking to him about it the next day and he apologized profusely and claimed I looked tired and thats why he never came back. Yeah, I was wide awake... The next thing that bothered me happened a couple nights ago. We were eating dinner at the park and talking about our honeymooon plans. We are going to Myrtle Beach where he regularly went on family vacations, and he took me on a family vaca a couple years ago. That vacation was a fun time, unfortunately his mother came home and was telling everyone I was ungrateful and never thanked her and that I was never invited on the trip anyway. Which wasn't the case at all... I thanked her every time she insisted on paying for something for me and would try to politely turn down her offers to pay for me, as well as I did pay for most of my own stuff and even bought like half the groceries that EVERYONE shared and helped cook dinner a couple nights.. Also she knew for months before the vacation FI planned for me to go and never said I couldn't. Anywho... His family always spent at least one entire day at putt-putt courses when they went in the past, but the year I went we only played a couple rounds before heading back to the condo. Well, fiance asked if we could putt-putt on honeymoon, and I said of course. Then he asked if we could play more than a couple rounds, and I said probbly not because putt-putt isn't my thing. Then he comes back with the comment of  "I know, that's why we only went putt-putting once when you came with us."  He didn't say it in a mean way or anything, but the comment alone really hurt my feelings because it felt like he was almost blaming me for ruining a family tradition on that vacation... Especially because no one else wanted to stay and play more anyway, his little borther was the one who wanted to go back, not me. And no one ever said they wanted to go back to the course later on during the trip. Also, we are so close to the wedding and he and his mom are procrastinating on scheduling the rehearsal dinner. Neither of them really want to be in charge of planning it even though they both said they would of their own accord... So neither of them are making any definite decisions on when and where dinner will be. They just keep asking each other what the other one wants to do.. and then they will both turn down each others suggestions. It is frustrating because I have bridesmaids and groomsmen asking me what is going on so they can plan accordingly... but I have no answers for them because FI and FMIL don't want to do what they offered to do.  Everything else has been minor little things, like I'll ask him to make sure he dumps unfinished drinks before leaving cups in the sink because sitting waste starts to stink.. .He will claim to have dumped them when I show him a cup, then he will make an excuse like well it must have poured into another cup when I dumped it. This happened about 5 times in the past 2 weeks. Just the fact of it being a silly thing to lie and make excuses about bothers me. Sometimes when I'm working on projects around the house, one of our pet cats will come up to me looking for attention. I will pet it for a minute, but then want it to leave so I can continue working and will get frustrated if I set the cat down and it continues to jump back up repeatedly. However, there have been a few times in the past couple weeks where if the cat even looks like it might be going in my general direction but is still no where near me, he will call the cat and say something like "come here kitty, we don't want you annoying anyone."  is that really necessary?? it is not like I yell at the cats every single time they come up to me... and he yells at them for the same thing too whne they bother him and he doesn't want them. I just don't get the attitude change and negativity that has been coming out of him lately. It bothers me a lot... and reminds me a lot of his mother. She is not the nicest person in the world... FI has a strained relationship with her because  he doesn't like how she treats others, constantly makes up lies,  and can be extremely self-serving/selfish.  I'm starting to contemplate calling off fthe wedding because of this behavior change. Not sure if it is stress and jitters with the wedding coming up, or if this new behavior of my fiance scares me about what might be to come of our marriage. We have been together for 6 years and have had a great relationship. He always treats me like a queen and bareley ever has a negative word to say. I just don't know what to make of any of this. Any words of wisdom, ladies?
Posted by deesiebop[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User]

I'm not looking for trouble... Just trying to make sense of his recent changes of attitude and comments, as my post said a few different times. I don't WANT them to be passive-aggressive digs, and cannot help if they upset me or hurt my feelings at the initial time it happened. That is why I posted my feelings here to get a different perspective on it. If anything, I want you ladies to tell me I am stressing myself out over nothing.

As for him turning me down the one night... There was more than me just sitting on the couch in sexy lingerie, just didn't post that because I felt it inappropriate to give the more explicit portions of that evening. He really did turn me down. And everything else happened around or after this night.

For the rehearsal dinner... That's probably for the best to have people start asking them instead. It is just frustrating with how close it is to the wedding that they haven't agreed on anything yet, and it doesn't seem like they will agree on anything soon.

I get dishes thing won't change... Just thought it was stupid he lied about dumping milk/drinks. It actually happened again this morning, which is why it was fresh on my mind.

The cat thing... never thought of it as him thinking it was a favor. The vacation thing... never thought to take it has him curtailing his plans to make me comfortable either. Both occasions it was the words he used that upset me as they did sound like it could be meant as a dig. We have had some problems in the past where he says something that sounds like he means it one way, but when we talk about it I come to find he really meant it to come off in a completely different way.   

In the end, it is just a lot of frustrating things happening in a short period of time, that also happens to be a very nerve wracking time since we are getting ready for one of the biggest steps in our lives together.

salto3

Men are moody.  I have learned that from my FI over the past 5 yrs.  Some men seem to PMS way worse than females (look it up-they have a monthly cycle also).