OMG so much to judge! getting married in college! firing the best man! best man quitting! wedding crashing! hideous 80s wedding fashions! asian chick with a perm!
it was an awesome night in the hmo household.
so alex and his friends have poker night at the keaton household. on one hand -- get an apartment, alex. on the other hand, free food and maybe a beer that drunkle ned didn't find. it turns out that alex runs with quite the brat pack -- his friends include timothy busfield (elliott from "thirtysomething" if you are old, danny concannon from "west wing" if you are a nerd, and poindexter from "revenge of the nerds" if you are awesome), billy campbell (rick from "once and again" if you are old, jordan from "the 4400" if you are a nerd, and luke from "dynasty" if you are awesome), tate donovan (robin masters's nephew from "magnum pi" if you are old, joshua from "friends" if you are a nerd, and lt. luke sinclair from "memphis belle" if you are awesome) and a dude who was in "teen wolf 2" but none of you saw that.
so ellidandexter loses becuase it turns out that a pair of threes does not beat a straight (jack high). i know! i know nothing about poker (except dirty jokes) and even i know that. poker party/sausagefest (HEE) breaks up, but ellidandexter stays because he and alex are bffs. they make plans but then ellidandexter breaks them because he met a girl. eleanor. alex is all happy for ellidandexter, but sad that he has no plans. and apparently, no other friends in the world.
lather, rinse, repeat -- alex keeps wanting to make plans, but ellidandexter breaks thems because of eleanor. FINALLY they can hang out to watch "true grit" and eat popcorn. oh but wait -- ellidandexter is bringing eleanor! and eleanor is not white -- she's asian! and she has a perm!
okay, quickie sidebar here -- i know we talk a lot about hair and touching and lace fronts and all that, but the forgotten fifth wheel here is asian hair. asian hair is normally very straight, and when you give it a perm, you really GIVE IT A PERM, Y'ALL. if you run a brush through it when it's dry, you end up looking like sweet lou dunbar. i mean, a three hour hair treatment will make you a completely different ethnicity. it's just crazytown. and don't even get me started on the growing out process. let's just say -- it's a hell of a long time to be wearing a ponytail or you could just embrace your new self and pull it up into afropoms. when i put my hand up on your hip, i dip, you dip, we dip. i guess i should be glad the 80s are over, and i can just embrace a time where asian chicks with long straight hair are not messing with the texture, and only messing with the color. although -- when you ARE yellow, your hair should NOT be yellow, too. work with me, my dragon sisters.
back to the show.
alex and eleanor frizzikins and ellidandexter are all squished on the keaton's ridiculous queen anne couch, and alex is in the middle. and THANK GOD there are no sex jokes because this episode is already rife with things to make fun of. elidandexter is all "isn't this nice?" and i'm all "it's nice for YOU" and i'm mad at his selfishness all over again and there might have been some yelling. sorry, i have ptsd over the fight that dh and i had three weeks ago, and i get all kuus "you know, when you throw things at the other person, right? am i right?" over it now.
ellidandexter comes over later and tells alex that he has something to tell him. alex has something to tell him too, and goes first. alex is all upset because ellidandexter is all about eleanor and never wants to hang out and alex misses him so much. ellidandexter tells alex that he and eleanor are moving in together, and that they are going to get married. MARRIED. in college.
y'all, i paused it so i could have a cackle.
ellidandexter wants alex to be the best man. alex says he's honored but ellidandexter is diddlyfarking nuts for getting married while in college. TEACH IT LIKE YOU PREACH IT, ALEX P. KEATON. they get into a fight, alex quits as best man and ellidandexter fires him. FRIENDSHIP -- DISBANDED.
alex stats whining to the family and tries to get them to do stuff with him -- again, no friends, alex? you can't find other people who also hate the poor and immigrants like you and other republicans do?
alex is moping around the house (i guess leland college must be totally easy) when the door rings -- and it's eleanor, her hair ringing her face like a frizzy halo. she tells alex that ellidandexter misses him a lot, and that she wishes they would make up and he would come to the wedding. alex says sorry but no. and thank you for coming, because he was raised right.
wedding time! okay, so ellidandexter is wearing a tux (because that is what adults do) and carrying his backpack because this show is a comedy. (by the way, is it just me, or does timothy busfield carry a backpack in ALL of his roles? for real, someone needs to cast him as a caveman just to see if he would show up with a backpack.) eleanor starts walking down the aisle.
i cannot adequately describe what it is that she is wearing, but i will try. so it's a long puff sleeve dress. the front is high necked, but it has a sheer dotted swiss front, and the neckline of the opaque part is straight across. very flattering. it's long, with more lace and swiss dotting. and of course, she is wearing one of those yamulke hats with dotted swiss sticking out around it, and her perm has some angela davis action going on. with bangs. oh, and the dress is "antique yellow" which makes sense because she probably went to keaton and sons drycleaners, and everyone knows you go to asians to get those whites white.
alex slips into the back just as the ceremony is starting (RUDE) and ellidandexter spots him and is all "ALEX. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" oh nothing much. hey, what are you up to?
so they make up right there in the middle of the aisle, and the ceremony goes on and they get married and probably divorced later because seriously -- don't get married in college, people.
other judge-worthy things in this episode --
the wedding did not have a seat for every butt. in the ceremony, there were people standing. STANDING, I SAY.
as soon as alex shows up, ellidandexter booted out rickjorluke as the best man. i mean, right there at the altar.
for real -- why doesn't alex have any other friends? or do you think he is the dude that everyone is dumping, like all the horrible btches that y'all (rightfully) dumped in that thread below?
i know alex was all "don't get married so young!" and yet he married tracy pollen when they were both like 28.
more information about asians and perms may be found on the internet. specifically, here: