Wedding Woes
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just a rant I need to get out...

Just got off the phone with my mom - she was calling to let me know how hurtful she thinks it is that my future MIL offered up her house for my MOH to host my shower... Seriously, she spent almost 20 minutes tearfully explaining that everyone knows the bride's mom always plans the shower, and maybe someday when her daughter gets married she'll understand how it feels, how inconsiderate of my MOH to exclude her like this, how selfish of MIL to deny her one of the only events she gets to participate in, and on, and on, and on.......

I'm getting so totally frustrated with her. EVERYONE is thoughtless, and we're ALL constantly disregarding her feelings, and what it's like for her. But then whenver there is an opportunity for her to participate or host, etc. she doesn't want to do it!

First of all, her and I are not particularly close and our relationship has been strained (to put it mildly) for years, so I sort of resent that she seems to be calling dibs on every aspect of what's supposed to be MY day.

I suggested she host an engagement party (or smaller event, since spending any money on anything not totally self-indulgent is an issue for her!) and she declined, but instead after refusing FIVE invitations to meet my fiance's parents she invited them to an engagement brunch in a stuffy over-priced restaurant where no one felt comfortable.

And besides, seems like every where I look it says that the whole world except her knows that she doesn't traditionally help plan this, so it's not like it's so strange that MOH wouldn't have asked for her help.

She's just so snide and bitchy everytime anyone tries to do anything for us or to help us with this, like she things they should all be clearing every single gesture with her first. I don't understand why she can't just be happy (or at least pretend to be happy) that we're LUCKY to have so many people who want to help us and be a part of our wedding, and that it isn't ALL about her.

Re: just a rant I need to get out...

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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_just-a-rant-i-need-to-get-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1bf22b05-2070-43af-ae35-2599c26dfda3Post:d6779748-db07-4b83-a3f1-801b0b2c7554">just a rant I need to get out...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just got off the phone with my mom - she was calling to let me know how hurtful she thinks it is that my future MIL offered up her house for my MOH to host my shower... Seriously, she spent almost 20 minutes tearfully explaining that everyone knows the bride's mom always plans the shower, and maybe someday when her daughter gets married she'll understand how it feels, how inconsiderate of my MOH to exclude her like this, how selfish of MIL to deny her one of the only events she gets to participate in, and on, and on, and on....... I'm getting so totally frustrated with her. EVERYONE is thoughtless, and we're ALL constantly disregarding her feelings, and what it's like for her. But then whenver there is an opportunity for her to participate or host, etc. she doesn't want to do it! First of all, her and I are not particularly close and our relationship has been strained (to put it mildly) for years, so I sort of resent that she seems to be calling dibs on every aspect of what's supposed to be MY day. I suggested she host an engagement party (or smaller event, since spending any money on anything not totally self-indulgent is an issue for her!) and she declined, but instead after refusing FIVE invitations to meet my fiance's parents she invited them to an engagement brunch in a stuffy over-priced restaurant where no one felt comfortable. And besides, seems like every where I look it says that the whole world except her knows that she doesn't traditionally help plan this, so it's not like it's so strange that MOH wouldn't have asked for her help. She's just so snide and bitchy everytime anyone tries to do anything for us or to help us with this, like she things they should all be clearing every single gesture with her first. I don't understand why she can't just be happy (or at least pretend to be happy) that we're LUCKY to have so many people who want to help us and be a part of our wedding, and that it isn't ALL about her.
    Posted by jessk123[/QUOTE]

    Actually, if you follow the rules of etiquette, the MOB *never* throws the shower.

    Still, sounds like logical arguments aren't the way to go here. Sorry your mom is being an azz.

    image
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    Although my issues are a little different, I completely understand how you feel. What I don't understand, however, is how so many people feel that it's okay for them to push their will for someone elses wedding. Like you said it's YOUR day! 

    Just keep pushing through, and know that you're doing what makes you happy. 


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    I'm in agreeance with PP... I have my own strained relationship with my mother and I have been having a lot of issues because her and my father got divorced last year, about 2-3 months before I got engaged actually and now its all about how she'll be alone and how apparently I'm not happy and how she has so much going on because she's alone.  I totally feel you. 

    Try to focus on the people who do care and who are trying to make things special for you and just let her rant with the occasional "mmhmm" thrown in.  I know personally I'd like my mother to be involved and turly be happy for me and it took me a while to get to a point where I could accept that she probably will be beating this till the actual day but at a certain point, you just need ot start worrying about yourself. 
    -Paola- Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    I'm convinced there is something in the water supply, because my mom is giving me the same kind of trouble too, except my MOH actually ASKED her if she wanted to help with the shower.  She said no because she felt it wasn't her place, but now she's all boo-hoo-ey about the fact that she's not involved.  That's been the case with just about every aspect of the wedding I've attempted to get her involved in ("Oh no, you should do what you want, I'm going to stay out of it."  "Why didn't you ask for my opinion?").

    You can try the logical approach ("Mom?  Actually, the shower is the one wedding activity that you are specifically NOT suppose to be involved in."), the try-to-help approach ("Why don't you call MOH and ask her if there is anything you can do to help?" (although you should be careful here...if your mom is going to go off on MOH, maybe don't do this...)), or the she'll-get-over-it approach (and do absolutely nothing).

    If she's the kind of person you think you could do this with, you could also throw a "why can't you just be happy for us that we not only found each other but also have so many wonderful people in our lives that want to help us?" out there the next time she has a hissy fit.
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