Wedding Woes
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Opinions? Please Help!

(Sorry it's so long) I am 18 and am engaged to a not perfect person, but perfect for me. He is 18 as well. I am in college, and he is accepted into next semester. We are waiting until 2016 to get married because we feel there is no rush. His family is 100% supportive, but mine are not. My family is in complete denial. I have one younger sister "C" and an adoptive older one "K". My sisters hate him. "C" has never liked him, and "K" because one time, when she was visiting me at college we were messing around and he tossed her mp3 player at her, and it left a tiny mark. Apparently, when she went back to my hometown, she told my parents he was abusive. She also told my parents I am intimate with him. I had not told them yet, and told her in confidence. My family is very religious, and "C" blocked me off Facebook and will no longer talk to or about me. My mother went behiend my back and called my FI to tell him to get out of my life and that he has already f***d it up. I would understand if they didn't like him if they were with him for more than 5 minutes. All my friends love him, and I'm so happy. The only problem is them. They say they are doing it for my own good. I love them, but this is stressing me out so much that they don't even give him a chance. I have no plans to leave him. Anyone know what I can do?
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." ~ Erich Fromm ~

Re: Opinions? Please Help!

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    edited December 2011
    Please come back tomorrow during the day when there will be more people to speak with.
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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The good news is you have 5 years.  Your family will either accept him or you will find out that he is an ass or you will be enough of your own person to deal with it. 
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i have many questions:
    1) how long have you been dating?
    2) how long were you together before you got engaged?
    3) how many other guys have you dated?
    4) what was your longest relationship? (other than this one?)
    5) how many other guys have you slept with?
    6) were you his first? if not, how many women has he been with?
    7) does he also come for an uber religious family?
    8) will he be going to the same college as you?
    9) are you currently in a long distance relationship or do you go to a local college?
    10) what specifically does your family not like about him?
    11) what makes him "imperfect"? and "perfect for you"
    12) if it comes down to it, are you ready to give up your family for this guy?
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    edited December 2011
    We've been dating almost a year before he asked me.
    One other guy, which lasted a year and a month.
    We both have slept with one other person.
    No, but he has had in-depth conversations with my pastor.
    Yes. I had chosen this college two years ago. He chose here because his grandfather is a professor here, so growing up he had been here quite a lot, and they have the specific major he is going into.
    I live about an hour away from my parents, but my mother's workplace is here. He lives down the road.
    They don't like him for things like his opinion is different than theirs. For example, his nose is pierced. Not a big one, just a ball. My mother told me I should yank it out or put a chain on it and drag him around like a cow.
    He's not perfect. No one is. The main thing my mother doesn't like is the fact that he smokes. He's trying to quit, and I applaud him for that. I also realize, though that his whole family smokes, so that is why he started.
    No, I am not willing to give up my family for him, but I'm also not willing to give up him or my happiness for the sake of theirs.
    Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." ~ Erich Fromm ~
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    RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You are doing the right thing by giving yourselves time.  Most 18 year olds have some growing yet to do (as I'm sure you've been told.)  But sometimes, the families have some mellowing to do, too.  Just enjoy being a couple for now, and revisit this question two years down the road, or four.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011

    based on all of your answers, I'll say that I think both of you are too young to be thinking about getting married and spending the rest of your lives together.

    I think it's good that you're not planning to get married for another 5 years because it will give you both time to grow up a bit and experience life.

    I'd suggest that you focus on college and building a career for yourself. consider dating some other people. both of you need to learn to live on your own.

    many people don't marry the person that they're dating at 17/18 for good reason. When I was 18, I had dated a few guys, had 1 year+ relationship, and was in another that would last a year and a half. He and i would talk about when we get married, have kids, etc. - but we were never engaged. we broke up when he cheated on me. I learned a lot from that relationship, and all of the ones afterwards.
     
    I know now that it never would have worked even if he hadn't cheated and we eventually got married. the guy who was "perfect for me" at 18 wasn't by the time that I did get married at 23. i had changed/grown/learned so much in just 5 years that I was a different person.

    i'm not saying you should break up with him, i'm not saying you won't end up married for 50 years, but you need to consider other options, what you want out of life, and work to achieve your goals - you may change and grow apart, or you may not, but you need to be open to what happens.

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    edited December 2011
    Thank you everyone. The thing that bothers me most is that my sister won't even talk to me. She has never liked my friends(or so she told me). Now, she's dating one of them. I'm happy for her, but I had to hear it from him. And Idk how to bring up the subject with "K", cause she was one of my bridesmaids. I asked "C" to be my MOH, and explained that it was far off. She said probably. Now, I'm not sure what to do. Right now, it's not a problem with him and my parents that is hurting, it's the fact that they go behind my back and to things without asking me what I want for my life. "C" and I havn't been really close, but close like sisters are. Its not about him that this is about with her, my mom says it's because I didn't tell her. Before "C" blocked me on Facebook, she told me to get an F-ing life and called me a b****. When "K" misplaced a 20 bill, she apparently said I prob. stole it. I understand my family cares about me, but, IMHO, while I value their opinions, ultimately it is my life, and I am the one who has to live it. I just wish they would give me some respect. Not just about my choices, but in general. I don't deserve to be treated this way because I am happy, right?
    Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." ~ Erich Fromm ~
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