my mother HAS to be kidding

policasm

Hey ladies,
I rarely post but I need some opinions on this insanity.
My wedding is in two weeks, my mother's uncle died less than 3 weeks ago. He was sick when she got married and now its all about how its not fair to her that he won't be at my wedding either. She tells me today at a different family function that she's going to call his wife and tell her that her uncle would have wanted his wife to be there and that she should come to the wedding. I tell her she's outrageous and not everything is about her, especially not this, its about what makes her aunt feel comfortable. She storms out of this party crying, makes a huge scene, and is now not speaking to me.
Does anyone have any insights here?
TIA!

TheDuckis

I'm sorry about your great uncle. People grieve in different ways, and it sounds like your mom is having a very tough time. I would call your great aunt and tell her that while you understand if she doesn't want to come, you'd still love to see her at the wedding. Also try to have a little more compassion for your mother.

DG1

First, I would definitely make that call to the wife. (The one Duckis said, not the one your mom is probably going to make anyway.) 

Was your mom really that close to her uncle? Or would she have found something else to get uptight about re: your wedding if he hadn't died. 

If you really think she's grieving in her own strange way, then yes, find some compassion for her and make sure uncle's wife has YOUR ok to stay home or come as per her preference.

If you think she's not really that upset about the uncle and is just being obnoxious, then just do what you can for yourself. You can't make grown people NOT be jerks (if that's what she's doing).

[Deleted User]

Was your uncle invited to the wedding in the first place? if so, then I agree that his wife should be there. But you know, I think it would be nice to invite her anyway. It might be helpful to be around family, both for her and for everyone else in the family who was close to your uncle. It sounds like your mom is still in the mourning phase (unless she just makes a scene all the time, about any and everything) and this is how she chooses to deal with it.