Wedding Woes

My sister has now insulted me...

In my previous post, I told you all of how my mother called my wedding "trashy"... it turns out that she doesn't think the actual wedding is trashy, but she thinks that having a ceremony at a winery is trashy. She said she didn't care if we got married outside, its the winery part that has her worked up. Well... then SHE shouldn't get married there...

In addition to that, I decided to ask my sister's opinion... my sister is super religious and a stay at home mom.  She flat out said to me "You and Brandon are not religous, you don't go to church and you have no established belief system."

Ouch. why don't you just call me the devil?

Here's the thing: We are trying to find at church that we like and that we feel meets our needs spiritually and that we can also give back our time and talents to the church. My guy and I have only been together since March... we got engaged after two months of dating (but we've known each other since we were ten years old!) and so therefore we haven't had as much time to find a church that we really like and want to attend. We have our own beliefs, but we are still starting out on our spiritual journey. We are getting married May 5, 2012.

I work full-time, forty hours a week, as does my guy. He has weekends off, I do not. In the next few weeks, I will be starting a new position where I will be required to work every Sunday from 8am-4pm... that kind of makes it difficult to find a church. My sister has never had a forty hour a week job. She hasn't worked weekends since she was in high school, and she's 27 years old. She quit her job three months before her wedding to focus on "the wedding".

I don't necessarily believe in everything she does, but I'm not going to tell her that she's wrong because of it. And why is it that I am finding so many devout Christians who are so self-rightous and judgemental?  Maybe instead of being rude about it and saying mean things to me about my going or not going to church, she should be a little more helpful and try to assist me with finding somewhere to go. She keeps wanting me to go to her church, but my fiancee and I hate it.

Also, we live 45 minutes away from our families and the church we do like. However, it doesn't have a Sunday evening service. So we are in a pickle because we need to find a church in our area that has a Sunday evening service, and that we want to attend and want to be apart of.

Sorry for the rant.

Re: My sister has now insulted me...

  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    you're not going to continue to post these here for the next 9 months are you?

    we get it, your family sucks.

  • edited December 2011
    You need to stop asking people for their opinion, hoping they will validate you.

    You need to accept that your family has their belief system and they act certain ways.

    You need to move on. In life and from this board.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Wow. I apologize for posting in the "Wedding Woes" section, I didn't think I was wrong in doing so.  I've never had issues with my family like this EVER, so I was merely looking for advice. 

    No, my family does not suck. They are actually very nice people but sometimes very opinionated. I was simply looking for anyone that may have had similiar issues.

    It's obvious that my posts are no longer welcome so I won't be bothing you with anymore questions.  I'll quote "move on in my life and with this board".
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-now-insulted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:191fe182-a0a6-4c32-9110-0de5e0231910Post:752f7a59-ef03-4d4a-80a2-cfecaddcd443">Re:</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow. I apologize for posting in the "Wedding Woes" section, I didn't think I was wrong in doing so.  I've never had issues with my family like this EVER, so I was merely looking for advice.  No, my family does not suck. They are actually very nice people but sometimes very opinionated. I was simply looking for anyone that may have had similiar issues. It's obvious that my posts are no longer welcome so I won't be bothing you with anymore questions. <strong> I'll quote "move on in my life and with this board".
    </strong>Posted by meyersciara[/QUOTE]

    you don't need to type "quote" - the quotation marks are sufficient.
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    that's very true. rather than apologizing after the fact, she should have refrained from posting in the first place.
  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-now-insulted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:191fe182-a0a6-4c32-9110-0de5e0231910Post:752f7a59-ef03-4d4a-80a2-cfecaddcd443">Re:</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow. I apologize for posting in the "Wedding Woes" section, I didn't think I was wrong in doing so.  I've never had issues with my family like this EVER, so I was merely looking for advice.  No, my family does not suck. They are actually very nice people but sometimes very opinionated. I was simply looking for anyone that may have had similiar issues. It's obvious that my posts are no longer welcome so I won't be bothing you with anymore questions.  I'll quote "move on in my life and with this board".
    Posted by meyersciara[/QUOTE]

    She said GOOD DAY!
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    you mean quote "quote 'air quotes'"
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-now-insulted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:191fe182-a0a6-4c32-9110-0de5e0231910Post:46705a4f-8d7c-4802-b017-d2b433028c15">Re: My sister has now insulted me...</a>:
    [QUOTE]you mean <strong>quote "quote 'air quotes'"</strong>
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]


    This gives me a quote "headache".
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-now-insulted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:191fe182-a0a6-4c32-9110-0de5e0231910Post:fdb4081a-d3be-4d5f-bdd9-d871830bd06c">Re: My sister has now insulted me...</a>:
    [QUOTE]this has to now be a thing.
    Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

    You mean a quote "thing".
  • edited December 2011
    "you" "mean" "a" thing?"
    image
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You have to say "quote" "first", Min.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't quote "understand," as you put it.
    image
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    i think Zzilla meant a quote "quote 'thing'"
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    here's what I don't get, your sister said :
    " "You and Brandon are not religous, you don't go to church and you have no established belief system.""

