Wedding Woes
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Am I being selfish?!

My future husband and I are both architects and we knew going into the wedding planning process that it was going to be difficult to agree on things. I'm glad he's involved with the planning process, (since so many grooms go into hiding) but he thinks I'm being unfair on one majour situation: What the bridal party will wear. My maids are all of different body shapes: one is very busty and tall, one is rail thin with few curves, etc.. so I told them they could choose their own dresses as long as they were black and around knee length, so that they would all be comfortable in what they were wearing. But when we started discussing what his groomsmen would wear, he said it wasn't fair not to give them a choice as well. He wants them to be allowed to wear whatever they want within guidelines such a 'black pants, dress shirt, vest in grayish' and i feel like they will look like they just showed up without conversing about trying to match. HELP! we can't stop fighting about this and I just want to know what to do!!

Re: Am I being selfish?!

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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    So basically, you think it's okay for the BMs not to dress identically (which I agree with, BTW), but not for the GMs?  Explain how that works.
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    Sloane99Sloane99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love that whenever I see a post like "am I over-reacting" or "am I being selfish" the answer is almost always yes.

    If you are deciding the 'maids attire, he gets to decide the groomsmen. How much different is it to have a bunch of girls in different dresses vs a bunch of guys in different outfits? Aren't the ladies all going to look like a bunch of people that just showed up in the same colour too?

    Full disclosure: my ladies are wearing black dresses of their choosing and the groomsmen are wearing whatever they want. No colour guidelines or anything. People will know they are in the wedding party because they're at the front of the ceremony.
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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    edited December 2011
    In my experience, GM don't really care what you pick out and I think they prefer being told what to wear, less effort on their part. I gave my BMs relatively free reign over their dresses and we're telling the GM what to wear.
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    lrichards0000lrichards0000 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    tell him that women are different than men and dresses are way different than suits. a dress puts a womans body on display and a suit covers everything. It's not like men have to be uncomfortable about a low neckline for their busty chest, or a fitted waist around their lumpy stomach. Maybe tell him that you do want the wedding party to look cohesive but not at the cost of making the girls feel awkward. if that doesn't work try showing him pictures of mismatched groomsmen. I googled it and your right it does look like they just kind of showed up. I feel like your reason for letting them choose thier own dresses serves a good and important purpose where his reason is... what is his reason anyway?
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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-being-selfish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:319fc869-90bb-4416-a2bb-a27ee9ad8590Post:d9e84e40-6364-4053-a992-62dc7768d07e">Re: Am I being selfish?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In my experience, GM don't really care what you pick out and I think they prefer being told what to wear, less effort on their part. I gave my BMs relatively free reign over their dresses and we're telling the GM what to wear.
    Posted by Lauriac[/QUOTE]

    I kind of agree with this.  Most men won't want to go to a tux shop and "look around."  They just want to call in a size and call it a day.

    HOWEVER, I have to agree with your FI on this.  You get to decide for your ladies.  He gets to decide for his men.

    I'm also really curious what your occupation has to do with any of this.
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    Sloane99Sloane99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually there is a good point raised by lrichards, is this just a matter of him having a temper tantrum? Like a tit for tat thing? Because if that's the case I may be swayed. We both decided together that our entire wedding party could wear whatever they wanted because of the cost/expense in coming to a DW in the first place.
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-being-selfish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:319fc869-90bb-4416-a2bb-a27ee9ad8590Post:aa6262d5-6e02-49f2-a0f6-12435ab56b7e">Re: Am I being selfish?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]tell him that women are different than men and dresses are way different than suits. a dress puts a womans body on display and a suit covers everything. It's not like men have to be uncomfortable about a low neckline for their busty chest, or a fitted waist around their lumpy stomach. Maybe tell him that you do want the wedding party to look cohesive but not at the cost of making the girls feel awkward. if that doesn't work try showing him pictures of mismatched groomsmen. I googled it and your right it does look like they just kind of showed up. I feel like your reason for letting them choose thier own dresses serves a good and important purpose where his reason is... what is his reason anyway?
    Posted by lrichards0000[/QUOTE]

    <div>Are you a moron?  Not every man looks great in the same suit his buddy is wearing.  And a lot of men do have body image issues, so what they wear is just as important to them as it is to women.</div><div>
    </div><div>Let the BP wear whatever they want - your FI is right.  It's an all or nothing situation.  </div>
    imageimage
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-being-selfish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:319fc869-90bb-4416-a2bb-a27ee9ad8590Post:0a2a3564-ce98-41ef-aefc-3472a083e744">Am I being selfish?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future husband and I are both architects and we knew going into the wedding planning process that it was going to be difficult to agree on things. I'm glad he's involved with the planning process, (since so many grooms go into hiding) but he thinks I'm being unfair on one majour situation: What the bridal party will wear. My maids are all of different body shapes: one is very busty and tall, one is rail thin with few curves, etc.. so I told them they could choose their own dresses as long as they were black and around knee length, so that they would all be comfortable in what they were wearing. But when we started discussing what his groomsmen would wear, he said it wasn't fair not to give them a choice as well. He wants them to be allowed to wear whatever they want within guidelines such a 'black pants, dress shirt, vest in grayish' and i feel like they will look like they just showed up without conversing about trying to match. HELP! we can't stop fighting about this and I just want to know what to do!!
    Posted by Josh+Mia[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You aren't being selfish, you are being stupid.  

    </div>
    imageimage
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    edited December 2011
    my H had his grooms men pick out tuxes that fit their body types, and it looked great.  the only requirement was the color of the vest.  otherwise the cut and style of the coats where up to the guys. 

    it's only fair and guys clothes actually do make accomodations for body type too. 
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