Wedding Woes

that's just cold.

Many readers were moved by the letter from "Smoker's Widow," who wrote a letter to her granddaughter describing what life with a chronic smoker would be like.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from the would-be groom who chose cigarettes over his bride.

My fiancee gave me the same choice, only I chose her over the cigarettes.

We have been married for over 34 years and have two wonderful children.

My best man, who continued to smoke, has been dead for 10 years.

She and I both made the right choice and I'm thankful for it.

— Jerome

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Re: that's just cold.

  • btw, the original letter --

    DEAR AMY: I try hard to not give advice unless I am asked to do so, but after my granddaughter became engaged, she wrote me the following letter:

    "He is far from perfect, but I can endure all of his bad habits, as he endures mine, except for his chain-smoking. He has promised he will quit after we are married, but I have my doubts.

    You lived with granddad all those years and he smoked; was it really so bad?"

    This is what I wrote back:

    "No, my darling, it wasn't so bad. That is, if you don't mind that the whole interior of your home gets covered with a brownish yellow goo. I struggled for years to scrub it off, but I finally just gave up.

    "If you don't mind that your hair, skin and lungs get polluted and stink from his secondhand smoke.

    "If you get used to being alone at social events because he is outside smoking.

    "If you give up on traveling because he gets grouchy when he can't smoke on the plane. And anyway, with the huge amount he spends on cigarettes, there's no money left over for travel or much of anything else.

    "Finally, if you are willing to watch him die a slow and painful death, hooked up to oxygen and gasping for every precious breath, then no, it isn't that bad."

    Because of my letter, she postponed the wedding until after he quit smoking. He in turn, chose his cigarettes over this beautiful young woman and booked.

    Now her mother (my daughter-in-law) won't speak to me.

    Was I wrong to tell the truth when asked?

    — Smoker's Widow
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  • She wasn't wrong to tell the truth, but... why do people who don't want to marry smokers even accept a first date with smokers?
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  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Whatev.  Sounds like the granddaughter dodged a bullet.

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  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_thats-just-cold?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:28546a7d-7a3e-48e8-b648-531123a8221cPost:214cc255-28f6-430a-a8f3-26bed4f439df">Re: that's just cold.</a>:
    [QUOTE]She wasn't wrong to tell the truth, but... why do people who don't want to marry smokers even accept a first date with smokers?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. If it's a marriage dealbreaker, then it's a dating dealbreaker.  I suppose you could be going for just a casual thing, sex-only, or a one-night stand and get hooked (a la PMeg & her H), but yeah. I get that.

    I'm kindof surprised the granddaughter didn't know all of this stuff already. (I guess she did but was in denial.)   I decided smoking was a dealbreaker when I was 12 and watched my grandfather wither away and die from smoking-related illness.  Watching my grandmother do it 4 years ago reaffirmed my decision. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_thats-just-cold?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:28546a7d-7a3e-48e8-b648-531123a8221cPost:214cc255-28f6-430a-a8f3-26bed4f439df">Re: that's just cold.</a>:
    [QUOTE]She wasn't wrong to tell the truth, but... why do people who don't want to marry smokers even accept a first date with smokers?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    <div>Bingo. Y'all know how much I love smoking; I had a few dates with people who'd suggest I quit before dinner was even over. Nice meeting you; have a nice life. </div><div>
    </div><div>I mean, I did quit (and never smoked inside, because I wasn't scrubbing that crap off the walls, either), but I would never date someone who couldn't work around such an obvious fault, because what would he do with less-obvious ones when they finally came up? And because IMO, there are way worse things to do than smoke cigarettes, and if he had a problem with that, he was probably not a fit for me. </div>
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