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mortona7

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StephBeanWed61502

Ok, as to part one - is FMIL contributing to the cost of the wedding at all?  If so, she does get some say as to the guest list.  If she isn't contributing to the wedding itself at all, you can just say "FMIL, thanks for the suggested list.  However, FI and I have decided to cap the guest count at X number because this is what (whoever is paying) can afford, so we won't be able to accommodate everyone you've suggested.  Thanks for your understanding."  (Ideally, this should be delivered to FMIL by your FI, on behalf of both of you.)

As to the RD, that's actually a completely appropriate guest list.  The "traditional" RD was restricted to those who actually attended the rehearsal, which was generally the wedding party, parents, and the officiant.  RDs have become bigger in recent years (often it's considered polite to include OOT guests who are in town for the wedding), but it's absolutely not required.  Also, if she's hosting and paying for the RD, you don't get much of a say in the guest list - certainly you can ask if it would be possible to accommodate more people, but ultimately, the guest list is her decision, not yours.