Guest List Issues

dcwhite407

Let me say the only issue we are having is the guests list! My fiance and me are paying for our wedding. I was wishing for a small yet special wedding, but due to my fiances large family on his fathers side and his close bond with friends and their families does increase the list. On top of this, he has included what I think are B list guests. Lets not forget our neutral friends. All this made our total 130. I had tried to compromise, plead, cried, and agrued how the more heads the more cost of everything will be... No go!! So, I am fixing all 30 people on my side will not be getting save-the-dates and late invites in hopes they won't show up for less on the venue (I choose to do this seeing his is insufferable about his guests). Now, all of a sudden, his mother keeps insisting her nearest and dearest friends should come and she'll pay!! I already have an empty pool here, plus I do not want random people I have to accommodate with on invitations and favors I will be paying for! He told me he will handle it, but I am nervous seeing he is just as bad and will give in! I do not know what to do. I understand he would like everyone under the sun to be apart of the special moment, but I am miserable and there is nothing he will do to change his amount of guests

Wzz

i don't understand why these people keep adding to the guest list knowing you and your FI cannot afford it, and your Fi is one of these people? how does your Fi plan to get the money to pay the extra expense?

Aubrey B

I understand completely how you feel.  I was hoping for a small wedding as well but am actually going to end up with a head count of around 300 (due, in large part, to my fiance's very large family).  It is easy to say but try not to let these guest list issues ruin your engagement.  This should be a happy time.  It is extremely inconsiderate of your future mother-in-law to be adding people to the guest list who you don't really know and can't afford to pay for, and its an issue that both you and your fiance should deal with together.  In terms of costs, try to look at other things in your wedding buget that can be cut in order to be able to afford the larger guest list.  For instance, instead of sending save the dates and invites, just send your invites a little earlier than normal (2 months instead of 6 weeks ahead for example). 

All the best!!

baird32

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a fiance with a large family. I like Aubreys ideas. I'm doing the same as you though. Some of the people I know aren't getting a save the date and will get a late invitation. Its mostly because I feel obligated to invite them though and I really don't want them there. I know it sounds bad and its for the wrong reasons. I just hope it works. Let his mom know that its just the meal she's paying for, she'll be in charge of their favors too. Maybe she'll think twice

gailpete

If your FMIL wants to add additional people, she needs to cover the total cost of those additional people.  That includes food, drinks, invitations, favors, table, chair & linen rental for the extra seats, centerpeices, cake, etc.  Also, don't forget to include the gratuity and tax on any of those expenses.  When she finds out what the total cost per person is, she may change her mind.  Your FI may also change his mind on how many people MUST be invited.

dcwhite407

I like your thinking!! lol