What if my BM's want to wear dresses from someone else's wedding?

kristina87

So... I have three bridesmaids; my two cousins and my fiance's sister. And last week one of my cousins sent me a picture message of her and her sister wearing these black bridesmaids dresses. They said that they were from Jessica McClintock and could they wear them in my wedding? (I might add they were from the Jessica McClintock boutique store, not just from JCPenney or something)

I asked them where the dresses were and how much did they cost, temporarily ignoring the fact that they LEFT ME OUT of picking the bridesmaids dresses for my own wedding. They replied that the dresses were leftover from someone else's wedding almost four years ago. I asked them what my other bridesmaid was supposed to wear (as it would be almost impossible to find a third matching Jessica McClintock dress) and then they asked me where they should go (that day) to buy dresses, not ever even asking me if I could go along. 

I told them it was hurtful that they wanted to go without me, so they didn't go, but I never really answered them about the dresses from the other wedding. I picked up the sash from the Jessica McClintock dress from my cousin, saying that I might try to match it. The sash alone cost $30, and they don't even care enough to spend $1 on a new dress for my wedding that I picked out. Besides, my mom already told them that she would pay for the dresses, although I don't think they really wanted her to buy them.

What should I do about the dresses, and for that matter, the bridesmaids????

Nukke

First of all, do you like the dresses?  If they're something you would pick for them anyway, then I say go for it.  See if you can find a matching one for your other bridesmaids.  Otherwise, have you thought about just having them each wear their own black dress? (assuming black is cool with you). 

If you dont like the dress, and want the matchy-matchy bridesmaid look, then simply communicate that to the bridesmaids who asked you about their black dress.  Then you need to step it up and start organizing a time to take them to look at dresses.  It is nice that they're eager to discuss dresses, eh?  That's certainly a plus! 

And why are you assuming that they don't want to spend any money on dresses?  Just because they suggested this other option?  Don't be so quick to assume things and don't take things so personally.  It will work out fine. 

kristina87

I had dresses picked out at David's Bridal. They were really nice. I showed said dresses to my cousins. They are NOT similar to the dresses from the other wedding.
Since it was established many, many times that I was planning to go with them to David's Bridal (along with our other bridesmaid), I find it insulting that they want to wear these other dresses that are not like the dresses I picked out and that they completely ignored me and our other bridesmaid in thinking they could just go pick out whatever they wanted, if I didn't like the hand-me-down dresses.

Nukke

Oh, I see the problem.  I thought you hadn't done any bridesmaid dress planning/shopping yet and they didn't have any clue what you wanted.  Yeah, that's not very nice of them to ask about other dresses after you already chose some. 

Still, keep your cool and simply tell them that you've already got the dresses chosen.  Before you chose them, did you discuss what dresses they could afford?  That's a pretty important discussion.

kristina87

Actually, my mom offered to pay for the bridesmaids dresses.
And yes, we did say that to them out loud, more than once.

Heffalump

I would consider the other dresses, at least.  They don't all have to match.  If you hate them, that's one thing, but if they're fine and your BMs like them (and already own them!) I'd see it as a lucky break and one less thing to deal with.

Honestly, having almost been a BM (the wedding was called off after I already bought the hideous dress), it sounds like they hate the dress you chose and are trying to be diplomatic about it.  Especially since they don't seem to want it even if someone else pays.  What you do with that is up to you:  is your "vision" more important to you than your BMs wearing something they actually like and feel comfortable in?

katorigasuki

they could just be trying to be helpful.  don't take things so personally.