Wedding Woes
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No love for the bride

My FI and I are opposites regarding the wedding (think groomzilla versus courthouse bride). Not only do we have 2 months to go, we haven't done invites, only half of everything is paid for (we're waiting for taxes, don't know when we'll get them) groomsmen/ bridesmaids haven't returned calls, and my own sister the MOH and my mother haven't talked to me (hate weddings). I am beyond stressed, and I feel like no one is taking this seriously. Is it even possible to continue this? My FI seems to live in a fantasy world and thinks it will magically come together, and I'm about to have a meltdown!! He doesn't get that it's his dream wedding, not mine. Where do I go from here???

Re: No love for the bride

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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How long have you been engaged, and why haven't you found an opportunity to use your words and tell your FI that this isn't the wedding you wanted?

    I suppose if invites haven't gone out yet it's not too late to change things, But you might first want to have a conversation about compromise, and then make a plan as to who will do what.
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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Talk to your fiance.  I mean really talk to him, not whine, complain, yell, scream, but talk.  Explain the stress that you are feeling and ask for his help.  Explain what you just told us that this is his dream wedding and he needs to start contributing.  Ditto PP about creating a timeline and a to-do list for each of you.

    If you can't talk to your fiance about this, it's a huge red flag for me.  You will be marrying this person and you need to be able to talk about ANYTHING.

    Good luck!
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_love-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:3201e9e3-e44d-4866-8c9f-1c8996acab83Post:668c3eb6-89f2-4694-beb8-293bc140312e">No love for the bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI and I are opposites regarding the wedding (think groomzilla versus courthouse bride). Not only do we have 2 months to go, we haven't done invites, only half of everything is paid for (we're waiting for taxes, don't know when we'll get them) groomsmen/ bridesmaids haven't returned calls, and my own sister the MOH and my mother haven't talked to me (hate weddings). I am beyond stressed, and I feel like no one is taking this seriously. Is it even possible to continue this? My FI seems to live in a fantasy world and thinks it will magically come together, and I'm about to have a meltdown!! He doesn't get that it's his dream wedding, not mine. Where do I go from here???
    Posted by LynnDae77[/QUOTE]


    If you want to keep your wedding you need to get started now (and I mean today)

    I went to vistaprint for my invites. They're quick, you can get what wording you want, they're not super expensive.

    Make a list of everything that needs to be done and give your FI responsibilities and all control over those responsibilities. Let him know if he doesn't do it it won't get done, but you won't interfere with the job he does because frankly you don't have time to argue over the flavors of cake or what it will look like or the table linens or whatever.

    Start doing one thing every day. If you  are on a budget and don't yet have a venue I highly suggest you contact a park and just have the wedding there. Simple, inexpensive, and not a lot of decoration needed. You can get this done but you need to start working it.
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    the title of your post doesn't make any sense to me... 

    you and your FI sound like you're really immature - maybe you should wait a year or two and grow up a little before you get married. Successfully planning a party should not be difficult for two responsible adults. 

    1) establish a budget. do not base it on money you may have at some point in the future (irresponsible) but base it on what you can afford today.

    2) choose a location for the ceremony/reception - this may be 1 or 2 locations depending on if you want to have a church ceremony but party elsewhere. 

    3) confirm that the date you want is open for venue(s) and book. if your date is not open, pick a new date or venue. 

    4) book caterer/entertainment/rentals/flowers/photographer/etc. based on what you and your fi want, and can afford today, also, let the wedding party know what they need in terms of clothing so they can have sufficient time to order/shop/plan 

    5) make invitations, print, and send, giving adequate time for response. 

    *****You're 2 months out from "your date" so you really should have everything up to step 5 done by now. Typically invites go out 6-8 weeks prior to the event, especially if you have OOT guests who would need to make travel arrangements. This will also give follow-up time if people do not respond.

    6) finalize head count with venue. 

    7) last minute prep activities 

    8) get married and have party. 


    You need to sit down with your FI and talk about everything on this list - what you and he want, can afford TODAY (leave possible tax return out of this), and if you have enough time and money to accomplish everything on this list. If you and he can't manage this, you may want to rethink the marriage completely and get some therapy before going through with a wedding - if you don't learn to communicate, the marriage won't last. 
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    edited December 2011
    make him do everything then.  if he's so set on a traditional wedding, get him on the horn and call his bridal party, and send out those invites. 
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