A Helping Hand?

La Gringa

I don't really post on here, but thought I'd see if anyone had any suggestions on how to handle a family situation.  I live overseas, and my met my fiance abroad.  We are planning a destination wedding, knowing that no matter how we cut it, someone will have to travel, so it seemed best to make it small and in a place where everyone can enjoy a vacation.  We chose our date based on a number of factors, not the least of which is dependent on work and the fact that I will be moving next spring. 

Unfortunately, the timing is such that my sister will have a 3-month-old, plus a toddler at the time of the wedding.  She has a number of concerns about traveling with her kids, all of which I understand perfectly.  However, when we talk (which is mostly by email due to the distance, etc.), I feel like I am constantly being barraged by negativity about the choice that we made about having a destination wedding, how hard that makes things for her, etc..  It's set off more than a couple of arguments between us, which is causing me significant stress.

So what I'm really looking for advice on is what can I offer her to calm her nerves about traveling with kids?  I don't have kids, so admittedly I don't understand how hard it might or might not be to travel with them.  But on the flip side, I feel like she's overreacting.  I've offered to meet her and help with luggage when she arrives, I've been trying to make room recommendations based on what she needs, I've tried to explain transportation options, everything I can, but she still just seems so irritated by the fact that she has to travel at all.  We even nixed a possible location based on her concerns, and ultimately chose a place with direct flights to limit the burden. 

Any suggestions are most welcome - thanks in advance!

La Gringa

Oh, and I'm going to post this over on the destination wedding board too...

ReturnOfKuus

Reassure her that if she decides not to go, you completely understand, no hard feelings.  In fact, say that to everyone you invite.

6fsn

Ditto Kuus.

This probably isn't all about your wedding either.  There is a lot of stress just thinking about adding a new baby to her life in general.  If the first one was a hard newborn it may add even more stress.  She may also just be overwhelmed with life. 

Help with luggage is well and good, but are you also going to help her plan and pack and get up in the middle of the night?  If this is international there could be concerns about passports and a whole host of other logistical things.

I was worried about driving 5 hrs with a toddler and 4 month old.  It's stress all around.

La Gringa

Kuus - I actually tried to do exactly that today, and told her if she really just couldn't come, I would understand.  It did the opposite of help, and made her quite upset.   

~~Busy.~~

She is a grown woman capable of deciding if she can come.  If no matter what you do to lessen the burden she still complains just let it go.  Like I said, she's a grown woman, don't saddle yourself with her issues.

*Barbie*

where is the wedding? She may have difficulty getting a passport for a child less than 6 months.

is she travelling alone or will she have a husband/boyfriend/friend/family member to help her for the entire duration of the trip?

i travelled round trip houston to pittsburgh with my daughter when she was 3.5 months. i am never travelling alone with an infant again - and the baby was an angel. due to a snowstorm we actually got stranded overnight in the pittsburgh airport, and delayed the next day. she was an angel, but i got no sleep and the logistics and luggage were a nightmare. i can't imagine travelling with 2 kids.

also, your sister would be on a very tight timeframe to get a passport for the baby because she will need to get a birth certificate from the state first - and she would need the father to be present/have a notorized approval as well: http://travel.state.gov/passport/get/minors/minors_834.html

6fsn

I'll throw in one more though.  Your sister may be disappointed that she won't get to be as close as she'd like for this process.

La Gringa

Barbie - she'll be traveling with her husband, and more than likely my parents as well (all coming from the same city, so they will likely book their flights together).  I'm also booking adjoining rooms for my sister with the grandparents, so they'll be right there to help if necessary.  She did the research on the passports early on, and she's confident it will work out - we would have had the same gamble had we decided to get married in the States because not everyone in my fiance's family has a visa to travel to the U.S. so on that side you risk that his parents might not be able to attend.