We haven't even STARTED planning yet, and it's stressing us out!!!

snatvig24

Hey all!

My fiance and I got engaged about a month ago, and have already had some SERIOUS snags in our planning.  I grew up in Iowa, and moved to Houston about 7 years ago.  He, on the other hand grew up on the east coast and moved to Texas with his dad and his sister about 5 years ago when his dad opened up a restaurant/ catering business here in the city.  I've sort of always thought I'd get married in my hometown, but he's not particularly fond of the idea of getting married in Iowa, or in having to plan from a distance and all the stress and financial issues that would come along with that.  I'm not totally opposed to getting married in Texas, but I'm worried that the Iowa people who mean the most to me, you know- the ones you can't imagine NOT being there, won't be able to make it.  I know it's a lot to expect people to come to a wedding half way across the country...
I've tried to weigh out the pros and cons for both locations, but it just seems that we're hitting a brick wall, and we've gone in circles for the past few weeks debating the issue.  Staying here would mean we have a free caterer and tons of connections for good deals on other aspects of the reception; meaning we could splurge a little on a reception site knowing the food would be taken care of, but it also means my guest list might not be the way I've always dreamed of.  Going there means all my friends and family would be present, but it would be much harder to get HIS there, and we'd have to find time/money to travel back and forth, spending MORE on food/ drinks and probably less on other aspects that might be more important. Any ideas or suggestions?? Anyone else going through location/ WIDE spread family and friends issues??  Thanks all! 

MinM

Have it local. Make it equally inconvenient for your family and his family to travel to the reception. This means not everyone will be able to make it, but that will be true no matter where you have the wedding. Plus, if you have it in Houston, you won't be picking 'sides' and this should help with not hurting people's feelings.

It's what we did. It made planning easier on us. Memaw and Paw and Grandpa weren't there and that sucked....but that stuff happens.

JW28

You definitely have a tricky situation there. Splitting the distance and having it in the middle doesn't seem like an option for you because Iowa and Texas are very far apart, not to mention that also loses you the catering from your FI's family business. You might want to think about how many friends/family you have back home in Iowa compared to the number of friends/family in Houston and elsewhere. I would think though that the people that you're really close to, the ones you really want to come, would come regardless of where you have it. 

I'm having a similar problem in deciding where to have mine. I grew up in IL, FI grew up in NYC, most of my relatives (aunts/uncles and grandparents) are in OH, we both went to school in Boston, and we now live in the SF Bay area. Some of our good friends from school and back home have moved to various places throughout the country. Our preliminary guest list is relatively small (around 80), but they are so spread out that wherever we have it a very large portion of our  guests would have to travel significantly. Currently we're seriously considering having it in PA where one of my uncles lives, since it splits the distance between OH and Boston (and NYC is near too). However, that leaves about 60% of the guests driving 3-7 hours (more like 12 for my parents from IL, but they can stop with family in OH on the way) and the rest of them flying in from the rest of the country. Unfortunately, I think there's every chance that we could invite 80 and only get 40 guests due to the difficulties with travel.

One possibility that we're considering is having one ceremony and multiple receptions. Basically pick a place to have the wedding, then have an extra reception or two for our distant (geographically) friends/family (in our case, the 3 locations would be CA, OH, and NYC or Boston). It might be very tricky to pull that off though, due to the extra expense. The guest list gets kind of funny then too because you have to invite everyone to the real wedding (as etiquette demands), then basically have an optional extra reception for those who couldn't make it (plus anyone who did come but lives in the area and wants to celebrate again). I think that only works if everything is informal though, so it's not this gigantic fancy party 2-3 times.

leamide

Sounds like a problem and I understand why your stressing! I would have it local for both of you. Maybe being able to give out enough notice of time would allow your family in Iowa and his family on the east coast time to save money to be able to share your day with both of you. Or if you can save enough money from the catering and other deals you can get, maybe see if you have extra money left over to have your closest family member flown to TX on you.

Good luck withyour planning and just remember to take a few deep deep breathes and try to relax, it will all come together in the end.

*Barbie*

have it in Houston in late Feb. the Iowa folks will appreciate the beautiful weather - it can be a mini vacation for them.

Tanq&Tonic

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_havent-even-started-planning-yet-its-stressing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1ca068cf-c0bb-4b28-91d6-f2e3626bb3f7Post:4d2f2419-6caf-40ee-b253-7f07e9b4e6c5">Re: We haven't even STARTED planning yet, and it's stressing us out!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]have it in Houston in late Feb. the Iowa folks will appreciate the beautiful weather - it can be a mini vacation for them.
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]
This sounds brilliant.  Or you could just make everyone travel and pick something glorious and tropical (Hawaii anyone)?  Our NY and Chicago guests were most pleased with our decision to get married in Hawaii :)