SAB....Stupid A$$ Brother

roxy64

Do you ever get where you want to slap your older brother up the side of the head?  I sure wold like to right now.

My SAB decided to file for divorce 3 weeks ago and cause all sorts of upheaval in the family.  This just a couple of weeks after our dad died.  None of his kids...all adults.....will have nothing to do with him.  His boys have threatened physical violence on him.  He moved into dad's house and borrowed money from dad's estate to pay for the divorce.

Throw into the mix our only daghter getting married in May.  So now I have to worry about the what ifs:

What if SAB refuses to come to the wedding w/o the new girlfriend...oh yeah, he's been having an affair for awhile now that we just found out about......She will not be invited.  No +1 for SAB or my SIL.

What if he does come to the wedding w/o her and his boys start trouble?

What if he brings her uninvited?  the wedding is 4-5 hours away so I wouldn't out it past him to bring her thinking we wouldn't turn them away because they've come so far.

Prior to this bombshell by my SAB, the only thing we had to worry about for the wedding was an ettiquette question about seating of divorced groom's parents who get along quite nicely.

Sorry for the vent.

lyradimer

It will only cause you headaches to worry about something so far out in the future. I'm sorry your brother is causing all sorts of trouble, but it won't help you to stress out about things eight months in the future. Who knows, your brother might have stopped dating his girlfriend by then and you won't have to worry about it. Or you might meet her and realize she's not some homewrecking demon, just a woman who made a mistake.

I would reccomend you just take some deep breaths, and don't lett him have this power over you. Control the things you can, and worry about things when they really matter, not way ahead of time. Good luck to you and DD.

ElleB87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sabstupid-a-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:36944dea-384f-4cb0-88b2-10e58acf51cbPost:2c636af4-f1e7-46bf-8fbb-8a407a971628">SAB....Stupid A$$ Brother</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you ever get where you want to slap your older brother up the side of the head?  I sure wold like to right now. My SAB decided to file for divorce 3 weeks ago and cause all sorts of upheaval in the family.  This just a couple of weeks after our dad died.  None of his kids...all adults.....will have nothing to do with him.  His boys have threatened physical violence on him.  He moved into dad's house and borrowed money from dad's estate to pay for the divorce. Throw into the mix our only daghter getting married in May.  So now I have to worry about the what ifs: What if SAB refuses to come to the wedding w/o the new girlfriend...oh yeah, he's been having an affair for awhile now that we just found out about......She will not be invited.  No +1 for SAB or my SIL. What if he does come to the wedding w/o her and his boys start trouble? What if he brings her uninvited?  the wedding is 4-5 hours away so I wouldn't out it past him to bring her thinking we wouldn't turn them away because they've come so far. Prior to this bombshell by my SAB, the only thing we had to worry about for the wedding was an ettiquette question about seating of divorced groom's parents who get along quite nicely. Sorry for the vent.
Posted by roxy64[/QUOTE]

Your brothers divorce is non of your business and your nephews threatening physical violence against him is NOT okay. Your daughters wedding guest list is also none of your business. if SHE and her fiance choose to invite their uncle that's up to them and yes, if he's in a relationship the gf gets invited to. Your brother (and his gf) (and his soon to be ex wife) are grown adults who can decide whether they will accept or decline their possibly invitations. Also, this wedding is next May...calm down woman.

Like I said before, none of this is any of your business. You need to grow up and respect your brothers privacy. If he was given an inhertance from your father it's his business how he chooses to spend it. Your family is going through a rough patch...and you're only making it worse.

roxy64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sabstupid-a-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:36944dea-384f-4cb0-88b2-10e58acf51cbPost:28376595-6d7f-4113-a0f1-854486b2161f">Re: SAB....Stupid A$$ Brother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to SAB....Stupid A$$ Brother : Your brothers divorce is non of your business and your nephews threatening physical violence against him is NOT okay. Your daughters wedding guest list is also none of your business. if SHE and her fiance choose to invite their uncle that's up to them and yes, if he's in a relationship the gf gets invited to. Your brother (and his gf) (and his soon to be ex wife) are grown adults who can decide whether they will accept or decline their possibly invitations. Also, this wedding is next May...calm down woman. Like I said before, none of this is any of your business. You need to grow up and respect your brothers privacy. If he was given an inhertance from your father it's his business how he chooses to spend it. Your family is going through a rough patch...and you're only making it worse.
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

<div>Some information to help you understand.... <strong> Dad's estate has not been settled yet.</strong>  <strong>SAB is not even executor and the will is not out of probate.</strong>  So technically, he borrowed from me and my siblings w/o permission. Also, when DD found out about the divorce, SHE was upset about what her Uncle did,(the divorce part, not the moving into dad's house and money thing).  You have to remember, SAB did this 2 weeks after we burried dad.  The family is still reeling from that, so everyone's emotions are raw right now. <strong>And I am not making this worse for the family, because other than my husband, I haven't shared my concerns about the wedding with anyone, not even my daughter......</strong>until now.... to complete strangers.</div><div>
</div><div>We are paying for DD's wedding.  I know some parents take that as meaning they have final say about every aspect of the wedding....not the case here. I'm keeping my involvement in the planning to whatever my daughter asks of me.  I've had to console a few brides in the past whose moms have been difficult to deal with during the wedding planning and I vowed I would not do the same, so I'm not.</div><div>
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VarunaTT

Honestly, you have a case of wedding revoluation.  You make everything revolve around the wedding in 8-9 months.  You have no idea what'll be going on by then and there's nothing to even worry about until the invites are going out, meaning finalized guest list, which is 6-8 WEEKS, not months before May.

I'm sure you probably have some really raw and serious emotions re: your father's death and your brother's behavior.  He might be having some really farked up emotions right now too.  You should probably deal with your personal and family stuff w/out involving the far away and not relevant wedding, y'know?  You could've just typed out the first 2 paragraphs and gotten some sympathy and thoughts about how to deal with a difficult famly member.