Wedding Woes

Rant: FI doesn't like the venue I picked

I found the most *FABULOUS* venue that reminds me of my trip to Japan.  It's rated one of the top Japanese gardens outside of Japan.  I found a back-up Japanese garden in case the other one is too expensive or super-booked, because I'm totally in love with this idea.  (I've been a huge fan of Japanese culture for a long time from art, customs, architecture, fashion, music, etc. - my trip to Tokyo during my internship was probably the most memorable experience of my life and I can't wait until I get to go back eventually).  They're both a few hours from us.  I know people who have been to both and have taken pictures and I've been looking at photos of other weddings that have taken place there on photographer's websites.  I'm waiting for a free weekend for the two fo us to go visit (maybe next month).

He essentially told me to do what I wanted in terms of planning.  He's been through the wedding thing once before and doesn't really care about the details.

Today, however, he informs me that he essentially sees it as the equivalent of going to Vegas to get married.  Uhm - what?  Because neither of us have any specific ties to that particular town and it has no meaning for us.  I can't think of anywhere I'd want to get married in a town that fits his criteria.  Where we met?  First date?  First kiss?  Uhm - none of the above, please - not to mention those are all out of the way for everyone, including us.  Regardless if we have it where we live or if we travel - the entire proposed (not asked yet) wedding party, both of our parents, and most of my family is from OOT/OOS so they're all going to have to travel to get there anyways!  He has 1 cousin that lives in town and the rest of his family is OOT too (albiet closer than my family), with the exception of his parents (adjacent state) & sister (halfway across the country)

*headdesk*

/end rant

Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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Re: Rant: FI doesn't like the venue I picked

  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's your FI's wedding too. I know a lot of guys say "it's up to you" but they do still have a final say.  You need to communicate with him and reach some kind of middle ground.  Maybe he doesn't full understand why you want that specific venue.  As much as you love the place, would you really feel good walking in to it on your wedding day knowing that your husband hated it?  I wouldn't. 
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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Obviously I wouldn't want to get married somewhere he didn't - now he keeps claiming that he doesn't "not like it", but can't give me any venue or city alternatives he thinks would be better.

    He knows of my love for Japan, and when I brought it up again he goes "Why don't we just get married in Japan, then?"  Sounds fabulously if I *really* didn't want people to come!  Intercontinental plane tickets, (typically) more expensive hotels, + having to take more time off work (1 day flight, 1 day to get over jet lag, 1 day for the wedding, 1 day flight, 1 day to get over jet lag) - not to mention any sightseeing people want to do.  I guess it wouldn't be any more expensive for *us* because we could just stay and have the honeymoon there - but it seems unreasonable to ask our guests & WP to take that much time off work & spend that much money to come to our wedding.

    He sees going anywhere as eloping in Vegas, whereas I think there's a huge stretch between asking people to drive an extra hour or two (for some it would be closer) when they're going to have to drive and stay in a hotel anyways to having a DW.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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