Wedding Woes
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His mother....

I have been with my fiance for five years now. I know his family incredibly well, and really do feel like I'm a part of it already (even though we have two weeks left until our marriage begins). The problem I've been having since Joe and I got engaged, though, is that his Mom has been making my planning a nightmare. I can't have anything I want, because she didn't have it at her wedding. Also, if I want anything even remotely expensive, I'm wasting her money (no...I'm wasting MY parent's money, since they're the ones paying for it!). I ordered a $700 cake from a cousin, since that's her livelihood and she freaked out. It was, by far, the most expensive item I got for the wedding, and something that I've always wanted done a certain way. Her reason for being mad is that she made her own wedding cake, and she could have made mine. That's just not the way I wanted it done. Is that such a problem, or am I being too controlling of my own wedding?

Re: His mother....

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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Quit telling her what you are doing and especially quit telling her how much it costs.  If she is not paying she does not need to know.
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-mother-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:293f1906-a9b4-4eb4-bd6e-c7e1117c4ccaPost:57f6da65-5cb5-442b-ad1a-dcb9280439f8">His mother....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been with my fiance for five years now. I know his family incredibly well, and really do feel like I'm a part of it already (even though we have two weeks left until our marriage begins). The problem I've been having since Joe and I got engaged, though, is that his Mom has been making my planning a nightmare. I can't have anything I want, because she didn't have it at her wedding. Also, if I want anything even remotely expensive, I'm wasting her money (no...I'm wasting MY parent's money, since they're the ones paying for it!). I ordered a $700 cake from a cousin, since that's her livelihood and she freaked out. It was, by far, the most expensive item I got for the wedding, and something that I've always wanted done a certain way. Her reason for being mad is that she made her own wedding cake, and she could have made mine. That's just not the way I wanted it done. Is that such a problem, or am I being too controlling of my own wedding?
    Posted by kwolf87[/QUOTE]


    She's not paying for the wedding. Why are you discussing financial details with her?

    I'm not normally a fan of lying but if she presses you just say, "It was a great deal, but I'm not comfortable discussing the cost with you. I hope you understand"

    If she doesn't [understand] tough cookies. It's not her money. It's not her wedding.
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    tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agreed with previous posters.  Take their advice.

    You've got to establish boundaries sometime.  She keeps acting like this toward you because you let her.  Imagine what she'll be like when/if you have a child.

    Seriously, make her back off now.  You don't want her controlling the next 20-30 years do you?
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    kwolf87kwolf87 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks. I do have a hard time telling people to butt out of my business. I have mentioned that it really shouldn't concern her, but if she doesn't get the information from me, she gets it from my fiance, because we discuss these things. I don't want to leave him in the dark, since that would put us in a bad place going into it. I really don't want her to control me or think that she can push me around, it's just hard for me personally to say something about it. I've never been one to easily speak my mind, especially when I think that I might hurt their feelings. It needs to be done, though, and I truly thank you all for your reinforcement.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    well, then the bigger issue is that the 2 of you aren't on the same page about how much info to give her.

    He SHOULD know...but he should ALSO know your (collective your) boundries about what not to share.
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ^^what GBCK said.

    Talk to him. Let him know this isn't up for discussion with his Mom, and it's only going to cause stress. Let him know to shut her down if she asks, because it's none of her business.


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