Washington-Seattle

Drama, drama, drama - Not sure what to do....(Sorry, way too long)

So, my bachelorette party was last Saturday.  It was nice...and thankfully pretty tame.  The problem is that i  have a friend who's about to graduate and is starting to looking for a job, so she's particularly sensitve about things posted of her/about her on websites. 

Basically, before the party, she asked me not to post any pictures of her or anything embarassing on facebook, which i was fine with.  Unfortunately, some friends posted pictures of the party on facebook (they didn't tag her since she deleted her fb account) but since they tagged me - her husband told her about the pictures.  There were stupid props in some of the pictures (a freaking peni$ straw).  There was only one pic. of her and the prop wasn't in it - it was just a pic. of her and another friend.

So, i get this text seriously berating me for being rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, etc. for posting those pictures and how i needed to take them down.  i texted her back letting her know that i didn't put them up but i would let my friend know to take pics of her down.  this goes back and forth - i told her how i basically thought she was the one being rude - then she blames me for not telling her about the pictures or not telling my friend to take them down. 

I tell her that I seriously hadn't had time to think about that, i've been doing last minute wedding stuff, my parents just came back into town, and i've been working - so i hadn't even looked at all the pictures to untag the ones i didn't like of me! 

Im seriously at the point where i want to say forget it - you don't need to come into town for my wedding - i don't need you as a bridesmaid.  Throughout most of our friendship, she is someone that has always been very self-centered and somewhat crazy.  it's almost as if we've remained friends just based on the good times we had way back in high school. 

This is all happening just a few days before the wedding... .  I seriously don't know what to do... I'm seriously so pissed off that i can't call her to talk this through - nor do i know if i really want to work this out. 

Re: Drama, drama, drama - Not sure what to do....(Sorry, way too long)

  • edited December 2011
    I can completely relate.  That is my CA BM pretty much.  I agree with you - she was rude and I can't believe she yelled at you for "posting" pics of her and not being on the lookout for her.  Because, you know, your life and the universe revolves around her and all.  Sorry, I'm probably adding fuel to the fire, but reading that just irked me for you.
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow! I am so sorry. That is rude and pretty selfish of her. You are so close to your wedding. I would just let it be. Sometimes the more we talk about things the worse and a bigger deal they become. I would just let it be, you have so much positive stuff going on in your life right now. Just focus on those good things and get ready for your amazing wedding! :) Hugs!
  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yea, I would leave this be.  While she was outta line (you agreed to do what she asked - take the pics down), it would cause more drama and trouble for you now to nix her from the wedding than to just ignore it all and move on.
  • edited December 2011
    That is really ridiculous.  I understand how you feel, because MOH is pretty darn selfish like that, and I also feel like we're hanging onto a friendship based on good times we had in HS.  I would let it go for now & just focus on the goodness of your wedding.  This is what I plan to do with MOH. After the wedding, however, I'm probably going to reevaluate the friendship.
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  • jennlinjennlin member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i would just ignore her. don't respond to text, pick up her calls, etc. if she shows up, she shows up...if she doesn't, you'll know how important the friendship meant to her anyway...
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  • alyssa324alyssa324 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ugh why do so many people turn our weddings into all about them?!?!

    I agree with jennlin I would just ignore her
  • edited December 2011
    Having had some back and forth with friends of mine who are Facebook employees, I'm sort of sensitive to your friend's concerns (and it sounds like you are too -- it's just that you've been very busy, you know, getting married and all), though I think she should chill the f*** out since the photo itself with here isn't scandalous and you definitely did what you could when you were alerted to the situation. I also tend to think that the people who are afraid of FB drama are really way too paranoid about it. Hopefully the two of you will have some time in person to talk it through between now and the wedding. I think in the end she will see that you didn't mean any harm.

    I have been nagging my friends who work at FB to create a privacy setting that says "don't let anyone tag me in a public photo or wall post" but theyre in technical jobs and not on the privacy committee, so while I have cases where this is a REAL problem (things like your situation; solider X whose photos are private is in a gay bar with person Y whose photos are public and tags solider X, who is then outed and gets court-martialed) and because FB's default view is that destroying all privacy is a good thing, I haven't been able to get much traction :-/.

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  • mgoss228mgoss228 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    ick, I agree with jennlin and niq's advice.  I hope your friend can get over herself  and chill out by Saturday.
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  • edited December 2011
    Don't waste your energy on her. forget about her.

    i'm such a b, i'd tell my friends to post worst pictures of her.. hahahahah

    p.s. weddings bring out the best and worst in people. they test friendships and it seems like a lot of the time, you lose a friendship in the process. i've been there.. and guess what? I'm much more relieved since i don't have the headache of her.. its too close to your wedding to be stressing about her. focus on the good. i know its easier said than done but try!
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  • Kaye SmithKaye Smith member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    It's so good to hear all of your advice (and advice from my other friends)....  I am pretty much planning on ignoring her - i'm sure the rehearsal dinner may be a little bit tense but i guess i'll have to live with it!  Hopefully by saturday things will be okay - and thankfully, i've got my other friends to kind of buffer the situation. 

    It is sooooo hard for me to be the mature person - and not respond.  I feel like i'm a person who for the most part is pretty laid back, but when i feel like i'm right, i have to have the last word.  so not having the last word is killing me - but i guess this is all about growing up!

    it's crazy how outside parties (or somewhat outside parties) can be adding so much drama to our weddings!  I hate reading the other posts where this is happening to others - but at the same time, it's somehow comforting knowing that it's happening to pretty much all of us!

    Damn, i wrote a ton again!

  • edited December 2011

    Does she realize that since she isn't tagged in these pictures and she doesn't have a Facebook account they're totally not searchable?

    I would say that you're sensitive to her concerns and you understand and bla bla bla but that a) you didn't post the pictures so it doesn't make sense she's taking it out on you b) you understand that job searches are especially stressful right now c) if a company was going to skip hiring her based on that one tame picture, does she really want to work for them anyways? and finally, D) tell her to go Google herself. Google, spokeo, all of them. See what comes up. I bet that picture isn't there.

    Then just ask her if the two of you can please hash things out over a cup of coffee in a couple of weeks when she isn't crazed from finals and you aren't wedding crazed.

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  • Koolkay83Koolkay83 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She is downright rude and out of context because of something you did not do. She should of used her brain instead of text. Very childish, if she won't apologize. might as well not have her in your wedding
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