Wedding Woes
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Parent issues...

So my fiancee and I have been engaged for about 3 years and we're finally doing it. I think at first, they were because I was happy, but they weren't happy because my boyfriend didn't ask(we had talked about getting engaged long before he proposed, I am not an object owned by my father, that tradition bothers me alot) But anyway, for years, i've been trying to accomedate my family(huuuuge family) and I still got resistance from the parents. I was reassured constantly that they'd help, yet whenever i brought it up, I got attitude. They seem like they wanted a traditional one, but if I can't get help or resources, why would i struggle to do that when its not what I want?

So, my fiancee and I are doing a Punk rock show(he and I are deeply ingrated in that stuff, he's in a band, and I'm a tattoo artist with a mohawk), in between a few bands, we're getting a JP and doing the ceremony on stage. My parents are still not thrilled even though i'm taking the inititive without them. We're able to do this on our own, but to save on stress, I did ask my father for a loan. He said he doesn't care what i do, but the family won't be happy. Meanwhile, I brought it up with my stepmother, and she gets quiet and agitated. After three years, its coming down to it and I get sick to my stomach just thinking about how they act about it....

what should I do!?!?!

Re: Parent issues...

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    edited December 2011
    so what exactly do you need a loan for?
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't get a "loan" from family. Have a wedding you can afford all by yourself. Save up & have whatever you want, while thinking about the comfort of your guests. If your parents give you money (even a loan) they get tons of say in your wedding.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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    edited December 2011
    i have no idea what your post is trying to say. basically i think you're saying that your family isn't happy with you guys getting married, and they don't like your plans? is that right? and you asked you father for a loan to pay for the wedding yet claim to be paying for everything yourself. 

    this sounds like a hot mess. 

    don't ask anyone for money, do what you want, and suck it up. don't know what else to tell you. you can't make everyone happy. 
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    awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parent-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:1db1bf5d-fa78-4f6b-baa5-dda918aacc5cPost:94f1c7e8-9569-4bee-a020-d0e1da981b80">Parent issues...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my fiancee and I have been engaged for about 3 years and
    we're finally doing it.

    <strong><----------------DIRTY!

    (FYI a male that is engaged to be married is spelled fiance, with one e.)
    </strong>
    I think at first, they were because I was happy, but they weren't happy because my boyfriend didn't ask(we had talked about getting engaged long before he proposed, I am not an object owned by my father, that tradition bothers me alot)
    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /><strong> </strong>

    But anyway, for years, i've been trying to <strong>accommodate </strong>my family(huuuuge family) and I still got resistance from the parents. I was reassured constantly that they'd help, yet whenever i brought it up, I got attitude. They seem like they wanted a traditional one, but if I can't get help or resources, why would i struggle to do that when its not what I want?

    <strong>Pay for your wedding and get what <em>you</em> want. </strong>

    So, my fiancee and I are doing a Punk rock show(he and I are deeply ingrated

    <strong>(ingrained?)</strong>

    in that stuff, he's in a band, and I'm a tattoo artist with a mohawk),

    <strong>(What color is it?)</strong>

    in between a few bands, we're getting a JP

    <strong>(JOP?)</strong>

    and doing the ceremony on stage. My parents are still not thrilled even though i'm taking the inititive

    <strong>(initiative? You are an adult, so taking initiative is not really that unheard of for adults. And just because you take initiative does not make people happier about planning a battle of the bands type wedding. Just sayin'.)</strong>

    without them. We're able to do this on our own, but to save on stress, I did ask my father for a loan. He said he doesn't care what i do, but the family won't be happy.

    <strong>(I'm surprised you care what other people think, you rock a mohawk yo.)</strong>

    Meanwhile, I brought it up with my stepmother, and she gets quiet and agitated.

    <strong>(Don't talk to her about it anymore.)</strong>

    After three years, its coming down to it and I get sick to my stomach just thinking about how they act about it.... <strong>what should I do!?!?!</strong>
    Posted by Paintfairy[/QUOTE]

    <strong>Getting a loan from your father is not the same as doing it on your own. The PP was right that strings are attached when money starts switching hands. It sounds like you and your FI know what you want and are too worried about what everyone else wants (you will NEVER please everyone, so stop trying.)

    Pay for your own wedding and plan it like you want, tell everyone that doesn't like it and isn't paying to STFU and EABOD.

    These are all serious responses so don't go all beebee.

    </strong>
    .
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