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I'm an anti-religion assh*le.

Mr. Kuus just e-mailed me saying that there's a mass in honor of his grandmother (sort of, I guess they name her in the list of the faithful departed at, you know, the point where they do that sort of thing) on Sunday.  His aunts on that side are full-on Catholic, and go to church weekly, and they want everyone to go.

I am firmly anti-religion, as you know.  I don't go to church.  I don't want to go to church.  I especially don't want to go and squirm and sit through the motions of a religion that feels hideously wrong to me like I had to for the first 18 years of my life.  And seeing as the woman has been dead for the past 20 years, I don't necessarily feel the need to go and support people in their grief.  And frankly, I can think of better ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Mr. Kuus isn't a fan of churchy stuff either, but he looooves going through the showy motions of family togetherness and support and tradition.  He wants to go, and he wants to convince everyone to go to the cemetery afterward and visit all the graves of all the people on that side of the family who have died since coming to this country (yeah, his Death Candle bloodlines are showing).

I don't really have any good reason to say no to this other than "I don't want to and I think you're a weirdo for wanting to."  Tell me I'm an assh*le, or not.
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Re: I'm an anti-religion assh*le.

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    edited December 2011
    Mr. Kuus isn't a fan of churchy stuff either, but he looooves going through the showy motions of family togetherness and support and tradition.

    I can't believe you two ended up married? But if you don't want to go, don't go. He should know you well enough to be expecting that response.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I know he's expecting me to give it a hearty hell no.  But I'm trying to be less of an assh*le this year.  It's my resolution.  It's just hard.
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    tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What if you just meet them at the cemetary afterward?  Or would it just prompt 37 "Why weren't you at the mass?" discussions?
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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kuus, have you ever thought of it as just being you and not being an a$$hole.  And no, I'm not calling you one, just saying we all are who we are.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not a fan of the church, either. But I have conceeded to go, knowing how much it would mean to MIL & FIL. H is actually the one who is all "hellllllls no" with three snaps in a z formation, to the idea.

    If it would mean that much to your H, I would consider taking one for the team and insisting on some sort of payback. Like, a foot rub or a GC to get a mani/pedi or whatever Kuus likes.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Okay, yeah, maybe I need a poll.  How many of you think I should take one for the team, how many think I should just keep on being Kuus, and please to be giving an explanation for why.  Or not. 
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    DG1DG1 member
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    edited December 2011

    Just depends on how badly he wants it vs. how badly you DON'T want it. 

    I've certainly taken some for the team in this area, and I've also stood firm other times. 

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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If it's a WHOLE day ordeal....no taking one for the team.  You need time limits.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    eh, I'm on team 'take one for us'
    But that's because I can sit through things I disagree w/ a lot or else I'd be dead.
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    not all church things are religious.  i do a lot of church things when i am home with my family, and they are primarily social, and some things are exclusively social (making cards and scrapbooking, shopping, cooking, etc).

    rites and rituals =/= believing.  do you just "feel" it is showy, or does mr. kuus genuninely feel closer to his family by spending time with them and engaging in certain rituals with them? 

    that being said, you know i am not a big fan of needing a "good enough" reason to do anything.  if you don't want to, don't.  that is reason enough. 

    telling him that he is weird for wanting to do so makes you an asshole.
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-anti-religion-asshle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:318bf014-3321-47ac-afc9-e8d1a79f4174Post:b75b2139-e57e-410f-af3c-19cd3f4cf5ec">Re: I'm an anti-religion assh*le.</a>:
    [QUOTE]rites and rituals =/= believing. 
    Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

    ^^this^^

    If you can't get through it without lots of eyerolling and heavy sighs, don't go.  But you can go and show respect for his family without accidentally praying to the pope along the way.
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    dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'd say 'take one for the team' if it means that much to your DH.  That's kinda what you sign up for when you get married.  To care, love and support your spouse through their endeavors, even if they sure as hell aren't yours.  At some point, this will come back in your favor.

    And remember, you can lead the horse to water.  Can't make 'em drink.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, yeah.  I'm going to go.  You're all right, and I feel a little ashamed for even getting huffy over it, with how nice he's being about having ready-made excuses for me not to go.
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    edited December 2011
    Well, we're hear to listen to you b1tch about it when it's all over. So, there's that :)
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-anti-religion-asshle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:318bf014-3321-47ac-afc9-e8d1a79f4174Post:50ebe79f-6dcd-4460-99d2-ff6499b68ab3">Re: I'm an anti-religion assh*le.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm an anti-religion assh*le. : ^^this^^ If you can't get through it without lots of eyerolling and heavy sighs, don't go.  But you can go and show respect for his family without accidentally praying to the pope along the way.
    Posted by zsazsa-stl[/QUOTE]
    Um, I can't get through church without heavy eyerolls and sighs anymore. Though hopefully it's only our priests telling us to give up birth control for Lent. <div>
    </div><div>Don't go. This sounds weird to me, too, and frankly, if he wants to be close to his family, that's fine. But they're not *your* family, so why should you go? </div>
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