    ^WHAT is so insulting about that?
    It sounds like truth.
    If it's not truth, it sounds like it's a reasonable asumption.
    Why is that insulting?
    What is WRONG with not going to church and not having an 'established belief system'?
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry if I made a mistake in my post. I have to use a speech to text program on my computer because I only have use of one side of my body due to a stroke I had while in the hospital a few years ago. So I have to say "dot dot dot" for "..." and I have to say "quote" when I want to type something in quotes.  I just happened to make a mistake because I didn't proof read beforehand. I apologize if my typing was not perfect.

    There is nothing wrong with not going to church or not having an established belief system. I did not mean it in any negative way. I just personally felt like my sister had insulted me because I do in fact go to church and I do have my own spiritual and religious beliefs. I guess what I should have said is that she immediatley jumps into her preach mode on what she feels I am doing wrong before actually listening to what I'm going through.
  • Queen JaneQueen Jane member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    People like you are the reason I have to work Sunday nights. I hate working Sunday nights. "God" put church on tv for a reason. DVR that shiit.
  • libraqueenlibraqueen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OMG!!!
    Okay, whatever you believe in is your biz. Im sorry you are stuck in a religous/family mess. I feel they should keep their religon and opinoins to themselves.

    Jesus didnt have a fancy church to preach in..he did it on a mountaintop. If ppl cant understand that you guys work, well I guess they are either so damned lucky to have life handed to them or arent as devout a christian as they claim. Isnt there something about not judging ppl in that bible?

    Honey, you do what you and your FI WANT to do for your special day. It is not about estheics or the "Greatest show on Earth" like most brides I see on here. If they dont like it, they dont have to come. Just plan your wedding how you see fit, especially if you guys are paying yourself. Then definitley there is not room for anyone to gripe unless they wanna hand over $$ for a venue more suitable for them. And about church...whenever you guys are ready to go, you will find one close and one that fits your needs too.
    Love and Good wishes to you
  • b+tchzillab+tchzilla member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ignore these obviously sad women who are repeatedly abusing you like this. As far as I'm concerned, post whatever your little heart desires for the next 9 months... "Barbie" and "Wifezilla" don't have to read it. They can go one with their bitchy ways in other posts.

    It's your wedding and I understand that you want everyone to get along. Just try to relax and hopefully things will work themselves out. Maybe your mom and sister both thought they were being helpful, when really they were being hurtful, but not intending to.

    It sounds like you've been through alot and overcome a great deal. Keep your head up and things will all work out how they are supposed to :)
  • edited December 2011
    Wow is all I can say to some of the posts on here.

    This is a very stressful time esp. with Family opinions thrown in.

    I would suggest driving around in your area for Churches that offer a Sunday Evening service.  Also, when I moved to Texas, I went into a Christian Bookstore nearby and asked for church suggestions.

    Check if there is a store near you, they usually deal with a lot of churches in the area and give great suggestions based on your beliefs and style of worship you may prefer.

    Anytime anyone (esp.. family members) give you their very decided opinion just relax and take a breath.  The important thing is you will be united with your FI in May 2012.  Your marriage will be God, You and your FI.  No one else.

    Hang in there!
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011

    Is it very important to you and your FI to be married in a church? My FI and I are not religious so we decided to have a secular ceremony. Do whatever you two want to do - not what your family (or his) would expect.

    Ignore the negative posts on here too. Your post is asking for  exactly what this website is for - advice.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • sgoodingssgoodings member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hunny, you'll never please them all. Its your day and do what you want! If you don't you will resent them later! As for the women on here, well clearly have nothing better do to with their lives and have no matured past the age of 12. Its you're day and don't forget it. I'm pretty sure my mother in law hates what im doing for my wedding, but tough! Can't make everyone happy so just worry about making yourself.
    All the best to you!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards