Out of nowhere

chadsarah03012011

I had been dating my (now) fiance for nearly 8 years before he proposed.  Of course I had talked here and there about wanting to have a destination wedding.

Now that he actually proposed and we started to really talk more about it, he tells me (out of nowhere) that he doesn't like the idea of a destination wedding.  He never really said anything negative about the idea before his mom started saying that she didn't think it was a good idea because some people won't be able to come.

I am a photographer by trade and really wanted some awesome beach wedding shots which is hard to get seeing as we live in MINNESOTA!

Now I really don't feel excited to plan at all.  Anyone have any advice?  Am I being selfish that I still want a beach wedding?

*Barbie*

if you're honestly planning on getting married on a Wednesday (12/12/12), you're probably going to have a lot of no-shows - even moreso for a destination wedding.

if you and your FI cannot even agree on a location to have a wedding, how do you plan to compromise when you are faced with more difficult decisions?

also, your post makes your FI sound like a mama's boy. if his mother has so much influence over him now, are you prepared to deal with this post wedding? it's only going to get worse.

chadsarah03012011

No, we have not set a date yet, the website just told me to pick a date.

I think he just really doesn't want to upset people that wouldn't be able to make it.  He is definitly close with his mother and I've dealt with that.

We are pretty eye to eye on most decisions which is why this really threw me.  I had no idea.  Apparently they (he and his mother) feel his godparents and possibly some aunts and uncles couldn't make it.

I feel that it is more about the marriage and that it shouldn't matter that EVERYONE attends.  That is why we would have a reception back home.

lisarose7

Why not get married at home then fly to someplace with a beach for a honeymoon and TTD shoot?  You'd still get your beach pics and be able to celebrate your marriage with family and friends.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_out-of-nowhere?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1e688bc4-055a-4404-b322-44f50efbb9dfPost:3b8f2d5b-77f2-4cb0-abcc-9495c667f8e8">Re: Out of nowhere</a>:
[QUOTE]No, we have not set a date yet, the website just told me to pick a date. I think he just really doesn't want to upset people that wouldn't be able to make it.  He is definitly close with his mother and I've dealt with that. We are pretty eye to eye on most decisions which is why this really threw me.  I had no idea.  Apparently they (he and his mother) feel his godparents and possibly some aunts and uncles couldn't make it. I feel that it is more about the marriage and that it shouldn't matter that EVERYONE attends.  That is why we would have a reception back home.
Posted by chadsarah03012011[/QUOTE]

And why would it be SO HORRIBLE if the godparents and aunts/uncles couldn't make it?  I mean, a bummer, sure, but it's not like your marriage won't be valid or that they don't wish good things for you.  Especially if you're planning an AHR. 

I think you and your FI should think about who YOUR "must-attend" people are and decide from there.  If he is that close to his godparents and would be crushed if they couldn't come, either plan on paying their way or moving the wedding to a location that is convenient to them.

H and I wanted a DW initially, too. But it meant that his father and my grandmother basically wouldn't/couldn't come. So we ended up moving it. It is as simple as whether you want X (destination wedding) or Y (specific attendees). 

SilverLining1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_out-of-nowhere?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1e688bc4-055a-4404-b322-44f50efbb9dfPost:3b8f2d5b-77f2-4cb0-abcc-9495c667f8e8">Re: Out of nowhere</a>:
[QUOTE] I feel that it is more about the marriage and that it shouldn't matter that EVERYONE attends.  That is why we would have a reception back home.
Posted by chadsarah03012011[/QUOTE]

<div>There are a few things to consider. First, who would be paying? Those who pay get a say. Second, I think that you need to have a conversation with you FI about what you would both like and why. It's likely that he didn't give too much thought about how the wedding would be before you guys were engaged. Maybe it's more important to him to have his family there than it is to have pretty beach pictures.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: That said, who says they can't make it? Only they can make that decision, and you may want to talk to the aunts/uncles/godparents involved before getting stressed out.</div>

chadsarah03012011

Thank you all!  My mother has been asking me for a date constantly and I just haven't FELT like planning.

Guess we need to sit down again and talk a bit more.  I swear it's like pulling teeth some days.  Oh well, it will all get done some time.

Have a great night ladies!

Butter Cookie

Could you perhaps get married locally and honeymoon somewhere tropical? that way you could still get your beach shots. Just an idea...

GBCK

I end up on your FI's side...
it's quite reasonable that he never thought aobut great-aunt-gertrude being unable to fly to the wedding until mom brought it up...but that he thinks her being there is more important than the pictures.  (and that it's the presence at the CEREMONY, not the reception, that's the big hairy deal to him)

Nothing wrong w/ that.
Also nothing wrong w/ eloping/destination wedding and choosing the location over the attendees for the ceremony and just doing the receptioni.

But it's just a matter of priorities, you guys have to agree on them or find a way to compromise.
Me, I'd have the local wedding and find a different way to do pics.

ReturnOfKuus

You know, I actually side with you FI and his mom, too.  There's something... off, about prioritizing the presence of scenery over the presence of people you love.

AuntFlo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_out-of-nowhere?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:1e688bc4-055a-4404-b322-44f50efbb9dfPost:b48ce6b6-eec2-4fbb-8345-19d54484108c">Re: Out of nowhere</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, I actually side with you FI and his mom, too.  There's something... off, about prioritizing the presence of scenery over the presence of people you love.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

This.

hmonkey

especially considering the myspace quality of the photos you've chosen to post.

ReturnOfKuus

bazinga!

GBCK

I was being nice Kuus :-P

chadsarah03012011

Thanks for the photo critique.  I specialize in landscape photography, but have done a few weddings myself and helped others with a lot.  We haven't done engagement photos yet because I want a continuous theme for the wedding and need to decide on a location first.  So, for the time being, I just put up some snapshots that we have done through the years.  He isn't a huge fan of having his photo taken, so I take what I can get.

A little background.  My FI has said for years that we should actually get married on a Wednesday because then nobody would attend.

He is a farmer so he is busy with work spring through fall and I despise winter.  I told him long ago that if I have to do a winter wedding, I would want to go somewhere warmer   I have talked to a few of the people that his mother was worried wouldn't be able to attend and they have said it would give them a great reason for a vacation.

Another reason I am really tied to the southern beach idea is because our very first vacation together (with my family) was to Mexico, our next vacation (with his friends) was a Caribbean cruise and he just proposed to me last month in Puerto Rico.  We are pretty low-key people and a big fancy wedding just isn't us.