Father/Daughter/Step-Father????

futuremrsdieck

HELP! I don't know what to do!  My parents are divorced and have re-married. My step-dad has been a big part of my life, but I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings about having him give me away. I was thinking about having both of them give me away, but I know my dad would be hurt, but if I didn't inculde my step-dad I know he would be hurt. Does any one have any unique ideas on how to go about this? Advice for the father/daughter dance would be helpful too!!!!

heatherrenee527

This is my exact situation.  My step-father has always been there for me and my real father has not.  Yet, I still want to include him in my wedding.  My real dad has been trying to make a little bit of an effort lately but I'm not sure it really makes up for being MIA financially, emotionally, and physically (he didn't even attend my law school graduation).  I'm trying not to let the past fully dictate my day since it's never too late for someone to change, I just have to see if he has.  I have a year before my wedding so time will tell but the plan is to have both of my dads walk me down the aisle, give me away and they will each have a father-daughter dance with me (each gets a song). 

My friend got married a year ago and she did the same thing, but her aisle was tight so her step-dad walked her in with her dad then walked down the outside of the aisle and meet them at the alter where they both gave her away.  Then, they split the father-daughter dance in a single song.

I hope that helps.  I know it's a very touchy subject so you have to weigh your wants and the feelings of others.  My thing is, if my dad can make an effort now, then maybe he will be around once I have kids, so I do want to at least give him a chance.

melntaitt

I'm not going to be very helpful because for me it was never a choice of who was walking me down the aisle - my stepdad. I did have an uncomfortable conversation with my father explaining this to him, although why it was a surprise is totally beyond me.

I have seen some other posters have both walk them down the aisle so perhaps it's an idea you can explore.

My DOC mentioned a dance with all the parents - you dance with the fathers and FH dances with the mothers. I'm not warm to this idea but it's an option.

*Barbie*

i read your SN as "future mrs d!ck"

i think you have a  few options:
have both escort you and dance with you
have one escort you and dance with the other
walk down the aisle alone and don't have the spotlight dances.

heatherfitz

Exact same situation here.

My step-dad has helped raise me. My dad was involved off and on in my life.

As of last year, he has made 1,000% more effort to be a part of my life, and is contributing quite a bit of money to the wedding.

I was torn with trying to figure out how to incorporate them walking me down the aisle.

Add to that I don't want anyone to "give me away" and you have a pickle :P

Soooo, I decided on having my dad and step-dad on each arm walk me down most of the aisle. When we're close to the altar, I'll give them each a kiss on the cheek and walk myself the rest of the way to my future husband.

It incorporates both of them and I give myself away

pattib5

At my "dress rehearsal" wedding 11 years ago, I chose to have my step-father walk me down the aisle. It really hurt my bio-dad's feelings, even though, like your father, my bio-dad hadn't been there for much of my life.

At my real wedding, I've decided I'm a grown woman, I don't need a male authority figure giving me away. So I'm walking myself down the aisle and my fiance will meet me about two-thirds of the way down and we'll finish walking up together.

Regarding the father-daughter dances, I can't remember what I did for my dress rehearsal, but I know I danced with both. This wedding, we're forgoing formal dances with parents and will just grab a dance with each of them informally sometime during the reception.

You have a lot of options here, but it really just depends on what you feel comfortable with.

mandctaft

Both my "dads" are walking me because stepdad has been in my life since I was 3 and my father was in and out of my life until I was a sophomore in high school, then he tried reconnecting me which has been going okay. I asked them both to walk me because I couldn't choose between them, but if they made me, I'd walk alone. I was concerned with the aisle width, but since we decided to do an outdoor ceremony, we can make the ailse as big as we need.